Trickling in my veins like a poison
You're toxic
Killing me slowly
Black tar thick like the love I once had for you

I'm running in a circle
Pure hatred bruises me
And I can't stop drowning.

Loneliness is a disease that's
Cure is like feeling the wind brush my hair
Swinging in the dark
Hold my hand through this rough ride
I didn't know where I was going but
I'd rather be clueless with you in your
Backyard observations
Tell me more about the world like how
Jolly Ranchers taste good when you're on the brink of self destruction
Or how
Your strength makes my trembling cease
Wrap me up in your shelter, sunshine
And the color of your eyes will be drawn in my soul from now on.

The vase broke when they said
You left.

Picture me
In a desert
Long from where you are, love
Grains of sand in my shoes
Like him, hurting the soles of my feet
Sun rays beaming on my back
It's the only way I feel warmth anymore
Sweat drips down my collarbone
This is where I belong

Picture me
In your backyard
Long from where you are, love
Thin branches from your tree
Leaves rustling in the gray hued sky
Stars have not emerged yet
Like my mind, blank and dull
Reaching for the spaces between your fingertips
Will I always be alone here?

Picture me
In front of you
Long from where you are, love
I don't exist to you
And how do I make the throbbing go away?
I jump in black holes to be
Stretched out, limb by limb
Just to have
A word
With you.

But you'll never know me, love.

Dear mother,
I still remember the days you would wake up and
Make us pancakes
Dance in daddy's shorts
You were full of life.

I catch scents that remind me of your sweet perfume (Elizabeth Taylor)
And everytime I see a butterfly
I feel your breath
The fragrance of sweet pink roses you left behind,
The curls I have left of you.

I still remember your unchanging love for us
That is now buried 6 feet under my ***** converse
Your relentless worry
Your cell phone number at the top of my head
(I dial it from time to time).

I still feel the void that remained
And how we tried to stay together
After you looked away from the world
Who would've thought that daddy would
Bruise me
Beat me
Touch me
(I'm so sorry you saw that).
Who would've thought brother would muffle my screams
Eat my soul
Lick my tears
(I'm sorry you didn't know).

And there's no real way to end this but
To know I will always miss
The way your lip rolled back when you laughed
Don't worry momma
We are okay
Sometimes
We'll be okay
And we'll meet again
But until then

Happy Mother's Day.

Like a flame
You've burnt out,
Leaving only hot wax that sears my skin.

"Paint me a picture,"
You said
But you destroyed my canvas.