I've finally got that small girl out that killed herself down my drain.

Listen, the world is bigger than the end of your nose

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And I watch her, with nothing to say.
Needles hanging out of her pocket.
****, her best friend to belong.
Or whatever else she can cram
into her body.  
She gone, yet she walks.
For how long?

My daughter name is Brie Sarita. She used to write poems on here. She passed away Oct 10th 2015. Funny just looked at this site and her last poem was on Oct 10 2014. I just wanted to share

Pretty, I'm pretty.
Sparkles my name used to be tiny dancer.
The bouncer loved me.
But the guys paid money.
I lived with one.
He made me insane.
He said I was used up and would be nothing again.
The bouncer knew until he cared no more.
Another guy came in again and again.
Smiling, stuff I couldn't fucken stand.
I decided I would end my life that night.
That other guy always ask me out.
This time I said yes.
Knowing I was ending my life that night.
I was fine.
Out we went. Home I came.
Pour myself a bath and saw the straight razor.
Started to use it on my wrists.
Door bell rings.
**** he forgot his hat.
He said he had a great night.
With my towel wrap another me and my hands behind my back he reached for a hug and never looked back.
Bathroom bound again.
My ex came home and found me in the bathroom.
He was so ****** about the mess.
You know me bleeding everywhere.
He phoned 911.
Off I went.
After I was stitched up.  
And made a ran for the door....out of the ward.
Back I went. I was sent downstairs in the cold unfinished basement to heal.
Buddie kept on phoning me.
I finally got the call.
He said whats going on haven't heard from you in a week.
Strange thing is my jacket on the back had blood on it the night I drop you off.
Told him my story and we were packed up within two days.
We went home as he put it.

Just when I catch my breath and come up for air and feel the sun on my face. My eyes embrace the sun. It's shinny here. I'm not use to this place. So, I dive back under to where it's cold and dark . See, I'm comfortable there. I like the struggle. It's all Ive ever known.
I get tangled up in seaweed and sharks infest my world. I have to swim a lot or die alone.

I can see right through you dragger teeth and all.
Don't think you can have me. I will not fall. Your words
cannot tame me. I will not fall. Smiling oh so gleefully.
Entertainment for us all. Your weak I will make you weaker.

   Players cant have all the fun. Predictable ~~~ ya Im bored!
                   So long.
Pretenders take the fall.
             Bye
                Bye!
Ya, I like that I can rip off your head and sew it back on the next day.
Or the day after that.
Switch *****, switch.
Four dead strands and you again.
Dance like you've never dance before.
I like watching you flip. Funny like a *****.
Who's the ***** now *****.
Who's  the ***** now...lol
Ya I laugh your funny. See you in the rain.

Ya, don't ya know Grandma lost it.
She lost it on a grain of salt.

That **** no good man (laughing)

Its all twisted up like you.

Ya, lets celebrate applesauce for all.
You grind your teeth to much.

I like to watch you while you fall.

Upon reflection a smile brims on her face. She sees the world through tainted eyes that no one will ever embrace. Fantasy, dolls, linen and lace. Everything's so perfect, there nothing to take. How lovely am I to live in such grace. Such a sweet girl she must be seven or eight. Vibrant colours etched in her mind. She sees only one thing at any given time. The world is  perfect so she dances about. A thunder cloud snaps and she begins to come out. That's okay it's medication time and the ward is giving them out.

A battle ground from this scorched land where wild flowers use
to grow has left me borrowed and bruised.
I am not who I once was. I used to see flowers in the hills. Where
I wanted to explore.
The canyon black skids marks has tampered this field of bright
green light.
My induced breathing is narrow. My fear keeps me here under
the burrow.
I must go before the crow awakes. Breathe deeply. This is the
first take.

Creative errands that run in time have brought me to this centre line. Where I go it's up to me. Believe in yourself and you will be free. What you are doesn't have to be. Believe in you and set yourself free.Come sail away from this writhing hoax. For all it was, was a centre of jokes. This is not how it's meant to be. But you didn't decide on what it was to be.

You can't keep track of crazy, cause the reasons are unknown.

       Forces moving in directions the acute eye is not attune.

       It's not something tangible that you can keep in direct sunlight.

       Magnified so blindly. It's passes through the light.

       "Hello are you there?"

       Smiling, as we sleep together. Hold me close and keep me warm.

       "Don't put your hands on me!"

       "I'm here, it's Doom."

       Look, the sun is rising blazing the white moon.

       I didn't know crossing paths with you, would someday take me soon.

My greatest fear is finding a corner in a room, moving to that direction, having
a conversation with myself and liking it there.

Lying naked and alone on my bedroom floor. Fragmented splinters left in the corners of my mind. I **** myself out just to stay on time. I live in a room on the second floor. But, really that girl doesn't live here anymore.
                       Shhh........ Do you hear him? I think he's at the front door. Oh God, I think he's creeping up the stairs. I can't take it anymore!
                             Rag Doll..............Rag Doll... Shake that furry tail!
                             See her? ..............See her?..... Nowheres!

                    Lost, lonely, and confused once more.......****** where are you?

Sometimes I smile at dum people, when they speak in their handicapped way. The other day I thought I saw someone sharing a glance my way.

Come, sit in starry silence and stare at amber rain....sorry, I thought I heard you laughing. Or is it just me again?

I've dried myself off! I can't get wet anymore!
To you I look so strong, showing no emotions. But, I have moved on.
Only a shell remains here and it's set itself to stone.
I feel safe here. It's now a place I like to call my home.
When the waves come a crashing, I stand so firm! You can't grab me and
take me for your own.
Only the algae that's grows around me has any connections to this soul.
I'm safe here. I m at home.......

So you ******* left me.
You stupid fool.
Didn't you know we were going to be free one day.
But I guess you couldn't read me.
It's hard to read a cold *****.
I thought you were happy.
No you weren't  I'm ******* lieing.
So this is how it ends.
I shouldn't be surprise.
You told me that I made you this way.
Nice. ******* nice. Nice cross to bear.
I'm so sorry.
But it's not my fault.
I don't know.
Like we are here, and now your gone.
Listen we were split up for years.
How dare you leave me like this.
You told me ... Kay it's not me.
I'm here. I'm so sorry.
But you can't blame it on me.
Do you want me crazy like you.
I shouldn't have that.
Like you had other sorrows.
It wasn't just me right?
Dam it your dead.
You can't answer me.
No I'm not taking this.
You can't do this.
Kay maybe I'm blowing this all out of proportion
But your dead *******.
See I already feel bad.
Kay I'm done.
I'm  not going to get any answers writing to myself.
Writing to myself.
Writing to myself
Writing to myself.
I could of done more, I guess, I don't know.

You think you are something, but you are nothing.
You are just a whisper of a wind, in this thing called life.
You would be nothing with out me but yet you cause such pain.
You are a fool among fools. Go play your game but not with me.
For I see you for who you are. And, not what you say it to be.
Your lies you lie are building up around you.
        It's a shame cause I used to really love you but you are no more.
Just a fragmented piece that lays on the floor.

Dancing, shifting, laughing through an empty light. Movement magnifies my cross of flight. Here we go again into the midnight.
Paralyzed by fear knowing something is wrong. I try to catch myself but my brain has moved on.
I am stuck inside this body with no hard drive. I don't know which circuits are still left on.
I am going through a tunnel or my body starts to float above. It's best to go to night with the lights turn off. Not flicking on and off like a strobe light show.
For I know here we go again and I m paralyze with fear. Can't talk, can't move, or move too much, or stare. Muscle movements, muscle twitches. Switches being overstimulated.
I am locked inside this body with no escape in sight. Please help me Lord! For the snake is  by and he is crawling in my head.
I feel like screaming out let this madness end.
But my voice is gone and he taking me for dead.
I have to breath.......I have to breath that takes all of my focus. I don't like people near by I like to be left alone for I have no control and it's a scary sight.
What you see from the outside is magnified a thousand times for me. For I felt myself falling in a blink of an eye.
It doesn't really matter it's not like you can save me. I cannot even save myself.
See, a gust of wind blew by me, and took me from myself.

Fool, your a fool don't touch me.
And then we have a understanding.
And, then I wont have to lie.
Listen up, I really don't like you.
Your making this hard. I fucken don't understand why!
I'm only hear for my game.
And you are asking me why?
**** don't head trip me now.
And then I don't have to tell a lie.
   Who told you I really give a ****. Not me, so I call *******.
Emotional.... Stand on your own two feet.
Ya I'm sweet but I lie.
Bye.  
Lol... you were caught up by you..lol. But you thought it was me.
Hey! I didn't see your pipe dream you played in your head.
Its best for you to consider me half way dead.

Playing the games that lovers do. But I, was never I.
Photos longing to be touch.  ME, I love me oh so much.
I could never see you. You were just a prop. A puppet show.
For me to walk on by......brown eyes...brown eyes....and your half way
smile. Smile through the pain. Half way but not a mile.
      Selfish ***** ---- Selfish *****
What a witch was I. Did you see me always ready for a pose.

You were crazy, sorry that was me. You sleep now.
Maybe I will see you one day. No. I don't think I could handle that depth.
So....maybe?....Never, lets let it be. You loved me! But I know you loved others. Damm pictures reminding me of what should have been.  
You haunt me. Now I don't feel free. Chains on me now.
God, set me free.
Puppet show, puppet show  .....who has the strings now.
Haven't seen you in a while.

Really the internet is just an experimental *****. It's doors are always open to come in and explore. How much you leave behind is open for discussion, ignorance galore. So come  on in, we're open for business, like
...24.

She's just an angle who fell from heaven
       to fast and fury along the way.
     
       She broke a wing on her descend down to earth,
       see, she can't fly away.
       She landed with a spatter to no one that
       mattered who left her, bruised and battered.
       She's a child a God ****** !I don't understand how people
       can leave her this way.  
       Let's mend that wing so she can sing,
       and fly off to where she's suppose to be.
       A child of God. A person among people.
       A life that needs to be lived.

You were here I felt you on the edge of my tips.
Startled by my presence. I became drain.
It's a sickening feeling drowning in your own body.
No, WAIT!  I like water but, not this much.
DROWNING ~~~~~~~~
I walk with my eyes close tight.
It's somewhat comforting knowing I don't see.
From time to time I hear the rattling of my bones.
****, get it together.
But, the voices won't leave me alone.
The voices are all from me and sometimes from other's.
Shut the **** up and just leave me alone!
Clean Slate ; Clean Slate.
No!  Replay Replay....
Can I go back?
A laughter I hear alone.
Mainly I see the concrete below.
I look up once in a while and see the birds they bother me.
The doorbell rings it time for below.

Twisted thoughts once perceive as your own. Has brought you
to this promise land. Chances remain unknown. Walking through chain
link fences.
    To an unmarked grave
                          ......... called your own.

  You didn't think your fantasy could be your reality.
Ain't no fun now girl..hey? Ain't no fun now.

Jonesing.....got to get it over. Got to get one over on you.

( Laugh )   I see you. Your as transparent as a straight *** line.
Got to get one over.
AND I WILL GET IT ON YOU!

        Next victim please.

In going insane what the **** wrong with me. I think I need a new life. A new cat would help to. My cat now ****** on the basement floor. Kay, maybe a lobotomy would help. I want to dribble on a bib. I want to feel nothing and see nothing. And be nothing. Or maybe I want more. Who am I kidding. What's wrong with me am broken. Kay, let's go back to a life. I have a cat that doesn't **** on the floor, a white fence. No ****** I want more. I don't know what I want. K, sign me up for the bib. And drugs, give me lots of drugs. And they best do it right. I best be not in the corner. Dribbling on myself, looking crazy eyed, and still have a small piece of me left. I'm going to be ****** ****** in my wheelchair ******* in my diaper. If it's going to be done it's best be done right.
No conscience left!

With the whispering wind of sadness guides us through the light.
    May peace be with you turning your madness into bright.
    Bright rays of hope of what you desire and let this ring burn
    down your fire.
           Change the hardest thing to humans....

A game of chance?
            A roll of the dice?
                     A spin at the wheel?

Or is it as methodological as a chess board match. Each move filtered from the last.

Why, yes good man don't be a fool. Where you move now is where you'll be taken. One false step and it all could be mistaken.

So my life is built on a step ladder? The higher I climb the greater the latter?

Yes and no ---- only you will see later. Good luck my son you must journey alone.
          But remember.....
If you are constantly looking back then maybe you have taken a destructive path.
Reboot and untangle those twisted wires. For man was not built to sit for too long.

Sparkling twilight zone of a world forseen
Who are you to guestion her of your love.
Branches scratches on the window pane
Of your love so mean.
Good luck sweet child you will walk alone
With a shadow of sorrow, empty promises
Of tomorrow that will never be
Sadness will rain upon your heart
And his soulless soul will fill your
Hole of promises that will never be
And you....well..you'll never be free
So go walk in the shadow and get lost
In tomorrow .......

I saw her yesterday holes in her face.
Glass in her hand. A hold I cant embrace.
She used to be someone's child. But now the streets call her by name.
I couldn't stay to long. For maybe I would have remembered
where she belongs. But, she... she belongs nowhere she is none thing. She just a ******. Looking, there always ******* looking! That's why they cant have anything. Not even themselves.  
I like to hear  from her now and again. You know, just to make sure she alive. Alive, how funny that is!  If that's living I bear witness to
a corpse.
Awe, she was always a runner. Run baby run. You have no place to go. Circles, circles. circles.You just digging your own grave. Its always ground hog day your just going around the block.
Isn't it hard bashing your head.
Words she cant hear my WORDS. I lost her she cant find me.
I would love to take her by the hand. And let her remember the time we used to walk this land.
If she could feel my heart, I might have a chance. But, there no way
when .... when there's nothing. Nothing to behold. Her mind racing.
There's so much to do. She's very busy you know.
Ya,.. like most when there's nothings left to lose.

Relying on someone for all your happiness is like giving breaths to a C.P.R. dummy and expecting him to get up and thank you for all the breaths and chest compressions you just gave him.

It's hard to be your own doctor, when the patient is crazy them self.

It doesn't have to end in a shakespearean way. For that has been done many times over. Its boring in a mind setting way. Final Act!
Courage must prevail.

Your reality is what ever you feed your mind.

Sweet whisper of worn out timber.
Cover me in moss and consider me dead.
If I move a muscle bash in my head.
For hear is where the demon lie.
I want to be a mound where fresh flowers grow abound.
Don't you see the green grass?
On rainy days it smells like gray ash.
This is where I will be found!