breathe.
because you know what you
do when someone ***** you
over? you calmly take your
heart out of their hands
and leave. you think maybe
you'll sew it back on to
your sleeve but not now, not
today. you put their things
in a box (their cds, their
shirts, their books, their
notes, the little things you
picked up on your dates)
and you put it on the
highest shelf in your
closet, because someday
you will want to remember
them, maybe. if you don't
want to remember them, you
give them the box, you
donate the box, you throw
the box in the river. and
you breathe. because you
deserve better. you deserve
someone who doesn't consider
you a fallback, a plan b.
you will be someone's plan.
you will be the only plan.
you will be my-god-what-
was-i-doing-before-you-
walked-around-that-
corner. remember that
you are enough.
breathe.

People seem to think
That I spend most of my time
Alone
But that isn't quite true
I have a constant companion
In the form of crippling self doubt
In guilt, anxiety, and a hollow resignation

People seem to think
That I spend most of my time
Alone
If only that were the case.

I'm not the daughter that I should be
But maybe that's okay
You're the strongest person I know
So much stronger than me
I think maybe you can handle a little more
Disappointment

You deserve so much better
Than you received
I wish I could give you the moon
But if I tried
I'd probably get lost among the stars
I'm sorry

Sometimes I feel like maybe
Somewhere along the way
Something went wrong

Like maybe I got damaged
In a way that
If I were a commodity
Sold at a department store
They would be compelled
To lower my price
Because I am no longer
In good condition

Most days this causes apprehension
But sometimes I remember
That there are people out there
Who would be happy to find
That blender they always wanted
Or a sweater in their favorite color
At a good discount
Even if the plastic was slightly chipped
Or the sleeve had a loose thread
Maybe this is the wrong way
To think about things
But for now it's all I've got

When did you first say "I love you"?
Don't worry, I won't care, I'm just
wondering...who first saw you bare?
Did you ever used to play with her hair
like you play with mine, did she
ever look at you, like I do, and just
think "He Shines" like nothing else matters.
Did your hearts patter as you physically
joined.
I won't be mad, I know you've had others, so
have I, it won't make me sad, but
I'm curious,
when did you first say "I love you"?

And did she ever brand your skin, were
you ever just a bit too rough, did you
accidentally wriggle within and make her feel
like she wasn't enough?
We've made mistakes, in the past, so
tell me quick, tell me fast, I hope we'll last,
but what made your past ones
imperfect?
and when did you first say "I love you"?

Because it's the quirks which make the mirth,
did you ever make her laugh, did you force
her lips to part when she told you to leave her.
How much did you grieve her? Do you still
do? And when you watched her leave, when
she watched you plead, did you mentally
whisper "I love you."

And when did you first mean, when did you first say,
"I love you"?

you told me once
that sleep deprivation
is the equivalent of
seven shots of whisky.

so i drank your words
on tuesday afternoon
and slammed down
seven shots of whisky
on wednesday night
and watched the sunrise
on thursday morning.

the whisky wore off long ago
but i am still here hoping that
if i stay awake long enough
i will stop dreaming
of you.

Everyday you ask why I love you
You say
"Why do you you love me when I put you through Hell.
When I push you into your shell,
And I never give you a straight answer.
You say " Why do you love me when I can't love you back,
And when I have all these mood swings."
Well this is what I say.
I love you because you are like my Asthma.
I didn't chose to have you here with me all the time, but you are.
You are here to make my life harder,
But you also make me stronger.
When the voggy winds blow
And it gets hard to breathe
It is you falling.
Yet I pick that Inhaler of mine up
And I take two deep breaths,
and I lift you back up.
As my breaths become clearer.
I know that I will never be able to breathe as well as others.
Just as I know I will never fall out of love for you.
You are the chronic lung disease that forces me to try harder.
The person that makes me try my hardest when I'm singing up on that stage.
You motivate me.
It is you that is always on my mind
When I have to try hard to take breathes instead of just breathing.
When I am running and my lungs start to choke me, it is the pain I feel every time I see you with him instead of me.
Because Love
You are my lung disease.
You are the funny noise my breath makes when I dance,
Because the Oxygen doesn't want to go in.
And when you touch me I feel the buzzing sensation that I get when taking my albuterol.
The warmth of my Nebulizer as it vaporizes the medicine for me to breathe.
Every kiss you plant on my head, fills me with the dizziness that I get from my medication
When I try to stand up, I end up falling just as hard as I have for you.
You are the relief I feel when I take my
Meds on a bad day, you make me feel normal again.
That's why I love you.
That is why I don't care if you're with him instead of me.
Because you will always be with me.
Just like my lung disease.