you know,
its in my nature to indulge within my sacral.
-
i can make energy exchange creative enough to bring new life,
i can even switch it up,
channel the 'best night of your life’.
-
through just one mood,
or flow of thought,
i possess within my source
abilities to have you rise
or have you fall,
to have you bowing at my feet at just one call.
-
but instead of f-cking with your head
or putting you to bed,
i use this energy as leverage.
keep a build up
& a back-up.
while you seek ‘*******’ bout the money,
the feminine just got her stack up,
its a come-up,
one you feel deep in your core though.
don’t knock at doors
if you’re not ready to explore though.

if you'd ask,
i'd tell you darkness is my preference.
-
though,
gory meets glory
and glow,
you should know
that i am dark and in part,
i am light.

it feels so good to take it slow,
to take a breath & let things go.
releasing stress,
& tension too.
no matter what you’re going through
just take it slow,
one step,
one day.
despite the challenges you face,
don’t over think or complicate.
just take it slow,
this is the way.

so confident in your incompetence.
embodying the most flawed,
inconsistent
form of existence
& you wear it so well like a second spine only fitting for you.
you are a perfect balance of
unyielding strength
& undefined weakness,
a mixture of beauty derived straight from the avengeful cosmos
& the
ugliness that settles the depth of the abyss.
you are clumsy &
you make a mess of everything you come in contact with
still
you are genuine in all of your oddness.
you make it clear that perfection is illusive,
holding your crown of thornes so proudly
that you make it easier to live.

mind games played by the hands of self
teach me how
i am my own boulder caught still in my own way.

spiral violent,
embrace anomaly
then you're halfway there.
what's a preference when barely anything exists?

like,
your energy mixed with mine
was fine..
two beings,
divine and
connected at the source.
but of course,
its just an action,
or
a physical attraction,
right?
-
he's a god and im a goddess,
we make magic.
still he sees only the half,
although that's tragic.
i get it..
i won't seek praise,
i won't seek credit
but what i also won't do
is exchange with you..
while you explore the third dimension,
hindering ascension,
im focused on prevention,
a plan and
control.
ill play my role,
ill stay behind,
ill be the one here to remind you
"be careful what you seek and where sleep.
be careful who you give access to the power that you hold,
be careful not to let a misconception taint your soul."

just yesterday i saw myself as shadow,
like i thought id never see up close;
too busy running from ghost
like spirit guides ain't qualified enough to lead me nowhere.
-
like to realize that i am nothing
& to nothing i must return
was washed clean from every story ever written…
are you asleep?
-
3 hours of rest is like reset these days.
as i arise i watch the blessings pervade my space
& lift my chin to keep my head high
& way above the thought of what to do.
-
what do i do with my hands or my heart?
what do i do with these emotional cycles of digging deep,
in search of truth that show me love
& show me why my feelings take me
into deep, dark acts of energy exchange.

two minute series speaking volume,
sharing hints when i am cynical.
yours words always seem viable,
they take control of my mental.
you know she knows
that’s why you’re quick to question loyalty.
you know she knows that you’re not fit to prove your loyalty.
i am the catch
& if you disagree
you’re dismissed
you see,
i **** egos,
make them none to exist.

there lies much power in the written word,
i wish not to inflict harm...
-
but if you dare test
my humanly conditioned
state of existence;
i may write you off
then dispose of your corpse
down below to the land of the dead
amongst the ones who are
mislead,
into the state in which you feared...
-
please never drive me to that point of no return.

ive tried to silence the violence by confiding in figures
and shadows that cared only for what made little to no common-sense at all.
ive tried to salvage my balance by breathing in and out,
choosing different routes,
using words of mouth &
switching paces,
running far away from faces that were all too familiar.
my family ties are all deeply rooted in the lies of who i swore to be &
its the sickest of humor how who i swore to be is nowhere close to who i am.
-

silly little girl,
thinking that someone could love you.
beyond all the slightly faded scars and battles that you went through.
silly little broken girl,
thinking someone will ever care.
they all just see a broken piece with loneliness so clear.
silly little broken girl.
just run away,
maybe you’ll find someone to love,
somewhere, someday.
don’t you stay,
they’ll never hear the things you say.
they’ll just trample you,
push you aside,
say that you’re not good enough.
they’ll say that you were fun to try,
maybe next time you’ll have better luck.

as my old wounds are healing,
new wounds have opened up.
& i cannot help but feeling
like i am out of luck.
-
i am falling in the daze of skinny luv.

i am from the place of the stars and the moon.
where planets,
they bloom like a flower.
i am far away,
still i feel so at home.
awaiting a count down to my final hour.
i won’t be here,
in a light year.
but ill leave a memory,
oh so faint.
you’ll see sparks of certain memories that you may have never seen.
questioning reality
or a lucid dream.

awake but unaware,
so asleep.
a mattress made of fear
and the sheets
protect you from the chills
of the truth as high as hills
and mountain peaks.
-
eyes open,
but you are looking
so blind.
look inward
you will see
and you will find
visuals of heart and soul,
spirit guided,
being whole,
and a certain form of peace
within your mind.

you cant hide her from the world forever...
-
some day,
she’ll wonder.
some days she'll wander.
some days she'll go out on her own to find out.
some days she'll want to see what life is all about,
and not just words from mouth...
-
don't hide the world from her...
-
show her what’s there,
as deep as she desires.
show her what's fair,
and what may be required.
show her right now so that she can inner-stand
more of who she is,
and more of what is planned.
-

it felt so good to feel nothing at all.
it felt so good to be alone,
in a world of my own.
im never searching for an answer,
yet always chasing my frustration.
& although i move a bit too fast,
i always find myself coming back..
to myself.
sometimes im running,
sometimes im too caught up to move an inch.
today im cashing in bad luck and pleading for a clean slate and
tonight ill be moving full-speed,
hunting fear under the moonlight.

who knows what tomorrow holds..

non-existent stillness,
making a mess of my psyche.
playlist of memories on shuffle
but i think my shuffle button is broken.
losing hope like a needle on carpet,
trying to hold on before it drop it.
trying to stay sane and in the moment.
am i really back to being sober?

sometimes im here,
sometimes im listening,
sometimes im hearty,
sometimes heart-broken
by the hands of myself.
-
sometimes i take the blame,
most times i place it elsewhere.
sometimes i channel fear &
destructive energies
then level up.

since forever doesn’t last,
just love me til whenever.
when the physical has passed
let our souls dance together.

strong connection
to whats destined;
bring the drama,
lose connection.
lose direction
when you feed too much perceptions.
desolation is the new tie,
addressing what you deny.
true colors start to show,
but did they ever really go?
regardless if you saw,
you knew.
we moved too fast so
we outgrew
the spark that brought us to ignition;
that gave us all we needed,
a free trial
and permission.
& its not that it wasn't meant to be
but most of us are blind to what we say and we want to see...

slaughter-house meals,
fear on a plate.
gun-shot wounded,
steroid stiffened;
disgrace.
mass-******,
mass-production,
mass-infection­;
mistake.

What's time and distance but a measurement,
measuring moments that never last but can stick with you forever.
A simple range of reference,
how you take the moments in life is your preference.
The pleasures in life don't lie in things, but the events.
The 'present' moment is a gift,
all that matters is right here.
Tomorrow isn't promised though it seems to be so near.
Fear of losing beautiful moments so present
I get lost in the evidence of those events.
Fear of losing, an illusion.
Understanding, the solution.
Everything has a shelf life
It all comes to end
But, the pain of losing it' s all worth it in the end
No regrets, no cursing, no lamenting
Every ending is a perfect ending..
the end.

caught in a downward spiral
and no one speaks my language
like Malcolm in the middle of words
and phrases,
verbs and statements,
punctuation placement
and labels deriving from one selfish impulse of thought.
forget the words,
just feel the message
we are lost.
so when the universe speaks
we never understand
we put our faith in methods that are derived from man.
we miss the call,
we miss the vision,
not connected.
nobody’s focused anymore
so **** the message.

a plethora of words;
lacking meaning
& arrowed at no one.
a flood of lost souls
& weary spirits
hoping for closure
after life spans
& light years of darkness.

paradigm shifts call for low rhythms & stillness,
wisdom calls with words of innocence
as love demands your great return.
all hail the very nature of being.
-
who are you still when separate worlds become one?
who are you when dark & light show will to collide?
who are you in the face of the eye that sees beyond what's man-made
still certain,
yet flexible.
-
i will speak where my spirit leads.
my mouth will open only when i am spoken to...
or spoken through.

spilled emotions with depth of ocean,
like no notion is good enough...
no longer careful of how she looks in the eyes of another,
you get what you get
& you also get what you give.

running away is easy,
almost too easy.

i'm liking this arrangement,
ever-glowing,
every growing,
ever changing.
-
while moving sacred through placements
& planetary gas-light;
forward flowing is the motive,
pay respects, still
to the past life.
moving pass life in a low phase.
new world,
intro to new age.

i'd say wipe out the whole 'humanity',
flood the land,
clear the trace,
clear the mind,
the hidden space
where they placed fear through nano-bytes,
not black or white;
illusion.
-

keep it real, how do you feel?
feelings aside, it helps me heal.
to clear my mind and hope it’s real.
why do you fear a broken deal?
she talks to moons and trace the stars.
stitching the wounds, awaiting scars.
viewers discretion; strongly advised.
i see you lurking, i am lusting like skies.
i am contradicting truth like the lies.
maybe a devil, as an angel disguised.

suicidal girl.
she was broken,
disturbed..
couldn’t handle what he’d done.
never talked about it once,
no not to anyone.
she bottled it up,
held it in a safe.
so hard to unlock,
no sign, not a trace.
cut deeper wounds instead.
blood all over the floors,
blood dried up on her bed.
14 years old.
scars,
from head to toe.
scars,
nobody knows.
can’t let anyone know.
sweaters in the summer heat.
can’t let anyone see.
suicidal girl,
how cruel the world can be.

swings like pendulums
on planets at the heart
& at core.
doors are opening
& more life is channeling into source
to explore & expand,
great,
creation.

credit is due,
years go by
& through the grace of whatever god takes credit
for my levels of super intelligence,
imagination takes me far to distant worlds.
-
charge your chakras & your crystals by the light,
feed your shadows in the darkness of the neigh
drawing near to your sun sign.
& sunshine will forever bring you purity.
-
how long is forever?
what tools do you measure?
what jewels do you treasure
in your chest?
near your heart source,
atleast try to keep your heart pure,
atleast the reward is much greater than the process.
-
lets try to measure progress by visual appearance,
find yourself in midst of forest,
seeking clarity & clearance
or your presence
or your pretence becomes you.
-
or your visuals become you
like your tongue is heavy & hold weight,
like whatever you say must pass through
pop filters,
& your sway is a simple dance to your own beat.
-
what level of comprehension?
how might you even see from the outside looking in?
remember,
judgement falls back onto the same soil.

pick a poison.
drain it slowly,
hope it quenches your thirst.
swallow gently,
read the label.
though, that should have been first.
“how do you feel?
i hope it heals.
i hope it gives you what you need.
no blurry vision,
this is real.
what do you see?
i hope it’s me.
i hope it’s true.
ill always be in touch,
im always here with you.
just keep this bottle by your side.
your world and mine, they will collide.”