Faith

As a child, faith is the only thing you’ll ever have.  You’ll have faith in your parents to protect you and love you.  Faith in your friends to make you smile.  And you might even have faith in God.  But when you become a teenager your faith will leave you. The faith you have in your parents will disappear the first time they say they hate you for a mistake you made.  The faith you have in your friends will disappear when they leave you for their boyfriend.  And the faith you have in God will disappear when he lets her die.  But you’ll still have faith in yourself.  You’ll have faith to know when you’ve done too much or you’ve done too little. You’ll have faith to know if you’re ok or not.  And you will have faith to love. To love your parents even though they’ve made mistakes.  To love your friends even though they might be gone. And if you want love god because why not.  And have faith to love yourself. Because the faith you have in yourself will never be diminished. Whether its a flicker of a candle in the back of your mind or a raging forest fire in your eyes. It is there. You will never loose it.

Thank you for bringing me into this  world.
Thank you for putting up with me
I know I’m hard to handle, with my episodes
My episodes when I’m too sad to get out of bed
Or when I won’t sleep for days because there's too much to do
Or my episodes when I won’t speak to you at all
Or when I'll talk to you for hours at a time
I know I’m such a pain
Yet you still love me
Thank you for everything
Thank you for being my mother
I love you

In my lifetime there have been lots of things I tell you and no one else
Hey, I think I’m bisexual.
Hey, I'm in love with the man that's in love with you.
Hey, I want to **** myself and I just need to be near you.
Hey, let's move in together when we go to college.
But there's one thing I'll never be able you tell you.
Goodbye

I am an explorer
I explore mountain tops
and rolling valleys
I explore the world from top to bottom
I am an explorer
I explore mountain tops
that are rough
and jagged
and some higher than others
but still beautiful
I explore valleys
that are deep
and dangerous
and not quite straight
but still beautiful
I am an explorer
I find comfort in these places
These beautiful places
When I tell people I’m an explorer
they ask me where I go
I tell them beautiful, wonderful places
Yet I know that they won’t find the same beauty that I do
I know they will never understand the wonder I see
I know they will never understand the comfort I feel
when I touch the dirt of these places
So when I tell you that I’m an explorer
I mean it.
I don’t explore seas
or deserts
or far off lands
The world I explore is that of my body
I explore the mountains and valleys that I have carved into my thighs with razor blades
Yet they’re just as beautiful as the ones outside.

Sorry
The last word in every one of my sentences to you
The first thing out of my mouth in the morning
Sorry is the the most frequent word in my vocabulary
Sorry is my lifeline
Sorry is my safe place

Don’t be
The first word in every one of your sentences to me
The last thing out of your mouth at night
Don’t be is the most frequent phrase in your vocabulary
Don’t be is your reassurance
Don’t be is your consolation

One day when I said sorry
You didn’t respond with don’t be
That's how I knew that it was over

I cried over you but never cut.
When you asked me why I told you that the pain of heartbreak hurt more than razor blades.

When I tell you that I love you. You cry because you know for once I'm telling the truth.
When I tell you I worry about you. You cry because you know that I would die for you.
When I tell you that you are everything to me. I cry because I know that you feel the same way.

No matter how many boys I kiss.
I still can't stop thinking about your lips.
No matter how many bottles I drink.
Your eyes are still more intoxicating than any liquor.
No matter how many cigarettes I smoke.
Your smile still makes my breath catch more than any cigarette could.

I can feel you forgetting me.
You used to compliment me on my nails knowing I had hours getting them just right.
Now you don't even notice that I painted them your favorite color.
You used to tell me that I didn't need to wear makeup, that I was beautiful without it.
Now that I don't wear it anymore you can see the dark circles under my eyes from the sleep I lost over you.
I can feel you forgetting me.
You used to tell me that my constent humming was annoying with a smile on your face.
Now you don't realize that it's your favorite song that is falling from my lips.
I used to doodle happy things on the edges of my paper when you were around.
But now all I do is write heart wrenching poetry about you.
I can feel you forgetting me.
Please don't forget me.

I was your puppet, and you my puppeteer
I knew no other comfort than the one that was here
You pulled my strings this way and that
You brushed my hair underneath my hat

I sang when you said
I danced at your cue
I even balanced on your head
I would do anything for you

But now you are gone
You have cut my strings
You left me timid as a fawn
But at least I had your rings

As I grew, I became more brave
There was one thing I had come to crave
I was glad I still had your rings
So that I could buy myself a set of strings

I may have started out the runt
But now I'm the leader of the hunt
Yes those are howls you hear
For you are my puppet, and I your puppeteer

You were everything, anything, and something all wrapped into one. Yet no matter how many times you told me, I was still nothing.

You broke my heart into a million pieces. Yet, I was apologizing about the mess that was made.

Everyone has a first love and you just happen to be mine. All you want to be is friends. But I can't help loving you. So I'm sitting here crying, telling myself that I have to move on. I don't know how to move on so
I guess I'll just be a *****.

I promised to stay with you forever. But when forever ended, you were the one that walked away.

To me, you are like the moon in the sky. But to you, I’m just one of the billions of stars.

The funny thing is, is that I was willing to carry you a thousand miles. Yet when I stumbled and fell you walked away.