Here I lie in a room,
alone.
Due to my mood,
its like lying in my own casket.
Posters look at me with empathy,
Posters entice me.
I've been this room alone about 5 hours.
Feels like an eternity since she left.
This posters have been the only ones
keeping me company.
My mind is hollow, empty, filled with
anger and jealousy I cannot describe.
This silence slowly driving me crazy.
Is this purgatory?
Trapped in my head,
in this room,
alone.

How can someone who fills me with
such torment,
leave with such joy in life?
She's asleep beside me.

She leaves my soul burning,
but beneath this burning,
is a feeling of bliss.
A feeling better than any position,
or narcotic I've taken in my life.
A feeling as euphoric as heaven
She is my ******.

While I sit here watching, all the good
memories that disappear.
And I intern, become haunted by
everything that taints my affection.

As the clock hits quarter to four, I should probably try get some rest. For within the next 24 hours, I've to be ready to welcome this again.

If you're ever feeling sad
If you're ever feeling down
If you ever cease to smile
And you begin to frown.

If you're ever feeling lonely
If you're ever feeling blue...
Just know that I'm right here
And I'm willing to help you.

.
**Crushes or
infatuations
•••don't last
••••this long.
•They're never
••this intense
•••••Never
this strong.
••I am in
thought,
••all day
and all night.
•••••Through
•••••moments of
••••••triumph and
•deepest, darkest fright.
•••I see you in all there is,
•••••I see you in everything.
••••••••Living in the present
••••but for the future I'm hoping
•••You calm and get me all riled up
••••••••••••••••at the same time.
••••••••••••You exist in metaphors,
••••••••••••••••••broken sentences
•••••••••••••and time worn rhymes.
•••••••••••••••••You give me life
••••••••••••••and take my breath
•••••••••••away altogether.
•••••••••You hold the key
to my erratic emotional lever.
•••••••••••You fill me full
••••••••••but empty me out
••••••••••••simultaneously.
••••You make me want to be
•••••••••••someone else
••••••••as well as being me.
••••••Paradoxes of the heart
•••they can never be quelled.
••••When hopes and odds
••try to be one and meld.
•••••This is how I know
••••••••that this is real.
•••••••••••••I'm truly,
•••••••••madly, deeply
••••••in love with you
•and it's all that I feel.

Like smoke in my lungs, it is an acquired taste that I could not bring myself to quit. And now that I have, the flavor is unprecedentedly toxic.
2. Your name is merely a catalyst to my relapse. You turned your head away from it then, and I know you will turn your head away from it now.
3. To hear that beautiful arrangement of letters coming from my own lips only reminds me of the genuine smile on your face that you can only have when I am gone. And every time it makes me wonder if I truly mean it when I say I am happy for you.
4. I cannot reconcile what is with what could have been. Maybe if I was still yours and you were still mine, it would be endearing to say your name.
5. When it's 4 am and I am falling apart in my half empty bed, I cannot find the breath to utter your name between sobs.
6. I have spent too much time pretending that your absence has had no affect on me that I have not yet grieved. But, I could never pity myself without shouting your name into an empty void.
7. Maybe I am only idealizing you, but his name left a bitter taste and I have been craving yours on my lips.
8. I cannot say your name because I know that if you were to turn your head in recognition, I'd get lost in those blue eyes and fall for you all over again.
9. There is no logic behind how I inherited the right to say your name. Since you have left, this complacency is eating me alive and I am only left to wonder why someone so beautiful would have ever touched a soul like mine.
10. I cannot speak of your name any longer because it is no longer my privilege. It is hers to say now.