So I told her
That I love her

And she told me
that she doesn't know
how she feels about it
but she does enjoy

our conversations
our talks late into the night
our small openings into
each others minds

and that was enough for me
to keep me
happy(?)

I should be happy.

I woke up alive and well,
I should be happy.

I have new books to read,
I should be happy.

I have 490 songs on my iPod,
I should be happy.

I have good grades in school,
I should be happy.

I have friends who I can talk to and fangirl with,
I should be happy.

I'm young, I have my whole life ahead of me,
I should be happy.

I should be happy,
I'm not happy.

(a.d)

i will wade out
                        till my thighs are steeped in burning flowers
I will take the sun in my mouth
and leap into the ripe air
                                       Alive
                                                 with closed eyes
to dash against darkness
                                       in the sleeping curves of my body
Shall enter fingers of smooth mastery
with chasteness of sea-girls
                                            Will i complete the mystery
                                            of my flesh
I will rise
               After a thousand years
lipping
flowers
             And set my teeth in the silver of the moon

but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once...and it's too much. my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. and then I remember... to relax, and not try to hold on to it. and then it flows through me like rain. and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.