dear younger me
i beg you
keep falling in love
with your heart
not your head
and please
remember that no one
ever fell in love
being cautious and afraid
remember to be
open and truthful
patient and forgiving
and above all else
be the person
you wish to
fall in love with

each heart that touches mine
is a medication
a perfect drug
a hope

but when they go
they're a dagger
dragging deep
into an already weeping wound

each love and i
like passing trains
whistling to each other
but never staying long

i've come to the conclusion
souls are ageless
eternal
we will exist in the great beyond
a different dimension
a place no living creature
has ever seen

too many people
have asked me
what's wrong
lately

how transparent am i?

and so i lie again
saying everything's fine
with a counterfeit smile
and eyes begging
for a cure
a cure to a seemingly incurable disease
a disease i like to call
loneliness

i don't know
how to respond
to what's wrong
when everything
seems like the
truest yet
most painful
answer

when will you realize
complimenting her beauty
doesn’t lessen yours

i know you tried to commit suicide last year
we all knew
and i was there for you
actually
i was the only one there for you
we all went through things last year
and our conversations were like medicine to me
i know they helped you too
but it's not the same this year
i wish i knew why
suddenly you don't sit by me in classes
you ditch me for your boyfriend more than usual
and your new friend
your new "best friend" to be exact
the girl neither of us liked
and the girl who goes through her "best friends"
quicker than anything else
and she'll drop you too
i know she will
i think you know deep down too

you don't text or call
or even send streaks most nights
i'm sorry if i did something wrong
i really am
and i'd probably be really happy again
if you'd simply forgive me
but in all honesty
i know it wasn't my fault
and i wish it was
at least if it was my fault
there would be a possibility
that everything would go back to normal

but it can't
it never will
and i'm sorry that i'm not willing to let it
but if i was to let it
that would mean i'd be willing to get hurt again
and i'm not ready for that

i just wanted to let you know that
i know you and you boyfriend are having problems
i know you don't deserve that
but i also know that i don't deserve to hear it from him
instead of from the girl i was calling my best friend days ago
and no matter what
i just want you to know
that no matter what happens
i'll be there for you
and no
i'm not saying it will be like the good old days
because it won't
and i would never lie to you

i'm still coming to terms with the fact
that it will never be the same as it once was
but the difference between you and i
is that while you're busy breaking me
i'll be ready to pick up the pieces
next time you feel as worthless
as i do right now