Not again

The world is collapsing around me

I can’t breathe

Please not again

Why?

Is it because the sun is shining too bright?

Deep Breathe in

Deep Breathe out

Rocking too and fro

My boat is about to capsize

Please, Please, please

1,2,3….

**** **** ****.

I am suffocating and the world is going without me

Circles, Circling my forefinger over my thumb

Over and Over again

I can’t hold back the tears

What is wrong?

What is bothering me?

I don’t know, I don’t ******* know

How I know the world to be okay and

Feel like it is falling apart

Another wave comes crashing down

my body is not my own

The anxiety has taken over

I am merely a host for this parasite

I beg for it to go but it only wants to play

What do I have to be anxious about?

NOTHING!!

Nothing at all

That is not how this relationship works

It comes as it please and I can do it ride it out

No rhyme or reason

No explanation

I just ride out the wave

Hoping I don’t drown

This. THIS.

******* this

Is what anxiety looks like

The moon whispered softly,
"Let me taste the sweet honey of your lips
as my beams follow the curves of your body
like a river running through the mountains.
Your gentle moans,
a chorus of angels singing on high.
O gentle lover,
let my light pour itself upon your skin.
Filling your soul.
Filling your heart.
Over and over
like the roaring waves of the ocean
until you collapse in ecstasy"

The words boil up my throat,
But my lips hold them in tight.
My brain has conceded,
It is not worth the fight.
Salty tears fill my eyes,
As I hold back the pain.
I am filled with rage,
But my anger I must contain.
Some things deep in my heart,
Are just better left unsaid.
Despite how I feel,
I am going to bed.