He could say "I love you" just one time.
Just one time.
That one time could have more depth of emotions than all those 1002 times you breathed to him.
And it isn't fair.
It isn't fair that he loves you a lot;
he'd move mountains and knock out constellations
just for you.
Yet you wouldn't even jump over a puddle for him.
He could look at you like you're giving him life
and his breathing body depends on it
but everyone knows you're the reason
his once full, purely soul
is now chipped and torn.
Drenched
in toxicity
that you've
injected
into his veins.

-m.b

I used to believe in
11:11 wishes before.
When the clock strikes eleven
I'd wait for eleven minutes more.
Patiently anticipating
Until it turns into vertical sticks of four.
So I can quickly rattle in my mind
What I want before
Wasting my precious sixty seconds.
Repeating it like a favourite chore.
How disappointing
It was when I couldn't wish more
Before the magical time ends.
So when I grew older,
I stopped wishing
Because you appeared.
Isn't it amazing that you're everything I wanted, and more?
How we'd spend every day talking
And I'd get to know you more.
But as time passes, we don't
Converse anymore.
So now I'm waiting
For eight times one hour
To wish you all the best in
Your future endeavour
Or I'd start talking about you in
My 11:11 wish. Go back to how it was before.

-m.b

These lives once clung
to me;
supplying warmth and
energy.

But they've dried out
and left me cold.
So I peeled them off,
shedding skin that's old.

Cleansing, cleansing.

Determined to leave
my epidermis
smooth and new
before 2020.

-m.b

I'm in my room but I'm wishing that I could be with you right this instant so badly. In your car, with that sharp tangy air freshener hanging over the A/C, listening to your strange music that I usually don't listen to unless you introduce them to me, snuggling close for warmth as the sky keeps raining and droplets would form on the glass windows, racing down after each other.

Pretty boys aren't worth crying over, I know. But why are my eyes clouded with tears and my heart is squeezing painfully in my chest? "You aren't mine, you aren't mine, you aren't mine. You never were and you never will be. You belong with someone else. And you're quite happy, too." My mind rang so I quickly press exit and lock my phone. It isn't worth it.

-m.b

I hope that when you sleep tonight
your chest will hurt a little less,
your tears won't reach the pillow
and hope will bloom in your heart.

Honey, after everything you've gone through,
you deserve to have a good night's rest.
Minimize the volume of that sadness
and heal yourself. You deserve better than this.

I know your heart went through war
with emotions. That you feel things deeply
and I love that about you. But tonight,
I want you to make peace with yourself.

-m.b

I used to want someone to hold hands with,
Someone to be with,
Someone to hold
when it's cold,
Someone I can tell my darkest secrets to
And I could keep their secrets too.

But now I've grown afraid.
Is it really as amazing as what they said?
What about the pouring tears, the heartbreaks?
The time it takes
to move on when it doesn't work out?
The arguments and stinging insults you shout?

Perhaps it's better
for me to save myself. Here's a letter
that I would read many times
before I'd even think of committing crimes;
of falling for someone.
I'd rather be with no one.

-m.b

You're no good for me,
I know, I know.
But I take you in.
Breathe, love.
Your name echoing,
Left my lips.
A taste of you,
Salty.
Just the way I like it.
Salivating,
You in my mouth.
You, you, you.
I can't get enough

-m.b

At night, when the sky is darkest,
just before the glow of dawn,
I think of you. Pitter patters
of memories, right down
to the curve of your smile,
the fluttering of lashes,
your refreshing curiosity, like a child;
reviving them before they turn to ashes.
Add daydreams to these memories.
With wishes and dreams,
love, humour and fantasies;
bursting at the seams.

What is it like, to be a part of you?
You are a godsend, a blessing.
My dear, nothing compares to you.
You are as smooth as a dark satin,
as precious as gems on a king's crown.
Oh my, more precious perhaps.
You are flowers blooming all year round,
as joyous as a baby's first few steps.
You are as eloquent as a scholar,
with looks blessed by Aphrodite,
as humorous as a jester,
and you are a star to me.

A life-long dream, manifested in a body.
Who would've thought it'd come true?
Your presence makes me
fearless, safe as being on a plateau.
I can conquer anything;
even my nightmares and insecurities.
The painful past I carry doesn't sting
as much when you're here, Achilles.
Perhaps it is a mistake
to adore you this much. But oh,
it is a risk I'm willing to take.
Especially when you give me this much hope.

I pray that one day,
our matched souls will meet
at the gates of heaven.
I will finally get to speak
these words of love I've written;
to unleash my undying thirst for you.
Maybe we'll get to dance among
the stars I've whispered to.
And we'll all shine brightly.
Our reunion will be rejoiced,
with me in your arms safely;
and close the book on our story.

-m.b

Things tend to change after midnight. Feelings are all over the place; fear, joy and especially sadness. It scares me that the magic of after 12am might make you reckless. You tend to feel invincible and say or do anything you want to. Secrets and wishes released without a care because it's dark and most people are asleep. Somehow it feels safe to say anything because by morning as the Sun rises, it's like every little magic has vanished and you can start over. Forget the recklessness of last night.

-m.b

Turtle is too slow
But it kept its own pace and
Found eternal peace

Pink, orange, purple
Blend together nicely and
I feel somewhat calm

-m.b

It's a dark and messy place
up in here. No clear space.
No matter how much you scrub,
more bad things will throw up.
It sends signals throughout
my body. I want to get out.
So if you're reading this and
you feel like you understand,
I'm so sorry. Wish I could help you
but I'm trying to heal too.

-m.b

[02/03 2:37 pm] Blue: I hate him. I keep staring at him from afar and then when I can't see him, I'll stalk his pics. Drinking in his features, scrutinizing everything, comparing to what it looks like. Always, always in my thoughts. When I'm awake, when I'm asleep. Always. I need to stop this. I haven't had a crush this bad in so long
[02/03 2:38 pm] Blue: When he's next to me I'd sneak some glances and have it etched in my memory. Like last week I noticed his long nails and how it tat-tat-tatted on the table as he waited for the page on the laptop to load
[02/03 2:40 pm] Blue: When he walks I see how he moves his arms a little. It's like he needs to keep moving and I find it fascinating cause I've always been reserved and try not to attract people's attention while he basks in them. Seems like he wants to fill in the empty spaces around him. That is something I wouldn't do intentionally
[02/03 2:42 pm] Blue: If he were a dancer I'd understand why he's so laid back, so confident with his swagger and he's used to moving a lot. It's really mesmerizing and it pains me that I couldn't get close to him. I wish I could see more of him and study his quirks
[02/03 2:44 pm] Blue: Do you see where this is going? I, a curious watcher, am filled with restless waves crashing when it comes to him but he is just the calm waters after the storm
[02/03 2:44 pm] Blue: So you can't really ship it cause it isn't good for me
[02/03 4:48 pm] Aphrodite: I, for one, do not know him enough, still. Physically, yes, he's lovely to look at. Absolute eye candy. Like how some people are to me. They're fun to poke around with and maybe flirt a little, but a serious relationship is hard with them, at least, that's what I think.
[02/03 4:49 pm] Aphrodite: I still don't know him enough to know if he's good for you and, trust me, I would want nothing but the best for you.
[02/03 4:49 pm] Aphrodite: How intriguing he is to you doesn't really faze me. I think it's adorable, and it's a fun thing to watch people gush about.
[02/03 4:51 pm] Aphrodite: He's a typical bad boy but I've seen his loyalty to his friends and his unwavering need to be with his friends. Maybe he's not too bad.
[02/03 4:51 pm] Aphrodite: You are an absolute queen and anyone you date should be on par, if not better.
[02/03 4:51 pm] Aphrodite: Bad boys are fun too.
[02/03 4:55 pm] Blue: Thank you :(
[02/03 4:55 pm] Blue: Aha I wish he'd find it (and me) adorable too
[02/03 4:56 pm] Blue: When will I ever find that person
[02/03 4:56 pm] Blue: But I'm not a bad girl? Idk
[02/03 4:57 pm] Aphrodite: Sometimes never, because you're an angel and everyone here are devils and they're never gonna be good enough for tou
[02/03 4:57 pm] Aphrodite: Bad boys don't need bad girls
[02/03 5:01 pm] Blue: Guess I'm ****** to be alone, unloved, forever
[02/03 5:02 pm] Blue: Idk but I'm probably uninteresting to him
[02/03 5:02 pm] Aphrodite: I highly doubt it won't happen, especially with the way you are and how your words pull people in and your voice breaks hearts
[02/03 5:03 pm] Aphrodite: He's nonchalant about the world
[02/03 5:04 pm] Blue: And I break a little on the inside for wanting to be a part of his world

She is a swirling cloud of seduction,
Breathing in whatever that catches her attention.
She is all milky pearl and cherry red wine,
and peachy pink sighs.
Touching you in all the right places,
Marking her beauty on every possible surface.

You'll sigh her name late at night,
Wishing she could be by your side.
Left alone, drunken
on love you could never call your own.
Eternally wanting a piece of her
but no man nor god could ground her ether.

-m.b

when did i become like this?
saying sorry, over and over.
apologizing for things that
i didn't even do. feeling so
guilty at the tiniest things
even if i am not part of it.
the things i couldn't even
control yet i feel so bad,
i start scolding myself.
who taught me that? who
made me turn this way?
did i get hurt so many
times, i turn to blaming
myself for every little
inconvenience caused?
when will i stop saying
sorry when it does not
concern me? i'm sorry.

-m.b

I think it's foolish
to believe the possibility
that you are blind about how I feel.
Cause I wear my emotions like an armour.

-m.b

Gone are the days where I think of people I love as art.
The emotions I felt when I looked at their canvas; buried deep inside me.
But the artwork got up and left me for another museum.
And I'm left reminiscing the strokes and lines and colours.
They were never mine to keep.

-m.b

So many eyes were glued to her
when she entered
the room but she
was only fascinated with
the pair of eyes that never
looked at her.

-m.b

He was so beautiful, I was so afraid to touch him. In fear that the illusion might break and I would have nothing left to look forward to. Like Aslan from Narnia, he was majestic and all things brilliant. And I, a curious Lucy went up to confront him in all his glory. "He is real," I keep telling myself. "He isn't like the others, they're fictional. He is real," as I got closer. It started with a hand on his cheek. He was nice about it, he urged me to go on, I did. With no fear of rejection, I took my time exploring. It was exhilarating. I was sure he would take care of my heart. That he would prove himself to be real, that I could bring him to show him off, to tell everyone that it is proof. He is real and he is mine to keep. After I was done, he lowered himself to look me in the eye. He slowly reassured me that I am right. He is real but he's not that amazing. I was sad, but he is right.

-m.b

You're hot, then you're cold.
"She's like that," or so I've been told.

I like you better
when you're sober.

One day it'll make sense
But for now I'm a mess.

-m.b

I would pause reading,
turn the volume down
of my favourite song,
take a break from
eating a good meal just
to listen to you talk.
Not out of politeness,
but I just really like
to hear how your day
went. How your eyes would
light up, twinkle, and dance.
It'll put me in a good mood.

-m.b

I woke up angry.
You were in my dreams again.
I can't remember what it was about but I know your presence anywhere.

I felt sad.
Why did I let myself get dragged with just a flip of your head?

I feel motivated.
You are not allowed to allowed to toy with me again.
No, you don't deserve that.
You don't deserve me.

The sun rises.
I will conquer the world again.
And boy, I'll be a better version of me.
And you can't steal that from me.

-m.b

It left a bad taste in my mouth.
The sweet memory became sour and bitter.
How could the people that matter
make you feel bad?

-m.b

I remember that you liked smoking. Whenever I hear the lighter flicker, you'd be there. Cupping one hand around the paper stuck in your mouth. I tend to associate the smell and sound of cigarettes set ablaze with you. A week ago I tried to smoke for the first time, even though I hated it when we were together. But I miss you. And the smell of nicotine reminds me of you.

I remember that you tend to drink when you're upset. Your words turn to slurs, your eyes glisten, bloodshot. You said you'd rather drink to numb the pain than face your conflicts head on. I used to worry about you. Especially when you're driving alone late at night but you'd always get home safely. I don't have the stomach for it but four days ago I deliberately got myself drunk so I could numb my pain too. Like you.

One by one, a few days at a time, I'd think back on your bad habits and try them out. To see and feel what you felt when you did them. I'm thinking, maybe if I inhale just a little bit longer, drink just a little bit more, I could see what you have seen---that made you pack your bags and left me two weeks ago. All those precaution I took when I was with you are lost. Like throwing a pebble into the sea. Now your bad habits are mine.

-m.b

Your ethereal exterior
and eloquence pulled
me in, like melted sugar
until I was fully coated.

You gave me the attention
I was yearning for. You heard
my silent cries of frustration;
You know how it feels like to be hurt.

You healed me,
or so I thought.
You conditioned me
so I could be your guard.

Like a dog to its master,
I stayed by you faithfully;
Despite you being the trigger
of my anxiety.

Cause you're a beautiful chaos.
I was the loyal peacemaker.
You wreak havoc and I, your Apostolos,
will make everything better.

-m.b

Everything about you captivates me;
All your flaws are amazing.
Your button nose is ridiculously cute
You'd deny till we end up in a dispute.
The beaded sweat on your forehead
glisten like stars among the sunset.
Your intelligent eyes are sparkling
like my favorite constellation.
Your throaty laugh is incredible
like a music note that is intangible.
The way you walk is mesmerizing
and so very enchanting.
Your beautiful hands
are sculptured by the heavens,
Your brain is so wonderful
it should be exposed to the world.
Alas, the most important thing
is your smile, which could cure anything.

-m.b

I'll always write about you.
The love,
the heartbreaks;
different words,
same language.
I don't care
whether or not you deserve it.
Because my best writings
are always about you.

-m.b

The shivers that run through my body
feel like ghost fingertips running
across my skin, teasing.
It leaves multiple tiny bumps popping
and the hairs stood up on ends.

My breath caught in my throat,
I gasped as the air left my diaphragm;
only clean static remain,
pulsing in my bones.

Clean, glittering tears welled up like waves
and crashes down the smooth walls
covering my skull,
creating watered roads down hills.

-m.b

A shrill bell rung, splitting my attention.
I walked quickly, in hopes of seeing you.
You stood there, my mirth popped by tension.
Sneaking behind her but she said "I know it's you"
She turned and you gently kiss her pink lips.
I turn away, my chest heaving painfully.
I should've known, you loved her all along. I'd dismiss
it again and again. I want otherwise, truthfully.
With blurry vision, I ran blindly; following the pain
in my heart that travels all through my veins and body.
I'm a fool for you, falling hard and quick like the rain.
She's always been your lover and I, your buddy.
I wonder why our paths crossed. You're a trophy
I thought I deserve but I'm just a runner-up.
You keep me up at night, better than shots of coffee.
I want to move on but you have me in tight knots.

-m.b

You're like a broken mirror. I tried to help you but I'm a fool. This isn't my job. I tried to pick up the broken pieces but they were too sharp. I put on a brave face anyway. Hiding the grimace with a forced smile, as if it doesn't bother me. As if I couldn't feel the pointy shard slicing through my skin. You and I, we're a mess. But I'm messier. I'm a broken mirror too. I thought I could fix you. I thought that one of my broken parts could fix yours. So I tried again and again, to place my chips in your hollow sections. Only to have it fall through. I'm bleeding from all the cuts you gave me. I'm bleeding from all the work I'm doing. I tried to be a part of you and I'm scarred in so many places. Honey, you don't know how much I love you. I would've smashed even more of myself to look for that solid piece to complete you. But the sad thing is, we're not compatible. And we never will be.

-m.b

I remember you told me that when you kissed him for the first time, you cried. You finally felt truly loved by someone. And ever since then, you two were inseparable. Building each other up, brick by brick. And when you look at each other, it's like you've found magic in each other's eyes; warmth and pure love exploding within you. You understand each other and tenderly open each fold of his heart as he does the same for you. I feel like the word "love" doesn't come close to what you have. It's something much, much bigger. You two make me believe that whatever you have for each other, is real. I hope it'll last for an eternity. And I hope someday I'll get a taste of it too. But for now, I'm just happy you two are together. Building, building, building.

-m.b

You said that you don't like him
But why can't you stop smiling when his name is mentioned?

You said that you don't like him
But why does your heart beat faster;
You catch your breath when he's next to you?

You said that you don't like him
But why do you get so worried whether or not he'll leave you on read when you text him?

You said that you don't like him
But why do you scout for him in the sea of faces?

You said that you don't like him
But why do you go to bed thinking of him and he's the first one in your mind when you wake up?

You said that you don't like him
But why do you keep talking about him and wanting to bring him up everytime you open your mouth?

You said that you don't like him
But why does everything remind you of him?

You said that you don't like him
But why are you writing this very poem with him in your mind the whole time?

-m.b

Remember when we used to chat all the time?
All the sweet words you kept raining on me.
That my brain keeps telling me
No no no. Don't fall for him. Don't.
Run. Save yourself.
But no.
I read your words.
I heard them.
Wanting so badly to believe.
I did.
Blindly letting you lead the way.
And in the darkness I was drunk on your sweet, sweet words.
Then you pulled away.
Letting me roam and bump and fall and scrape myself.
With bruises and cuts and you
Never. Once. Helped. Me.
I lay helplessly on the ***** floor.
Messy and sticky with your then sweet promises.
If I see you again,
I want you to repeat all your words.
See how you like it now.
See how you can say it straight to my face.
All the empty promises.
All the fake confessions.
I hope you choke on them.
I really hope you choke on them.

-m.b

My hair smells like you. I'm reminded of when we were so inseparable before. I miss that. How close we were; we talked about so many things. How empty I felt whenever we parted. How I always felt so misunderstood my whole life until you came in, tuned into what I was saying and it's like you're the only one fluent in my language. How you had no problem understanding me, telling me things I needed and wanted to hear. I finally felt valuable. But we grew distant and as much as we try to get closer again, it doesn't seem to work.

Our bond is so cold now. I no longer feel warm in your arms. We're as cold as ice; dying. I'm trying to make it work but I don't think my efforts will be able to defrost the Antarctica of our relationship. I don't even know who you are anymore. You're like a stranger and I can't be who I am with you because you look so fragile and talking to you is like dancing on thin ice. I'm so afraid I might break you. I just hope you aren't completely frozen as a stranger.

-m.b

Meetingyouinmydreams,IfeltsosohappyandyouweretoobutIwonderifwe'ds­taythesameinreallife.Icouln'trememberthelasttimeIfeltsohappyinmys­lumber,reachingmetillIwakeupthatyouwerethereasonwhyIfeltlikeIwasg­oingtocombust

-m.b

Ten, nine, eight;
Time slows down.
It's getting late.
A smile sours into a frown.

Seven, six, five;
"Is this the best
ending for my life?"
Oxygen struggles in my chest.

Four, three, two;
I hear the angels sing.
Would you be there too?
My soul is floating.

One, one, one;**
My eyes flutter, they shut.
This isn't what I want
but I don't have the clout.

-m.b

She loves me, she loves me not,..
I picked the petals off the flowers.
I was bathing in the sunlight,
Wearing the yellow dress you love so much.

She loves me, she loves me not,..
I said with each petal plucked.
Pretty, like the love you brought.
And the happiness that came with it.

She loves me, she loves me,..*
I stopped. I wanted it to stop.
Back when we loved each other a lot.
Tearing up, I threw away the bouquet.

-m.b

We were in a car. We took turns driving. When it was my turn, I crashed. I meant to do it but I didn't expect the outcome would be so bad. I had my seatbelt on. I thought I would be a little bit shaken and I would move on but I experienced the whole thing: the cuts, bruises, fractured ribs, whiplash, nausea. But you look fine as far as I could see. You've always been fine. However the car and I are a wreck.

-m.b

Like a pendulum, it swings.
Then up and down on a graph.
Happiness blooming;
Light me up and stuff.

Then there's the pain
banging between my ribs.
I'm a balloon tied in chains;
Shoved down like sips.

And I'm tired. Honey, I'm tired.
Of feeling the greatest
then having it snatched
from my outstretched hands.

What about you?
Escalation, de-escalation.
Do you feel it too?
Close my eyes, my stomach churns.

I gasp at kindness.  
Then get angry at malice.
I don't deserve any of these.
Baby, baby. Why do I exist?

-m.b

I would blame it on bad timing,
A wrong decision
Or something.
A conjured future with precision,
A huge almost. How disappointing.

But the sad thing is,
It wasn't even an "almost"

It was something I wanted,
But it wasn't in your mind.
It's heavily highlighted;
Our stars were never aligned.

It has been over 200 days
Nearly one year of hurting
What a waste
Repeatedly swaying

It's a great lesson
I am never meant to be rushed

Day 299
And I am still healing
I broke down
But I'll keep trying.

-m.b

I can see but I feel
like I'm being blindfolded.
I see light and everything but
I can't make sense of what I see.
Why is everything a blur
even when I have my glasses on?
I get scared. So scared
That people are watching
my every move.
They're probably laughing at me.
Make it stop.
No one cares.
I feel like I'm a disgrace
And I'm an awful person.

-m.b

Dear Eros, get your arrows ready
to let it fly.
Isn't this what you do best?
I'm probably your fave subject;
What with the countless arrows you've
struck with.
I'm probably painted with over a
hundred wounds.
Is unrequited love my muse?
Or do you and Aphrodite do this out of amuse-
ment? I've fallen for so many people
and they never work out.
What is this all about?
You're close to testing me doubt
my worth;
But I won't let you.
I'm weak-kneed when it comes to
romantic love but
your prophecy won't alter my
life completely.

-m.b