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 Nov 2014 Luisa bernabó
Lindsey
Like a butterfly going back to its cocoon
shedding its intricate wings
and wrapping itself in darkness
waiting for the change to be complete
back to the familiar nothingness
that has become so familiar
it feels like home
 Nov 2014 Luisa bernabó
Steph
anger is not sadness, and sadness cannot bring you back.
 Nov 2014 Luisa bernabó
wilting
you have cotton candy thighs
that dissolve on his tongue
and lips that taste like
lemonade on a 90 degree
day
and you’re light brown hair
blowing over your shoulder
from a cool breeze that
touches your tongue and
tangles through your open
mouth because you’re
laughing and you’re a white
t-shirt and yellow flowers
pushing up against the grass
and rain after weeks of an
empty sky and everyone
wants to drink you up and
they melt under your fingertips
you are paint stained hands
and peppermint tea
and strawberry ice cream
and then you meet this guy
and you let him touch you
and he sets you on fire
and suddenly you’re a girl
who likes the heat and
won’t run when a room is
full of smoke and you’re
coughing up ashes
and you think you’re brave
but you’re just dark and hard
and cold and empty
and you’ve got a heart that
can’t love anything but fire
and boys who play with lighters
The first time I found myself
suddenly, unexpectedly
in possession of a chance in Hell
to make love
with a beautiful girl,
I wrecked it.

Botched completely.

The mood was all wrong,
in my mom's empty apartment
on a pullout sofa.
No music.
Nothing worth drinking.
What was I thinking?

The girl was perfect,
and she moved like my dreams.
But
I was clumsy.
I'd had no practice.
Prophylaxis was a parlour game.
Impossible.
I came a half-dozen times.
Pearlescent rivulets flew everywhere.
But never when I wanted,
nor where, nor how.

We still talk,
years later,
but not about this.
She has her own children now.
I have my own children now.

But if ever I find myself divorced,
*******, I'd like a second chance
to strum the night sky
with the notes of her ecstasy
for the first time.
I am the Saturday evenings and the Sunday morning hangovers.
I am loud laughs with friends on the weekends and silent numbness alone on the weekdays.
I am jealousy on a friday night, when my friends would rather spend time with each other than with me, and I am forgiveness and understanding the day after, realizing I don't blame them, I wouldn't want to hang out with myself either.
I am a heap of heaving sobs and aching limbs every night.
I am self-hatred every hour of every day.
I am fear, I am sadness, I am desperation, I am a mess.
I am my worst enemy and my best friend all at once and I am still trying to figure myself out.
I miss how it felt to hold
my life in my lips
How when lit, you instantly became
a passing ship
I miss the power I felt
Breathing in death
Knowing my cards weren't dealt
Not yet
It curled softly through my teeth
And into my lungs
It didn't hurt
Why didn't it hurt
Maybe I just liked how it burnt
 Oct 2014 Luisa bernabó
Rj
Untitled
 Oct 2014 Luisa bernabó
Rj
I want to start being light and happy again
I want to lay in the sun at lunch
I want to laugh and make jokes
I'm going to be happy
Not beautifully written but true
 Oct 2014 Luisa bernabó
Rj
I don't want my parents
Ruining anything anymore
From now on
Everything is a secret
Just wait till I can drive
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