uninspired yet still so inspired.
-
moving at a reasonable pace but sometimes i start to wonder if im moving..
or moving fast enough.
left my faith in the hands of the universal decider;
& im not worried
i just need reassurance.
then a message so timely,
on the walls in the sky brings awareness to the questions of who, how and why.
"you are here, you exist.
all that you seek is in the midst of all that surrounds you.
feed your spirit,
let it ground you.
bring you back down to the earth,
no need to question or search.
divine timing and plans
are in motion and stands with the forces that were sent here to guide you.
for reassurance take another look inside you."
thank you!

oddly enough,
i feel nothing.
although i've said it countless times before;
i guess practice really does make perfect.
-
im learning to enjoy the present moment
while still anticipating another.

not to brag & boast,
not very often,
atleast.
there's many still none quite like one.
-

no need to prove your worth to the weak that cannot comprehend.
there’s no need to put up a wall,
there’s no need to pretend.
stand boldly in your truth,
stand strong and raise hell.
don’t you cry out for help.
don’t lose yourself.
-
don’t allow a love so shallow to try to drown you.
watch the people that are fake,
they’re all around you.
only the depth is profound,
a love that cannot be found.
it’s higher, in a new dimension,
i’ve been searching the ground.
-
if true love is what you seek,
you’ll find it at your lowest peak.
because those that love you when you’re weak,
are the ones you’ll want to keep.

don't throw shade;
just burn some sage to give you clarity.
no one can test you,
'lest you feed into your savagery.
your mastery is whole,
so bring no drama to the soul.

im not a hater but sometimes i can come across that way,
especially when you put me in a ring with another entity
waging war against my property,
against my sanity.
-
of course i wont stand defenseless
as my effort goes wasted
while still attached to my essence,
you must have forgot.
-
you must have forgot
those days when
you saw only power in what exists...

the goal is elevation.
consistent dedication
to complete separation
from everything that does not serve the person i am trying to become.
& though my value is downplayed
i know that this physical reality,
this ambiguous identity is not all there is to me.
i dare not subscribe to a world of lies
& desolation
disguised as everything i could ever dream.
i am more than what you see with eyes in collaboration with a mind stuck in a box
surrounded by mediocre thoughts
& needless intentions.
you say i am powerless because i see little value in this material reality
where appearance takes place of character
& the frailty that seeps though designer clothing is most genuine.

nothing makes sense anymore...
how can one be ever so strange?
is your mind too expansive?
is your vision too vivid?
have you had a great awakening
or some strange attempt at mystic.
-

like a sunflower in a bouquet of bright red roses..
you were chosen.
-
the weakest link,
or so it seems.
who'd ever think
a stoic queen
could be so far behind the scene
& never seen.
-
never seeking mere attention,
only focus is ascension,
elevation,
with intentions so pure...
-
and no one is really sure
who you are
or
whose you are
i swear they've never seen your kind.
so brilliant,
so divine.
so free,
and so inclined
to spread love & light,
with no motive or spite
just a vision,
a clear sight of
what's righteous.

its like all words turn to tear drops
in attempt
to introduce shallow to depth.
my excuse is deep sadness,
what's yours?
-
since my contributions are unsteady like the grounds i walk,
id rather not give nor take.

in a world full of discomfort,
here’s to the only lovers left alive,
we’ve been ducking and dodging
we’ve been running all our lives,
though the atmosphere, unbalanced
we’re both lowly and sublime.
& life is short ... so we’re running out of time.

totems come as eagles
captures snake,
as great change
& mystery takes place,
on display as common interest...
its always deep beyond the surface.

there was always a fire in his eyes,
i mean the way they lit up at the sight of me was almost crazy.
he was my book of ****** fantasies,
i loved everything about him but the things i loved most were the ones hidden behind closed doors.
his voice would immediately arouse me,
but the moment he laid hands on me it was salacious.
as i bit my lip & gasped for breath,
it was almost never too much for me to handle.
you see, when you open up yourself to someone & not just anyone,
someone worth opening up to..
the feeling takes you places beyond what you can imagine,
its no longer *** its something bigger, more immense.
i can say not everyone deserved me, but he did..
never promiscuous.
we bonded in a different way,
i thought about him & the way he made love every chance i got.
it made me wonder, did he love me? or was the heat so misleading..

i’ve been in love before,
but never like this.
a love straight from the genie
who granted my wish.
who said to hold you close,
to make you smile
in new ways
because
in a year or two,
the love-spell might fade.
he may lose the sight of
who you are
or what you’ve shared,
but don’t you be worried
and
don’t you be scared
because
true love never dies,
it never gives up
so cross up your fingers,
& wish yourself luck.

does a door have a lock?
are the walls even up
or high enough to comprehend what's beyond?
is anyone up there?
-
intertwining,
like healthy attachment;
mind seems empty handed yet still full continually.
who needs love anyway?
what is love anyway?
does love will to ease the tension,
where do words come in question?
-
run on sentences paint never ending stories of mine;
where i contemplate lines,
go out of mind,
& far enough in time to keep me vibin' high atleast...
-
i keep secrets far enough to keep me center,
i dont keep secrets more than anyone keeps guard.
whatever coin i flip,
im in process of aligning to destiny,
no questions
& if i question then that question is but an idea.

opportunity knocked;
well
it banged.
awaking me from the sweetest dream of all the things that aren’t,
but could have been.
can they still be?
with hardened dribble on my cheek,
i groaned
“who’s there?
come in.”
hovering over me,
possessing feelings of mere affection
he just stood there.
i felt him
but i never looked up.
see,
i figured
if he wanted my company
he would have made it clear to me.
instead he stood embracing me,
steady mocking the mess i had made of myself.
he didn’t even offer to help.
not a small word or
a shy good luck.
not a simple you’re beautiful,
or demand to get up.
nothing.
he seemed scared.
was i that much of a monster?
a vicious scene to be feared?

while you claim power,
sit on thrones;
i exalt the lowly ones.
no one man better than the next,
each one deserves acclaimed respect.
your horse high like your heels,
you say money is your power.
i come through and devour your opinions,
they dont matter.
a dollar holds no weight in the higher space.
in the sunken place everything praises ego.
you lack necessities now you are seeking hero.
in need of rescue,
let your money protect you.

smoke-filled vessel,
neglecting liquid 'lest its true hydration.
the rise & fall are both too clear to resist.
-
a hope-filled sense of any tomorrow,
infused with espressos,
infused expressions
and the finest strain willing to enthuse my moods.
-
running wild,
not a trace of any patterns repeated;
making contact but only when needed.

my nerves wreck upon confronting,
i'd rather stand back
at the back of the room.
find me at the nearest exit,
off-setting the center of attention.
avoiding conversation with
dismissive head-nods
& wondering why i came...
-

is it the higher order construct
or impudent conduct,
is it only bore
or is there more?
to you,
to me,
there is a mystery that turns madness
to magic,
if we let it.

i am deep in relations
with a deeper meaning;
familiar to a larger view
of a picture that most
can only see a spec.
so when i’m distant
don’t you take it
as a form of disrespect,
or neglect.
my space
is required,
my ability to function
is in compliance with
my ability to be silent.
in solitude
i confide and
they say no man is an island,
i am an island,
isolated.
separated.
never to be integrated.

love has turned us into enemies,
a love gone spoiled,
a broken bond.
we lost touch with loving energies
we’re enemies.
but we’re supposed to be in love.
love wasn’t enough
to keep us in love.
we’re out of touch
so beautiful,
what it could’ve been.

i start to think i need to be the type of poet,
that resonates well with all sorts
& connects at first glance.
-
it drains me to want to be someone that i already am...
-
there's no right or wrong way when you're so introspective
that you only see the vastness of your being;
you only see far & wide,
endless possibility
& endless truth...
don't lose yourself,
just embrace your point of view.

made a mess of self-expression,
turned softness to aggression.
missed all the healing sessions,
now nothing's left to question..
-
pretty bird,
can you fly again?
pretty bird,
you are one with the wind.
you hit the window,
once or twice.
seeking distance,
higher heights.
you're so pretty when you cry,
you're so pretty when you fly.

as i fight with my mind,
who fights with my heart.
i form ties
and i rip ties apart.
as i struggle in your world
& try to keep up with mine.
i go dumb,
i go out of my mind.
like i’m drunk,
i am out of my mind.
--
as i love i keep the hate on speed dial
and for drama you can hit the redial.
when i am me,
i cant get through to you.
what did i really do to you?
like growth,
i am so new
so keep up.
--
i need a stained soul,
one that’s impatient and old.
who has no vision but goals..
one who gets lost in the wind,
and makes a home in the storm.
whose only focus is right,
who understands we’re all wrong.
who falls apart through the night,
back on their sh-t at first light.
i think that’s love at first sight,
i thought right.

i’m bored now with commanders that force...
to command is like to force,
to demand is to endorse activation & alignment
by whatever your intention must be.
-
so your intention must be what you will to see,
being,
displayed before all seeing eye.
-
i’m surrounded by commanders of flame...
commanders beyond games
upon chess boards.
pure input,
raw export of what no longer serve we.
-
fall as waste or
stand in grace,
if you are worthy.

make a home in your chaos,
embrace your inner madness,
it is better to light a candle
than to curse the darkness.

a certain chill across my skin,
it gives me goosebumps.
to look outside & see the skys all dark & gray.
to all the better days ahead of me,
with sadness as my remedy
it pays a homage to the storms
that passed my way.
-

attention is expensive to pay,
not moved by the things that you say.
you feel a way,
it’s okay.
-
secure in the thought of not needing nobody,
but i be wanting somebody.
someone strong & passionate,
who can challenge the fear
of the unknown & the reality of what is right here.
someone kind and complacent
not weak and abrasive.
no words that can take him,
even if i do say so myself.
-
you’re the one and i see that,
& my reaction is a react.
not a distraction,
it’s a relapse.

they say the same walls that block out fear will keep the happiness away.
so these days im roaming freely,
seeking all in vast array.
-
letting walls down,
opened for trespassing,
unlocking doors now.
-
no longer watching my steps,
i may just trip the alarm.
i may just take over the world,
i may not ever make a sound.
i may not ever come around again,
i'm feeling lowly,
im in search of
higher ground again.

UPDATE:
distance is misleading..
you think its what you want, and maybe it is but it is also not what it seems.
the idea that "if we can work from this far, we can definitely work" is so wrong.
communication is one thing, its good & once you can communicate you think you're already at a great start.. but its complicated.

i thought it could work simply because i was willing.
we both were.
but, there was a disconnect.. sometimes people dont realize their own flaws. they notice the flaws of others but when it comes to realizing personal issues, they become oblivious to whats seems so obvious.
i can state my every flaw, i can own up to them and i can apologize and adjust myself.
but he couldnt?
i appreciated his effort,
but in efforts to show my appreciation, i failed.
i valued him beyond what i showed him,
i was a wall.
i thought he understood.
he said he understood.
i was the one creating trust issues? though i was simply trying to adjust, i never disrespected. i kept my word and without being sure if it could ever work, i continued to seclude myself.. making myself unavailable to anyone that wasnt him.
it was clear to me that whoever was before me made it harder for me to ever get a fair chance and i was fine with that because i know how it can be!
everything that was thrown at me, i understood from another person's stand point and i adjusted without ever distancing myself or leaving..
but it wasnt enough!

i put everything anyone has ever showed me aside and i trusted that he would never hurt me.. i knew that he would leave and he made me believe that he wouldnt.
i hesitated.
he left.
though, im still here
better than ever now.
all i wanted was time.
all i wanted was the permission to repair the broken pieces of me,
in hopes to give you the best version of me.
all i needed was time.
its a process,
it still is.
but some people prefer finished pieces over works in progress.

honestly, all you gave me was honesty and clarity,
you were there, always.
thank you.
our timing, so off.
but our encounter, as small as it may seem
was essential.
you were everything i didnt even realize i needed,
you were everything i wish i loved and cherished while you were here.
but now you're there,
im still here.
my mind and my body still crave you,
the love i have for you still awaits its release.
you are perfect in the most imperfect way.
beautiful loss..

theres still chaos in midst of the stillness.
a balance,
the bad mixed with good its
thrilling...
not knowing what to expect
& through it all
ill live on with no trace of regret.
each step brings me closer to the edge of possibility;
each time that i fall i am refocused on humility,
my agility,
my courage,
my ability to rise
becomes louder than my cries.
faith louder than my fears,
fill a river with my tears;
i embrace them
for they are not a sign of weakness.
only the strong survive,
no space amongst us for the weak.
less focus on the trials,
we dont recognize a worry.
to each its own,
to each a throne,
a space to re-write the story.

there's a law that says i cant always be powerful
so somedays my sway may seem a-lotta bit off.
you'll see me smile while claiming sanity,
the next day im concrete stiff.
i know i must
but if
i had to choose,
i wouldn't...
-
something about balance.

i believe in a creator,
the most diligent artist itself.
not man\woman,
not human at all;
a force greater than the most complex of understanding.
i don't believe in a saviour
returning to save the world,
i believe in a divine plan
so perfectly timed
that the world will save itself.
an enforcer of love,
not the word
but the feeling.
undeniably a feeling relating to a higher source of energy.
a higher being
possessing a certain healing.
i believe in energy,
frequency,
vibrations high & low.
vibes everywhere you go.