today i imagined depression as the dark hole to wonderland, and i imagined myself as alice. i, i am falling. to where: i don't know. why am i falling: well, i took a wrong step.
when i first fall down, i can still see the light. i can still feel happy, i can still remember how to be happy.
but as i fall deeper, i lose sight of the light above. i start to forget the things that made me happy, i lose track of the memories. i am only happy once in a while.
i fall too deep. so deep that i can no longer see the light above. ever. my eyes might as well be closed because at least then i can imagine happy things.
i feel as if i will never experience them again. this hole is never ending.
but there is a wonderland. it is below me. i know that much. but what is it? what does it look like? when do i reach it?  when do i land in happiness and forget the bad things? i've been falling forever.
my theory is that you are my wonderland. you are close, i know it. but you are still so far. you still feel impossible to reach, but i know that you are my destination. you are my happiness, the thing that will me make me forget all the bad things. you are everything i want and you are everything i need.

A name can be home to many faces.
It conjures memories, feelings
and long forgotten places.
It's sad hearing yours, although I
still smile.
'Cause I was glad to have known you,
If only for awhile.

I often wonder if I am detached from myself.
Maybe I am too in-tuned to the moon.
I'm the rose that became fully bloomed under the sunlight of noon.
I took my doom and ripped into two.
I shatter my pride but ironically,
my pride told me to put it back with glue.
Who knew that I would walk in these shoes,
blood pumping through my hopeful heart and I'm singing the blues.
The way my soul moves, I swivel in and out of the grooves of the wounds that you can only see in my eyes.
I see the world like you'll see my demise; beautiful immortality saying her softest goodbyes.
When I cry, doves hear me.
I flock with the birds over the clearest water,
and it sees right through me.

Dude on the Internet  spoils the ending of a book to my friend.
That friend spoils it for me.
"I needed it out of my system,  I am sorry Jaishree. "
I spoil for the girl sits next to me in the class.
She laughs and says
"I was expecting him to die from the start."
I spoil it for my other classmate who doesn't seem to care.
"It's just a book! It will pass in a few days."
How dare you, I mentally say while slaughtering his soul
Another classmate lent me her book for the weekend.
"It's written beautifully!  The main character dies in the end."
Well thanks for that girl, I really needed to know what happens before starting the book.

Kingfisher.
There stand humble white tombs.