I feel trapped and,
It's not yearning anymore.
Because a little bit of yearning is at least healthy.
It's just the hours,
That we have to face.
Before and after.
The ones that require effort.

And the songs that just break your heart.
My god who knew that he first three chords,
Could bring you back two years.
And completely rip out your insides.
I'm trying to force myself not to press play.

But oh my god,
To feel something passionate once again,
Even if it's sadness.
I feel free for a second.
But then I have the hours after to face,
Trapped.

I sit here, brood
a twisted mood
think how
to forward move
how to undo
a tricky tightrope wobble
people pulling me
I cannot walk straight
need time to deflate
lose these traps
want to break free
of the need
want to find me
really love me
please go away
you cannot touch me
cannot know me
or go with me
cannot show me
anything I need
from you
I am the juice
the fire
the truth
the liar
you are reflecting
back to me
places I do not desire
I am feeling
dismayed
afraid
of the price
I've paid
now is the breakaway
the reckoning day
no plane
no train
no half insane
free to go
free to assail
derail myself
from you
far and
gone.

Cola and Crown
Cola and Crown
Burns coming up
But, smooth going down

Cola and Crown
Cola and Crown
Burns coming up
But, smooth gong down

Sitting at the tavern
Needed courage
Drank four shots
Downed them in six seconds
Now, I didn't feel so hot

Stumbled to the dance floor
Room was spinning
So was I
Four shots in just six seconds
Felt like I was gonna die

Waitress pushed on by me
Saw that I had paid my dues
Four shots in just six seconds
I threw up on her new shoes

Cola and Crown
Cola and Crown
Burns coming up
But, smooth going down

Cola and Crown
Cola and Crown
Burns coming up
But, smooth gong down

She screamed and i just wobbled
Then she socked me with her tray
She gave me four shots in six seconds
Now, on the floor I lay

From now on when I'm drinking
I'm drinking beer, no matter what
I've got two black eyes to show me
Four in six ain't that hot

You can't go back
it won't be the same
not because it's changed
but because you have.

Zoe was always a nymphic
creature
              God gifted prodigy  
When she was three
she already knew that
                                       above her ecliptics
                         jade eyes were shaped
  as a gift to see within her strange
Zephyr's soul
                  there were      
worlds unreachable
to mortals
                      indulging

unconscious dance moves
           she was performing
     a play  
finding her way through
piercing sounds of animality and natural wilderness

                            solely within her mind's eyes

           then    shut
deliberately
just to prove to the thick jungle
          to highly flowering sunflowers
that her head locomotions are fully perceptive

      her tiny hands touched the ground
glistening streams of her hair had been long(ing) to touch
her tiny bare heels in pace with every
bonvivant
little step forth
                     she had been taken
                                   O, Zoe you knew at three
                              
  That Zenith is the chosen point
                                           to open up
                                                     top portals
                                                                ­of deepest insight

                                                       Zoe - there is a moving star
                                                                ­      lit to praise
                                                        returning to innoccence
                                 Olympic 
            ­          sensible
               smiling
sweetheart

         intuitive little one

You could hear cracks and tremblings of every limb to limb
                                                   clashed
with dark humid soil and stones and crumbs on every ant trail
every black beetle's step there every futuristic peregreen wizzy wings
  
    Zing(ed)

"I want to see it."*
No.
It's ugly and it's a burdensome
and it shows weakness.
"Love, it's just a scar."
No.
It's unprepossessing and it's crooked
and it shows weakness.
"It doesn't. It shows strength."
...Yes.
It's healed and it's powerful
and it shows strength.

taking a long drag
i lay back comfortably
exhaling
i watch the smoke rise
up
   up
     up
and dissipate
somewhere around the ceiling fan
but before the smoke alarm


it's nice being in cahoots with the universe