I want someone to comfort me.
But i want to drive people away.
I want someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be fine.
But I hate it when someone does it to me.
I always said to myself,"pull your **** together ****"
I end up opening my own scars.
Its me,its my fault.
I ruin everything.
Everything fragile,I broke.
Never again will it be the same.
I hate myself for craving for the attention not necessary.
Also,i hate myself for never being good enough.
I know i don't have to be.
But things are easier said than done.
Its always been me who gets to give the last part of my heart.
But never gets to taste what it is to be truly happy.
People are so loved.
I stand isolated in that very corner.
Looking at that very moment.
Seeing the spark,
the light
the ignited passion to love someone.
Who come?
I look everywhere to find my happiness
But I know it isn't anywhere
Its within me.
Somewhere waiting to be triggered.
What if no one comes?
No one ignites me.
Will I ever?
I'm too tired to do anything.
I want to disappear.
No one won't notice.
I know I am loved.
I forget.
I get the feeling that I ruin stuff so precious
I'm not and never will be good enough.

She takes the day with a smile.
She gives everyone a part of her heart.
Making the broken bridges to a wild zipline ride,
somewhere over the horizon.
She does that to them.
But to her it seems to take forever.
To reach the horizon that everyone was longing.
She stands there looking.
Dreaming what it was like to be in paradise.

these cold nights,I was with you.
these cold nights,I spent my time talking to you.
these cold nights,you were here.
tell me,you'll come back.
tell me you feel the same way.
I'll be waiting for you if you ever come back.
still,even in these cold nights,i still miss you.
during these cold nights i wish to spend them with you.
during these cold nights,i wish you'd be here.
I wish you'd tell me you'll come back.
And i wish you'd tell me you felt the same way all along.
If not,then you remain my unfaded memory that still burns in the back of my mind.

I am no where to be found
I do not nor will ever make a sound
Funny how the sun dies everynight for the moon
How I wish i would find someone like that soon
I am not so much of deep words
Just a little risky like the birds
Oh how they fly way up high
To the moon,yes beyond the sky
I wake up to this everyday
Remembering the month of May
Yes I get this
I am delusional in love
Hoping,one day--
Someday---
This day--
I could find my way.

I'm so good at driving people away.
And when I do,they never come back.
They don't know all I wanted was,
To see them never get tired of me and stick around
But that's not life.
It isn't a factory of wishes.
I see them drift away from my hands,
As I push them away,they go.
They find the better life without me.
I pull them again,but it won't be the same
I give myself so much pain.
That they don't ever recognize.
They're so occupied with their own life,
They forget me.
I become a ghost.
A ghost,that hunts thyself.
I shout,one barely listens.
I cry,one barely sees
I turn the tables,and I catch everyones attention.
They blame me,for turning the tables and ruining everything.
But all I ever wanted,was someone to tell me,that they love me.
And they are never going to leave me.
It sounds so unfamiliar,
To them.
The happiest face around,
Is the most torn soul.
Living ghost.
I can walk past you,without you noticing a tear in my eye.
I can look you straight in the eye,without you noticing,
The sleepless night I had.
I am a tortured soul waiting for justice.
I am the unfamiliar voice,no one will ever hear.

i drift away from the world,
just when i listen to the song.
my heart breaks
for the reason that it tells me.

they tell me words,I cannot bear to hear
with the deafening silence surrounding me and you.
heartbreaking souls come towards me
slowly--then all of at once swiftly lifts me high

It wraps within me,
like the sky blue and gray
i could never forget,
the way you looked at me.

So serene,and full of hope
i guess that's why i jumped with you too.
But then again,here i am.
Slowly,fading to every word.

Every word spoken by the unknown soul
i,anywhere cannot find.
it kills me everytime
so hard,trying to find the words unspoken.

who said that only words spoken can ****?

No one ever asked if I was okay.
And now I've catched everyones attention.
They're now asking me what's the problem.
THIS IS *******.

As I frustratedly write this poem
I cannot find the right words to rhyme
All I'm asking is,who am I?
I do not mean to ask you that really
But its a question for myself
I could not clearly see what I'm here for
I sometimes barely stand on my own
For I shed a tear last night
On my pillow who I hugged tight
I'm lost in these valleys and plains
I run towards the hills,
Climb the impossible mountain
Swim the impossible sea
Reach for the stars
Very very far as I can see.
I lie down on my bed tonight
Slowly flashing every memory.
Oh so vivid!
Everytime it crosses my line
I draw it shorter in time
And find myself
Having the beginning and the end
At the same time.
How wrong of me to shorten my own race
I could not see my end nor my beginning
I stand infront slowly taking in every moment of a second
Minute by the clock
Blood running through my own vivid veins
Tears holding back
Fear tucked inside
And the clock yells GO!
And i run and run and run
Never to be seen again.

For I want all things beautiful
Full of love and wonder
I cannot bear the pain it brings me
But I've found out that there's something called the beatiful sorrow

Somehow a soul had become close to me,
For I see the love she has for thee
I honestly have nothing against it,
But maybe the timing and the life itself has.

I wonder why is it wrong to love some,
Is it because of the sacrifices it demands?
Or its just people.
And their selfish and closed minds.

I am really bewildered by the love you can bring
You know,I never really understood why.
But,then you came to one life
Changed everything all of a sudden

You brought the unexpected
You brought the butterflies
You brought the storm
That,I too would've bathe in

Don't worry,everything soon will be okay
I don't know how
But maybe,eventually,it will be
Love will be finding the way to that.

So my dear,I wouldn't want you hurt
I know it does,Because it pains to see me you
Beaten and stabbed,
By the knife you never held.

Life was a walking disaster he ******* everything up even with the slightest touch.
And here was love, she was innocent, fragile and genuine.
They walked the same path but with different worlds.
But even the most different people had the slightest thing in common and it was ending up all alone.
Life met people, he grew attached to them and ended up wounding each one.
There came hate, anger, fury and more.
He took something.He did something.That was him. Unconsciously selfish.
He did try to give them back but then, it was never enough, it was never the same.
But here was love,she did everything to keep those people by her side.
Giving them everything she had,
Leaving a piece of her with them.
She shared, she did.
But then even if it was everything,It can't be enough
She thought, "would I ever be enough?"
Those two people sat down the same bench thinking why they ever always ended up all alone.
So when life saw love, she was sobbing and he thought,
she was the most genuine thing he ever saw.
Right there he again thought, there seemed to be a force that made him look at her differently.
She was beautiful,truly marvelous.
She had golden hair and white porcelain skin.
Cheeks that glowed and eyes that weeped beautifully.
He got the courage to talk to her.
"Hello"
"Oh, hello."
"What are you crying about and all alone?"
Love was hesitant to answer but then again she did.
"It seemed to be that I am never enough for anybody even if I did give everything I had."
"Oh..."
"Why?"
"Well, I've had the same problem but a little more different than yours."
"How is that?"
"Well, I'm selfish.I do not want to hurt those people intentionally but I do end up hurting them and I end up being all alone."
A week has passed since they met.
A month,
A year...
"Love?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you believe that things happen for a reason?"
"Yes I do."
"I think we met for a reason.And this reason is whatever I do is when you're here it makes everything beautiful and worthwhile.I love you my darling and to me you are enough."

Cuddle me with your warm embrace
And out of the blue,tell me you love me.
Ignite me with your hopeful eyes,
Let me explode like the fireworks--oh so wonderful and beautiful
I never thought the feeling would linger
And wrap on me like the hands willing to hold on to forever.

She wanted a quiet life,one without the pain of unrequited love.
She was emotionless and still walking on the fragile glass.
She was life's product.Lady of courage and faith.
She was hurt and wounded by the broken piece of glass of love.

She almost swore to forget this love,forget everything it made her feel.
The spark,pleasure,happiness,sadness and pain.
She went on with her life.
Until one time,she found a teddy bear.

It had no owner,it was just sitting there and looking alive.
She kept the teddy bear close to her heart.
Everyday,it made her happy.
She even talked to it.She just feels too comforted by its presence.

One rainy morning,she was standing outside,lost in thought.
She couldn't make up what was happening.
Why would a teddy bear make her that comforted and secured?
She asked herself not leaving her eyes on the sky.

Then suddenly the wind blew her hair,
How cold the day was.
How gloomy were the skies.
She felt uneasy.

Suddenly, someone took her in.
This told her "come here"
She was in awe,when she saw those warm eyes
She recognized those warm arms around her.

She could not put into words on what she felt.
She knew who it was.
Her heart felt happy
She felt secured once again.

They just stood there,
Close to each other.
Not saying a word.
That time,silence was the ultimate comfort the two of them had.

No matter how we try not to cry,
The more we resist,the more it urges to happen.
Someone said,"Death is not a time for sadness,pain and mourning,rather it is a time for celebrating that our loved one,is with the Father.Our redeemer."
Well,that's some point well made.
But why are we even afraid of dying?
Is it because of the pain we might encounter?
Is it because of how much it'll cost us if we die without doing good deeds?
Or is it because we're afraid to be forgotten?
I am,afraid of death,simply because I am not ready for it.
I see this future ahead of me.
The daydream that i'll be able to fulfill one day.
Thus,I am told to believe that I live for a purpose.
Maybe this is,my purpose.
I am destined to live,to discover how to tame life.
I am destined to cry,love and be happy.
I am destined to enjoy the ride of this rollercoaster life.
I am destined to love my enemies,love the broken,love the most sorrows of life and embrace the life offered to us for a limited time on this land of misadventures and discoveries.

those were the thought brought to me by Him

I realized something,life is given to us to live,to discover,to prosper to whatever we discover within this puzzle.
If ever we die tomorrow,we know deep in our hearts we've done something right.Right for us.
We die in eternity.
Safely in His arms
With no regrets and no pain.

The world is vast.Maybe too vast.
He went there,she went here.
I couldn't tell where each one was going.
I wasn't sure of the spark that ignited their eyes.
I wasn't sure where it came from,
And how it happened.
It just suddenly did.
You held me in your hands like you meant something
I got trapped,and was casted with the unbreakable spell.
And that was to ever fall in love
You looked oh so ever charming from afar.
Standing and even doing nothing.
Catching my eye every **** time.
I couldn't help but take a peek in the most casual way I can.
It isn't anything special for you maybe,
But it means the world to me.
But then again,I wake up to the reality
That it isn't me.

I climb the tree way up the sky
I see everything way way below
I feel the wind against my skin
The feeling was very full of serenity
As the memories slowly but vividly flash before my eyes
Oh how will I sleep later tonight?
I beg them to stop
But it won't
I sit still,Awaiting for the silence that never came.
Then I see myself standing on the other side of the field.
So I slowly creep to it and chase it.
But I can't.Everytime I get near it,
It shifts to another place.
Oh why do you play these illusions?
I'm out of my boundaries,
I'm loosing my mind
Let me rest please.
I want to feel the serenity of my life again
Please bring it back to me.
I'm begging you.
Please.