woman found
stabbed in the neck on butlers lane
but she wasn't a woman
she only breathed 18 years
of breath
and she only got to have 18 years
worth of smiles
laughs, tears,
aches, pains,
her future was stolen by envy

I stopped questioning if God was real at 3am one night
in a church parking lot
I was in the front seat, on top of a boy
who would not even drive to my house to see me,
we'd always meet up
and when he told me to take off my clothes I did
and when he told me "I dreamt about this"
it stuck
when I closed my car door, and went on my way home
that is when I stopped believing in God
because I already knew that he wouldn't call tomorrow
and I already knew the familiar bleeding of my wrists would
lull me to sleep
and I already knew he'd be back in a month
speaking of love and forgiveness
I stopped believing in God
when I found it in a person, and I decided
God isn't such a nice guy.

it hurts even to remember
the way you used to burn through my brain
and sometimes when I'm alone
ill come across a hole burnt through my head
like drunken nights where I put out cigarettes on my skin
and I draw a blank, I start to feel it again
stay the **** away from me

today I started work at my first job
a fast food joint
and when I handed customers their change
I gave them my childhood, too

i've been gone awhile maybe you thought i died
i wish i did, so i wouldn't feel so empty inside
'cause i wake up lately without the motivation to write
i've lost everything except my ******* life
so what do you do when all you can think
is of making more drops of blood in the sink
when nobody's around, you really could drown
in it, and i'm not okay anymore.
i've lost my way, i'm for sure
that i'll never feel okay again
cause my baby doesn't even wanna be friends
i just wanna pass this, wanna pass the end
and i swear to god i've already died, i'm in hell
but no everyone, i'm fine. i'm doing swell.

you can punch your reflection all you want,
the only result will be ****** knuckles and broken glass.
stop pushing it away, you're never gonna be okay.
he didn't want you, maybe it's because you don't even want yourself
self destructing in
5, 4, 3, 2...

denied, and died.
let me tell you a story; even though
it's not a good one.
no happy ending, this time.
she fell in love with  a boy
and what a surprise, he cheated.
she gave him another chance.
he did it again. they broke up.
he got a new girlfriend, but he cheated on her too.
and this time, it was with the first girl.
the first girl didn't want to be
part of the aching pain that comes with
the boy.
she only wanted him for her own.
but she wasn't strong enough.
she told the girl about the boy who cheated,
and the girl was angry.
they never separated.
the other girl, the first one,
she was there first!
so shouldn't she get
the mean boy?
no, i guess not.
denied, and died.
the end.