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You won't find me where you left me,
Huddled in the cold. No when you return you won't find me at all. I have shed the skin you once knew, like a snake I left old memories and layers where you last loved me. Where you last saw me. Like a snake you disappeared into the cool shade of stones as to not feel the wrath of our burning home. Our  home you let it burn down and become the kind of ash no phoenix  could ever rise from. Because what you left was venom.
 Nov 2014 magnoliajelly
R Saba
shy stutter of a thought
scurrying across rough rock and diving
headfirst into cold white water
so as not to be heard, unlike
the wilted sigh from pinched lips
that draws eye contact then breaks it
like waves upon those stones

syllables soft and jumping
through valleys, over jagged mountains
just to reach ears clouded
with assumptions and a failing effort
to tune it all out
skinny fingers gripping a skull
through wild, upset hair
hands coming to rest uneasily
within each other, still shaking from the strain

or maybe it's the cold that cuts edges
into my shoulders, ties the laces tighter across my back
pinching me into place as i twist inside
looking away a thousand times, and trying
but i cannot unwind, i cannot open myself
to you
 Aug 2014 magnoliajelly
17th
Try
 Aug 2014 magnoliajelly
17th
Try
try* to spend some time with others
try to act natural
try not to do anything stupid
try to be normal
try to not to do that
try to be yourself
try to smile
try not to feel bad
try to be less depressed
try to laugh at someone's jokes
try not to hide secrets
try to stop writing cheap poems in napkins
**try to get over it
 Jul 2014 magnoliajelly
lazarus
I'M SORRY THAT WHEN THE LIQUOR
STAINS MY SKIN THAT THE ONLY THING
THAT KEEPS MY HEART BEATING IS THE WAY
HIS LIPS COVERED MINE AND HIS EYES AND HIS HANDS AT MY WAIST
AND THE WAY HE SMELLED LIKE HOME
AND I'M SORRY THAT EVERY TIME THEY SAY THEY'RE PROUD
THAT I BITE MY TONGUE
WITH HIS NAME AT MY LIPS

THE TRUTH IS
I DON'T KNOW IF THE HOLD HE HAS AROUND
MY HEART WILL EVER LOOSEN

BECAUSE I WILL NEVER SEE HIS FACE AGAIN AND

YOU SHIELD YOUR EYES FROM THIS REACHING SHAME
BUT WE ALL KNOW MY SKIN AND MY FINGERS WILL NEVER
BE CLEAN FROM THE FILTH THAT HE POURED OVER ME IN WAVES

MAYBE THE TRUTH IS THAT I'M NOT READY TO LET GO
I DON'T WANT HIM GONE FROM THE INSIDE OF MY EYELIDS
AND IF HE CAME TO ME WITH ARMS FULL OF NEED

I CAN'T PROMISE I COULD RESIST
WHAT HELD ME HOSTAGE FOR SO LONG

unfinished business has a way of sneaking up and stealing your breath like the wind

YOU WANTED ME TO REGRET THESE WORDS
BUT I DON'T
THIS IS THE TRUTH OF MY TEARS
AND EVERY INCH OF MY SKIN AND


i am truly ashamed of how much i miss you

and the way you held me on that tiled floor



i'm sorry
2014.
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