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 Jul 2014 Christopher Mata
nani
My hands are shaking,
My heart beats fast,
Your eyes have been glistening
In my mind for a while.

Sun-kissed skin and alcohol in our veins
and I wish to say we're in love,
but this isn't some cliché.
Oh I wish I was beautiful,
but God I am far from that.
I'll never be enough to have you,
not even every once in a while.

My bloodstream's still rushing,
my eyes flushed with tears.
Your lips smell like ***
and I wish to get drunk,
I fear.

Drunk stories,
siblings and SATs,
break ups
and cancer,
that made your dad ill.

You'll never smoke cigarettes,
They killed him you said.
Smoking hookah isn't any better.
You're stubborn,
and beautiful,
have I said?

You're young,
though you've lived so much.
Catastrophes have blown by.
But my God,
those eyes radiate innocence.
I'd look at you all night.

I feel like quoting a poem I found
"My parents warned me about drugs on the streets
but never the ones with hazel eyes
and a heartbeat"
I wish I'd written that,
it seems all about you.
Those hazel eyes are guns,
a kiss would pull the trigger
and make our heartbeats one.

Don't look at me that way,
Stop smiling or the stars will be jealous of your glow,
You speak,
I shiver,
my heart's about to blow.

And what would've happened if I'd been taken by the waves that day?
If I had sunk with the ocean at noon instead?
Your eyes would be unknown,
your heart undiscovered.
But I would rest in peace
without your haunting memory under my covers.

The wind breaks through and I think of you.
The sea resembles your eyes.
And thank God I'm not drunk,
because I'd dial your number and cry.
I thought I hated the beach,
but now it reminds of you.
Crap, I thought I was tough.
You bring my soft side out, too.

The stars were the witnesses,
of my soul falling in love.
The moon was hidden.
She was also scared,
I thought.

She knew how this would go.
'Not again', she mumbled.
4 am tears and melancholic poems,
she'd take care of,
and months of thunder rumble.

The moon hopes for no more sadness,
and my wishes,
for once,
to come true.

But God,
he won't love me,
and she knows that too.
Na.

An everlasting song
i lost myself in him
to fill the void you left
where your hands used to be
his wander
lingering touches on the curves of me
the curves you loved so dearly

i lost myself in the way he breathes
his chest heaving and sighing in rhythm to mine
how yours was so
ragged
uneven
like a large weight was placed upon your chest
maybe that weight
was me

i lost myself to him
rendering myself hopeless
to the soft lips on skin
the soft lips that when i close my eyes
reminds me of yours
so pink and full
i could bite that bottom lip always

i lost myself in him
because i found something inside me
that was long forgotten
i kick started the embers burning quietly
roaring to life at the first touch
of his hand on my thigh

i lost myself in the murmured praises
whispering words of my beauty in my ear
making the warmth spread
to the most delicate parts of me
making me ravenous
craving something only another can fill
all the words
reminded me of you

so i shut your face out
i shut out your voice and your words
memories of you and me together
in a situation of intimacy such as this
and lost myself in him

and now i can't seem to find my way back
I hate you
But love you

Despise you
But adore you

I tried to list your flaws
But instead simply realized your perfections

I want you to be happy
But I can’t stand being so sad

I wish I could forget you
Wish I had never met you

But at the same time,
I can’t imagine anything more upsetting

Than having never had the opportunity
To fall in love you.
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