I became everything
You weren’t for me.
You left the door open
Sure that the next would close it
On their way in,
But it took years
For me to grow tall enough
To reach the handle my **** self.
I opened it again
Years later
To walk out
Something I can be proud of.
I spent time in the dark
Afraid of the storms within
Wondering when you’d return.
But the day I realized you wouldn’t
Was the day
I became
A woman myself.
A proud, **** woman.

She has brown eyes.
Amber and tired.
Flecked with gold
And cautious ambition.
They pass over you a moment,
Before getting lost once again
In her own shrouded world.
You hold that gaze
After it has since long past
Wondering what she thought,
What she saw,
If anything.
Are you to her a muse,
A distraction of the mundane?
Or simply backdrop,
Immersed within the bustling
Yet uninspiring scene?
She has brown eyes,
And she sees right through you.
But can you see into hers?
As you ponder about,
You catch her eyes,
Gleaming yet dilute
Within the sunlight,
Caught just right
Within the honey rays.
And that’s when you notice,
That her eyes are also green.

I always swam
In the Atlantic
As a kid
But never crossed it
Until now
And now that I am
How I long
To have only
Touched the surface
Instead of cross it
Because you are not
Waiting for me
On the other side

It's 3:45
Or 20:45 your time
Or 21:45
The last place I was
And it's crazy
Each mile
That comes between us
Makes my heart
Grow that much heavier
And all I can think of
Is crawling in
To your awaiting arms
And how you hold me
So dearly
So tightly
Just the way
I need to be held.
Your gaze
And how it feels
Like it holds me
Completely transfixed
In your eyes.
Home is currently
1725 mi away
And I am terribly
Homesick
For you.

I came home to the apartment today,
and was frustrated at everything being so still.
I wasn't used to everything
being exactly where I had left it,
No change having occurred in my absence.
And that was so frustrating,
as it reiterated the fact
that you were no longer here,
but somewhere else,
far away, at least,
far away enough
to where your life circle
did not intermingle in mine,
thus creating my life
to be still and silent.
We hadn't been still
since the moment
we first walked through that door
with only the cat and a box of clothes,
and how warm and exciting that was
for the both of us.
We didn't stop moving,
not until now,
with everything so quiet,
so still, you'd think our
apartment was a museum.

I'm actually not okay,
and I don't know how to tell you that
without you worrying,
because I don't want to cause you stress,
but I'm sinking.
And I don't know if you
can rescue me from
my own waters.

So I sit here
drowning in my own silence
while you pass around the plates
with your family
and I'm in this ******* empty room
and I hate the color of these walls
that suffocate me
until I'm gone.

I'm not okay,
and I don't know how
to tell you.

So I try to preoccupy my mind
with memory of
the cat and the box of clothes..

We sat there
in the lukewarm green water
all sense of time stopping
in its tracks.
In the murky emerald depths,
you couldn't see where I stopped
and you began.
Our limbs mimicked
knotted tree logs
in a still lagoon.
And all was silent.
There were no rushing waters
no waves wooshing past
not a single drop stirred.
All was still.
And in that moment
with you and I
entangled in one another
in an earthy warm bath,
I found my serenity,
my zen,
in you.

And in a  quiet, half-lit room,
alit by both the sun and moon,
I let your image in my mind,
take over almost all my time.

And there, my mind, preoccupied,
will not stray with matters outside,
I'll think sweetly of your soft lips,
and how I wish to taste each kiss.


And when the moon succeeds the sun,
and the time for dreams has begun,
I'll lay in my cold, empty bed,
Wishing you close, alone instead.