My demons come out to play.

At the edges, their dance is alluring
Their perfumes swirl around me like ***** smoke
And I fiend to tumble deeper down the rabbit hole
To remember
Or to forget
Those inescapable repercussions.

On my throat
Across my face
Dragging me back and pinning me down
Inside and out.
How they haunt my dreams and rouse me relentlessly
Until unconsciousness is no longer an escape
And wakefulness is a constant battle
Oh, how those hands have conditioned me
Fore, I am at a point where my reflection looks bland without colour dancing across my skin
Or his hand-prints a perfect recollection as to why I must obey

So, until I can recognize the woman in the mirror whose only colour is her own
My demons inch closer while you love away my pain

Between us lies
an eternity
yet I breathe your air,
an eternity between
but I felt it again!
the thrill, the high when i'd caress your hair..

that same glimmer in your eyes,
that same stare,

a wiser embrace
a wrinkle here and there,
your countenance still other-worldly
and fair.

an eternity between us,
but you broke the spell!
still together..
and no one can tell

You miss a meal,
Then it turns to two,
A day passes,
And no one notices you.

Craving nutrition,
There goes a week,
Those many hours,
Longing for something to eat.

Using the same excuse,
"I'm not hungry, I just ate,"
The numbers keep dropping,
Was sixty-three, now fifty-eight.

You can't go back,
People are noticing you,
They say you should eat, and you say,
"You have something better to do."

It's harder than you think,
Just leave me alone!
Stop telling me to eat and drink!
If I need you, I can find my phone.

When someone you love dies,
It *****.
You lay awake at night, tying to process it.
Then, when you sleep, you either dream it never happened,
And get slapped in the face with it all over again in the morning;
Or you have nightmares of watching their soul seep away over their last few days,
And wake up in the dead of night,
With your heart thundering and tears in your eyes.

When the alarm goes off you have to take deep breaths and force yourself out of bed because,
Well, ****.
There's this gaping whole in your chest that constantly aches.
You use makeup to cover the dark circles and plaster a smile on your face because,
Guess what?
School doesn't just stop because your heart has.

Classes drag by, but they're a distraction.
But then the hours between are spent in empty bathrooms
With music turned up to muffle the insistent sobbing that comes when you find yourself alone again.
You'll stare at the blank walls,
Tv playing on in the background,
But your mind is empty and whirring at the same time.

This process repeats and repeats and repeats until,
Somehow, you manage to smile again without thinking of their face
And laugh without it turning to sobs
And the ache dulls down little by little.

So I just keep thinking,
Cry now because one day I'll be able to think of you and smile again.
It may feel like my whole world is gone
And the universe is continuously spinning around me,
But one day I'll catch back up to it.

Unfortunately,
Today isn't that day.