Why Now!
Why Her!
Why I miss her!
I went to her to be with you, and don't know why all roads were leading to her with eagerness...
My breathes taken away, when she said she will leave...
Why fear went sneaky inside me, saying you brought hell to your castle!
My face says something...
My heart says something linked to face!
My soul says the unspoken words to me!
I'm happy, but I hate her!
I'm happy, but I feel pain in my heart!
I'm happy, but scared!
I'm happy that i'm alive because of her!

I missed her!
I missed the anger in her eyes!
I missed the arrogance in her lips..
I missed when she moves her hair aside, when she thinks deeply!
I missed her, when she smiles out of challenge...
I missed her, when she moves her eyes brow and open eyes out of cynical!
I missed her voice...
I miss you....
But all those became ashes flying in air...
I don't regret my time with you, I regret my heart let me feel fool!
As if i'm singing " When love finds a fool" song!
I'll miss my heart!

Folding her legs and sitting gently on sand afraid of hurting sands under her...
Like a gentle breathe on those dunes... dancing gracefully in silence...
Looking at her silence, like a story of a longing to peace is prevailing...
Looking at her silence, ****** me to dwell in the untold story...
Eager to know where the deep will reach inside her...
I will sit with her, listening to her story, but would she trust me...
Would she feel safe with me...
I can keep writing about her till my ink ends... But do i have the right?
A question that even life couldn't answer!

"We get crushes on others, not because we truly love and understand them, but to distract ourselves from our sufferings" How to Love
Book by Thich Nhat Hanh
I felt Naked!
I felt being with no hope left!
I felt I have to leave the world!
I flet I need help!
No air to breath...
No bed to lay on...
No sleep to catch...
All States are taken away and given to someone...
Graving to rest..
Graving to know...
Graving to live..
It is only one thing I look for...
                               It is only
                                Love
                           Is it much?

In the casket I saw you!
With a smile you are laying there!
The echo all over the place!
Whispers all around me and about you!
Who is the handsome?
Who is the one in silence?
Who is the one in quite look?
I read the eulogy, with faith it won't be heard only in heaven!  
I'm not lamenting you!
I just wanted to tell them the secret!
Just wanted to tell them who are you!
The echo carried my words..... With pain!
Prayers stopped from being spelled over you!
Are you doomed?
No!
Prayers are crying on you!
You are in safe hands!
Rest in peace!
It is not our funeral!
It turns to be their funeral and we are invited!
We are alive more than they do!
We are alive!

"You Sound Different"....
A question sent me back to days where the strange epic in my life!
A question kidnapped me to a moment where i was not me!
A moment I felt not connect to mind and my flesh...
A question let me stray in every pulse of my heart was given in this journey...
I shared the strange love and emotions freely with them... with happiness of feeling there is something inside me...
Stephanie... The Voice from Heaven... Listened with open heart...
Pushed me gently to be grounded in unstable ground!
Nancy.... The Fearless Artist.... You can hear her voice from back cheering your spirit telling you " I have your back"....
A night won't be forgotten...
A night where minds put a side...
A night where hearts and souls were chanting...
A night where...
                            Silver Samurai
                            The Voice from Heaven
                            The Fearless Artist
                                       are
Around that "Inner Light"
I felt healed with them and because of their generosity...
I felt healed because of their true selves...
                                       Thank you!

Beliefs were cracking in Hell in Black November...
Shaking hands with demons and Satan was near in Black November...
All my belongings in this world were lost in Black November...
To unspotted Dungeon I prayed to heaven to lead me...
Melancholy was my melody...
Blasphemous was my creed...
Doom was my direction...
Giving up on people...
Trusting no spirit around me, even myself...
Reading all my scripts, Leading to nowhere...
Loss upon Loss...
Losing my compass!
Losing my right to live!
Losing the bright side!
                                       Losing my soul!
All my limbs are not belonging to me anymore..
Anger snatching my flesh leaving me naked...
Bones are withering with the wind...
                                       I want to declare my Death....
Going to places and not feeling being there...
Looking at faces and can't remember I've been with them...
Talking without hearing my words reaching my throat...
                                              Am I Alive?
"You look different"!!!
Healers from different part of universe, looked at me saying "Put your self in Ease"!
You are the Quiet Angel, Keep Shining your light, never hide it!
                                         You are Special!
Your Heart is open and will heal!
Your Heart will be in Harmony!
Your Heart will be clear and you will have clarity in sight!
                                         The Light felt inside me!
With no pain in heart beating, my morning started!
With no expectation my mind woke up!
Reborn differently with solid Hope!
Thanks! (T & J)