why, what's wrong?*

sometimes everything, sometimes nothing, sometimes i don't even know.  

depression shows up uninvited and makes a home in my chest.

I don't believe in having a clean room. I don't believe in having a perfect complexion, or always having the right thing to say at the right time.
Because for me, beauty is in the chaos of everything.
Those times when people get home so drunk that they leave on their clothes and don't take off their makeup. They wake up with crinkled hair and a messy look on their face, confused. When people are in their most innocent state, so completely consumed with a feeling that everything else fades. When they aren't trying to be someone their not, not trying to keep up the facade of being the person with a clean room and a made-up bed. The people who are crying so much that there's spit and tears everywhere, but keep on crying. I fall in love with people in their most chaotic moments, because those to me are the beautiful.

How am I going to save you?

See it's number one on my to-do list,
And that little box is begging to be checked.
And i'm crying and worrying and losing sleep just wondering,

How am I supposed to do this?

But every single effort I make is falling through
And I see those scratches and cuts and...
I know that I would die if I lost you.

i'll keep them cast down tonight.

bang,bang,bang,

tears flow down my flushed cheeks.

but you'll never know why.

the other day,
i opened my heart wounds for you to see.
bleeding and exposed,
i thought you would let them heal, and leave them be.
but since your eyes were sharp and unclean,
you only stabbed and infected me.