If I was beautiful
And rich
And my family had a rivalry
With another family in town
I’d definitely fall in love
With one of their kids
And sneak out at night to see him
And he’d crawl in my bed
And we’d fool around
Hoping my parents
Wouldn’t find out
We’d try and run off together
Be free from our parents
And all their expectations
Who would care if we’re young?
We’d be in love
And that’s all that would matter
Right?
So we’d get married
Behind our families’ backs
And come up with some elaborate
Out-of-proportion plan
To run away together
Like they wouldn’t be able to find us
So I'd pretend to die
But Shakespeare’d **** me over
And my man would just play dead
Only for me to really die
So that he could continue
Winning the heart
Of every poor innocent girl
He'd meet
So much for star-crossed lovers
But me
I'm just seeing stars
I’ll never call lucky
And I won’t be thanking

What does it feel like?
My little sister asked
Fourteen
Beautiful
The innocent smile
Of a still naive child
Who’s never felt anything more
Than sweaty palms
In a big echoing gym
Forced to dance with an
Awkward eighth grade boy
For phys ed credit
And embarassment
What does love feel like?

Love is the awkward silences
The first time you hang out
And neither of you knowing what to say
Love is being best friends
Love is racing down back roads at night
Windows down
Music blaring
Slamming on the horn
And flashing headlights
And raising hell
Love is pulling an all nighter
To spend one last night together
Even though you have to work
At 5 am
Love is drinking Yoohoo together
Love is sending stupid videos
And care packages
Because his laughter
Is your favorite song
Love is his huge smile
He only shows you
After you tell one of your jokes
That no one else
Thinks are funny
Love is hugs
And smiles
And texts
And sniped photos
And late night phone calls
And life advice
Love is the tears
And the trust
And not wanting to be
With anyone else
Love is being impatient
Wanting to see him again
Before he even leaves
And love is knowing
Every time you’re staring at brake lights
That you’re too perfect to pass up
Probably

So I turn to my sister
Nineteen
Pretty
The watery smile
Of someone too young
To have been through so much
Who’s never known anything
Close to the perfection I seek
Only liars and cheaters
Who’ve left me broken
And empty
And I tell her
Love is

The smooth, perfect edges
Of a never broken heart
Could never fit with mine
There’s no room for me
But your heart,
With it’s rough, jagged edges,
Fits with mine
Like the final two pieces
In a thousand piece puzzle
Thats taken years to finish
Making something new
Something whole
Out of the pain
The hurt
The scars
And the imperfections

In the place my parents
Never wanted me to be
Never dreamed I’d be
Their perfect daughter
Off at college
Studying, of course
Even on weekends
In your frat house
In sweaty dark rooms
Lit only by black lights
With music blaring
So loud
You feel the bass in your
Not well covered chest
Solo cup in hand
Already feeling the room
Begin to spin

You’re the boy my parents
Never wanted me to meet
And the guy who would never
Have gone to my high school
And the one my friends
Would have hated
Back then
With the pierced lip
And tattoos
And smoking
And drinking
Getting handsy
And speaking fast, fluent Spanish
The later it gets
On a Friday night

You were everything they never wanted for me
And everything I needed you to be

I drove past your shore house today
It's not at all how I remember it
Instead of a well-kept, bright exterior
Paint was chipping
Windows were cracked
Sand had blown up on the porch
I peeked in the windows
But there was little to see
In the shadows
Other than broken promises
And half-assed repair jobs
That hadn't fooled anyone in years

Driving home from your favorite spot
Curled up in the passenger seat
Of my grandmother’s car
Because I couldn’t focus on
The pavement lines
I was too infatuated with the smell of
My grape cigars and
Your black cherry cigarellos
Chasers
To the last of
Your keef
One arm out the window
Feeling the summer air cool
As the sun drops
Below the horizon
I can’t take my eyes
From my cracked mirror
Smashed by a mailbox
A few miles back
Through the cracks I watch
Your fingers run
Through your too long brown hair
The same color
As your mellowed out eyes
You never look my way
But you feel my gaze
And your perfect lips turn upward
Into your stunning smile
And as the cause of that grin
I glow like the embers
Of our final cigars
Stamped out quickly
The next morning
As you leave me in your
Unbroken rearview
Cigarette out the window
Smiling the whole way
And never looking back

Skin the weak
White blue
Of skim milk
Hair as dark as
A starless night
Red lips
The color of an
Open wound
Not quite frowning
But not smiling either
Wide eyes scared
Of the judgement
Of every eye that meets hers
One flaw
And she loses all value
One chip
One crack
And any careless
Or ruthless
Passerby
Can split her wide open
And expose her every
Imperfection