Yes I am clingy,
But you will never find someone
There for you like I will be.

Yes I am needy,
But when you need reassurance
I’ll be full of soothing words.

Yes I am jealous,
But you will never find someone
More loyal than me.

Yes I am possessive,
But you will never find someone
That values you like I do.

Yes I have flaws, I am human. Please don’t fault me for loving the way I do.

"A 5."

I'm a 5?
Is that really what I want
                    Don’t care about what they think you’re beautiful
Wow. I thought at least a 6 or a 7
But a 5?
                     You are perfect. Their opinion doesn’t define you.
I should do it again.
                     No. Please. You know how bad for you that is.
I’m going to do it.
I have been gaining recently.
What’s it going to hurt?
                      Me and you. Please don’t
…..
         …..
I feel better now.
                      I wish you would listen to me.
He said I look good.
He said I’ve gotten skinny.
He said I’m better now.
                      Don’t do this love, please.
She said I look good.
She said I’ve gotten skinny.
She asked me how i’m better now.
                     You are more than enough to me,
                                             You have always been and will always be.
This is working well i’m happy again
Can’t you see i’m now a 10?
                     Oh lovely daughter you are so much more than
                                             words can tell you
                     One day someone will love you just like this, like
                                             I do.
I’ll keep going it’s doing nothing wrong.
                     I know you can’t yet see
                     But the pain you are feeling is just hiding
                                             underneath
…..
                     Please.
He said I look unhealthy.
He said i’ve gotten ugly.
He told me i’m a 5.
                     I promise you my love you are not a rating on a
                                             scale
                    You are smart, kind, more stunning than I can
                                            explain.
She said I look unhealthy.
She said i’ve gotten ugly.
She told me i’m a 5.

cries
                   If you can hear then listen close.
           You are Lovable.
           You are Valuable
           You are Capable.
           You are Redeemable.
I don’t know.
           Love, I created the stars.
           The shining light from above that meets you in the
                                           morning.
           I created you.
          Why would you doubt me?
          The very one who created beautiful?
Society has made me fear it the most.

every boy i ever know
always calls me cute
i am not a pretty girl
i am not a beautiful girl
i am not a strong girl
i am a twig
a vulnerable stick
that easily blows away in the wind
a boy messages me
they say im hot
they want my body
not my heart
the only boy who ever called me beautiful was a boy i used to love but who never truly loved me back
a boy called me beautiful the other day
he made my night
until i realized it was the curls in my hair and the dress on my body
he made me feel good in that moment
but those feelings never last

why am i always writing about you
why did you pull me aside today
and said you needed to talk to me
you don't understand how many things ran through my head
you lifted my expectations
and then you let them fall to the ground
every time i see you
i want to tell you how much you mean to me
i want you to know what it is you make me feel
but i will never be able to explain it
you tell me to date another boy
you play with me like a toy
you ask me why don't i like him and
my heart screams and my brain aches
because all i want to do is say
it's you

Don't you love it when they say
" I love you"
" I ain't never gonna leave you"

We all know that those are lies.
Just like
"i'm fine"
Nobody is ever really fine

i just want to feel love again
i never thought id ever go back to being a hopeless romantic again
but here i am in a baggy sweatshirt curled up in blankets
with my tea in my hands and tears in my eyes
watching the fault in our stars for the 27th time
scrolling through perfect instagram feeds where you find nothing but perfect couples away on tropical adventures together and it makes you believe that is real life
endless hallmark movies giving you the intense hope that you will meet the man of your dreams in a coffee shop during Christmas time
why these are all illusions that play with our emotions
making us crave such unrealistic ideals
and yet we still psych ourselves up to believe in a dream world