i am grateful for the short time i had with you
and the way i was loved so incredibly
i lived for the little infinities we created
on the back roads and in your bedroom
where time mysteriously disappeared
and all we had was the way our hearts synchronized

i am grateful for the hours we spent
discovering who we were as one
instead of two troubled individuals who spent
too much time divulging in their own dusty skeletons they keep in totes underneath the bed
finding each other in the small corners of the world
like on top of a bluff
or in the middle of a river
where the only thing that mattered
was the way lips warm and the way bodies melt together

i am grateful for the heartbreak
for the tears that have been shed for you
because without you i would have never known
what it feels like to be broken by someone
who i love unconditionally
and what it feels like to live without the other half of me

somehow
between the sadness and the hopelessness i felt within me
i learned how to sew my body together
to make a whole being once again
even though the scars and the holes still remain
i'm someone again
i hope you are as well

I have crushes
because I am unable
to commit.
I can pick up affairs
and when I'm tired,
I quit.

I have crushes
because I am an obessessive
romancer.
I am infected with lust
which always spread
like cancer.

I have crushes
because I have yet
to fall in love
yet lucky enough
to have my heart
broke into two.

I could never love you wholly
this is why I 'crush' on you.