Warm sweet chai melts these frozen days.
Blankets and books-  smells of musky pages and spice invade my nostrils.
I am home.
Our cat sniffs the air and then sleeps, his paws pushed under the radiator,
he hums a deep contented purrr.

We feel the same.

This lived in skin that I'm in: my chrysalis, encased in sin

This fragile smile - turn up, show face

These tired eyes keep dreams fresh of another place

When I told you it was broken
and gave you my key, you opened me up.
You kept talking to me.

When I told you it stopped, you reached right in, you gave me new rhythm
and welcomed me in

If it were up to me it would end by the sea,
cold air, strong tea
A final tight embrace,
Body warm against me,
Fast pace, turn and look back.
Breathe smoke..
A smile when we last spoke.

I'll  wonder if you miss us, that thought itself absurd

I'll  wonder if the secrets I've told you since have been left unheard

I'll wonder if there is nothing, just blissful quiet sleep

I'll wonder if all your memories are still yours to keep

I'll wonder if I'll see you in more than just my dreams, that thought alone- sometimes- makes the pain less than it seems.

I wonder can you hear me, my laughter and my cries,

I wonder what happens when somebody dies.

When
I
Became
A
Motherless
Child
I
Became
Lost
I
Became
Wild

There are no pictures of us.
Hushed meetings,
rushed moments fleeting,
our kisses stolen, quickly so as not to be
seen. There can be no souvenirs he says.

I think of tourists,
who captured us,
by mistake- and
I wonder if they kept them
A faint blur, an embrace, just.. something.

From now we are strangers,
there are no words left to be said.

This knot in my stomach-
a heavy twisting lead.

A long distant memory-  
swims through my head.

we are no longer friends
we are strangers instead

please be still.

He does not listen.

Buzzing he is like a worked bee

Not stopping till he is exhausted.

Done,
still,
asleep