I'm listening to songs I used to
listen to before I met you.
I'm wearing a shirt that I've always
wanted, before I met you.
I'm hiding behind bangs again.
A haircut I had before I knew you exist.
I'm writing in a book that was filled
with thoughts that weren't about you.

You see, I'm trying to connect to the old me again.
The one that wasn't aware of your existence.
Back then, I wasn't so sad, so confused.
I wasn't trying to impress anyone.
I didn't think of anyone else.
I want to be her again.
To resurrect her.
Maybe she wasn't
the best then, but at least
she was better off without you.

-m.b

Your ethereal exterior
and eloquence pulled
me in, like melted sugar
until I was fully coated.

You gave me the attention
I was yearning for. You heard
my silent cries of frustration;
You know how it feels like to be hurt.

You healed me,
or so I thought.
You conditioned me
so I could be your guard.

Like a dog to its master,
I stayed by you faithfully;
Despite you being the trigger
of my anxiety.

Cause you're a beautiful chaos.
I was the loyal peacemaker.
You wreak havoc and I, your Apostolos,
will make everything better.

-m.b

It's a dark and messy place
up in here. No clear space.
No matter how much you scrub,
more bad things will throw up.
It sends signals throughout
my body. I want to get out.
So if you're reading this and
you feel like you understand,
I'm so sorry. Wish I could help you
but I'm trying to heal too.

-m.b