How long has it been now?
Since I last felt your heat
Your warm touch
Your soft lips against the rough skin of mine


How long
Until this pain goes away
This pain that radiates from the very depths of my soul
This pain that can only be healed by your presence

How long
Can I take this pain
How long
Will this last
How long
Until I see you again

You
You were the first girl that made me feel that nervous ache in my chest
Wanting you so badly, but too shy to ask

The most beautiful girl
Outside, but perhaps not in
How captivating you were
Taking no time to catch my eye

And to my amazement
You fell for me
Or at least I thought

Perhaps it was love that blinded me
Or maybe even a bit of lust
But to me, you were my everything

How selfish can you be
To create my world
To only destroy it in the end

And now, at the end
I find myself wishing I had never known you
Ironic, isn't it, my dear

But still
I find myself lying there at night
Dreaming about you
It seems impossible to wake up from this desperate attempt to sleep

with the leftover rig of someone’s unhappy decisions
and the smell of animals left too long without attention
I curled up for a few days in the cold on hide-a-bed mattress
like the ******* ****** I never was
only thought about being.
“What was I thinking?”
Fifteen and wishing
I was ****** chic
a “beautiful disaster”
a ******* model painted dead for TV..
~that~ was my aspiration.
Fast-forward to the bottle of whiskey
and the smell of old dog ****
and a lingering need to hear that man’s voice.
I was so angry.
“She ****** me off so much.”
There’s little cessation
from the stream of ******* they spew.
“How could I love and hate someone so much?”
“That’s what abuse does....”
Products...
results...
that’s what we are...
from a mass social experiment gone right.
“They want you fat, lazy, and addicted to something.”
“Well, they have me.”
I hear some people have a handle on things...
got “****” together.
I hear that man’s got a job and is pretending to be someone
for someone’s family.
If I had enough room, I’d weep for them.
My tears are all ******* though
in fear of the future and a lack of control.
What the **** do we do?
Where the **** do we go?
That trailer
I thought I could save it.
Cleaned the walks and the carpets.
Drank myself to sleep,
freezing,
thinking
I was so righteous,
so destined for ...
something.
anything
except
that trailer.

i want to make love to you with my words
whispered temptations floating from my lips
to the hidden crevasses of yours ears, tickling.
your low gentle groans licking the fire at my pulse.
i'll drag my nails across the smooth
marble of your back and remind you how
very **** seductive you are, you're irresistible.
kiss the plunge between your thighs and
utter your name a thousand times as I
hold you close to me, closer now.
i'll rub myself delicious as i remind you
that i'm the very best you're going to get,
love.
with an arched back and scathing tongue i'll
demand you to take my flesh in you hands and
make love to it like only hands can
while my words are the only part of me touching
every single part of you.
i want to make love to you
like only lovers can and lovers do;
with words.

and i still can't stop beating myself up
for all this pain i feel.

Life can be like a bad dream sometimes
We all want comfort little love to get us through the long nights
Nobody wants to sleep alone
Everyone's afraid of the dark
But i will not be afraid
The light is always there
It is all around me
Nothing is missing
I am not waiting for the sun

Death beckoned her with outstretched hand
And whispered softly of an unknown land,
But she was not afraid to go
For though the path she did not know
She took death's hand without a fear
For God who safely brought her here
Had promised He would lead the way
Into eternity's bright day.

For none of us need go alone
Into the valley that is unknown,
But, guided by our Father's hand
We journey to the promised land.

She was your special loving Mother
You shared your lives with one another,
And you'll find comfort for your grief
In knowing her death brought sweet relief.
For, now she is free from all suffering and pain
And your great loss became her gain...

You know that her love is with you still
For she loved you in life and always will.
Love like hers can never end
Because it is the perfect blend
Of joy and sorrows, smiles and tears,
That just grew stronger with the years.
Love like hers can never die
For she's taken it with her to the sky...

So think of Mum as living above
No farther away than your undying love,
For now she is happy and free once more
And she's waiting for you at Heaven's door.

Helen Steiner Rice

When i wake up in the morning you are in my head
That's a clear enough message enough said

I feel pain
Outside there's rain
I feel alone
All I have is my phone
I wanna cry
Try not to reply