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  Dec 2018 the black rose
Em MacKenzie
I see you everywhere but beside me,
the one place that I need you the most.
I don’t know if you’ve just felt like hiding,
but it feels like I’m being stalked by a ghost.
I think of my life consisting of just time biding,
with parasitic emptiness and I’m the host.
This hits me like waves I am meant to be riding,
and it follows me persistently from coast to coast.

The grass didn’t seem so green back then
I guess all that constant rain did pay off,
‘cause now this little future’s just a casual friend,
and my god looking back the past was soft.
It’s not like I always want to be drenched in sorrow,
I find I look much better in brown, blue or grey,
you know I’d trade in every tomorrow
for just one more yesterday.

I hear every voice but yours in my ears,
the deafening noise has made me forget that sound,
since I’ve heard that sweet melody it’s been too many years,
and every other pitch makes my static brain pound.
I’m always biting my lip but now I’m fighting tears,
I shake my head side to side and around.
I’m quickly losing stamina from battling my fears
and now looking forward to my hole in the ground.

The skies never seemed clear and blue back then,
it turns out that I was the creator of each cloud,
I’m hoarding past calendars so that I can pretend
that I’m back in time and making everyone else proud.
If you’ve got a hour or two that I can borrow,
I swear I’m good for it and whatever price; I’ll pay,
‘cause you know I’d trade in every tomorrow
for just one more yesterday.

I feel you all over, laced in everything,
if it wasn’t such a curse, it’d be a gift.
You’re the peace in winter and the hope in spring,
you’re the summer sun and autumn’s winds so swift.
I’m relieving every memory, looking for a place to cling,
I remember all of the details but the clarity is now adrift.
Side to side, back and forth, I constantly swing,
it pulls and drags me down but it can also give the highest lift.

The sun never seemed to shine right back then,
but maybe I was just too busy looking for artificial light.
I was never one for second looks but I should’ve searched again,
because everything I wanted was already in my sight.
So I plant a seed hoping it will eventually grow
and I sculpt all I wish for with clay,
‘cause you know I’d trade in every tomorrow
for just one more yesterday.
the black rose Dec 2018
where i am from
ignorance is like a crown
worn ever-so proudly,
and detriment like softened blows
taken ever-so mildly.
       there is foolish pride here,
       there is no one to guide here.
everyone just cries
& complains all the time
& i guess it’s in the nature
of the poor
unconditioned minds.
i guess it’s what you do
when you know of nothing else.
i guess it’s what you do
when you know nothing of ones self.
i am of the few
that knows just what to do,
but if you are not popular
in society view
then who are you?
you do not matter.
they do not hear the words you say,
but it is fine
just save yourself,
they’ll see you tried to help
some day.
some day too late.
the black rose Dec 2018
i gathered all the pieces
of my desolated heart.
i sorted my emotions,
took my being full apart.
i emptied my mind
of the clutter,
of fear.
i opened my eyes
& the truth was right there.
i stopped feeling sorry,
no pity,
no doubt.
i brooded the confusion,
i found my way out.
i made me a promise
to seek what is real,
broke free from a *******,
this is how
i healed.
true story
the black rose Dec 2018
i’ve seen you here
sometime before.
ive felt you here,
but im not sure.
are you a dream?
non-lucid thought?
prophetic screening,
un-clever truth.
familiar feelings,
deja-vu.
the black rose Dec 2018
like i am hot or cold,
like i am white or black,
like some gleam in abundance
and others form a lack;
i am either
elated
and ecstatic
or drowning in a sadness,
either dancing with the angels
or travelling the madness.
the black rose Dec 2018
bear in mind
im dark as shadows,
im deeper than abyss.
secluded,
and deluded
closed tightly like a fist.
the black rose Dec 2018
i’ve been in love before,
but never like this.
a love straight from the genie
who granted my wish.
who said to hold you close,
to make you smile
in new ways
because
in a year or two,
the love-spell might fade.
he may lose the sight of
who you are
or what you’ve shared,
but don’t you be worried
and
don’t you be scared
because
true love never dies,
it never gives up
so cross up your fingers,
& wish yourself luck.
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