Alone but not
                                  lonely
Lonely but not
                                   alone

A true conundrum

I lost my little girl today.
I held her in my arms and felt
her slipping away.

As the end came sneaking in
I gave her up to medicine.
And, in my selfish way,
I prayed for even one more day.

Hurry fill the forms in and
hurry up to wait.
Knowing in the heart of me
that already I'm too late.

Then they come and take her
from my loving arms.
To poke, to **** and draw blood.
And again I wait as
they try to resuscitate.

My prayer was not heard today.
My little girl died
when her heart gave way.

Just a dog so many say.
Yet in my eyes
my child died today.

Now there's an empty
space inside that no
thing can fill. . .
except the warm memories
of my loving little girl.

Our world when we are small.
Our bane when teenaged.
Our friend as an adult.
Our loss when death takes.

Gunmen rampaging
Nowhere seems safe anymore
Broken government

Never pretty enough
Always the ugly friend. . .
Never smart enough
Always struggling just to keep up. . .
Never talented enough
Always waiting in the wings. . .
Never good enough
Always the last to be picked. . .
Never. . .enough
Always. . .afraid

My life has slipped away.
My life has been crazy slow.
The days seem long.
The weeks fly by.
And the years . . .
                                where did they go?

So much for so few
So little for so many
Our shame on display

My soul feels consumed
I own so much shame and guilt
No room for hope here

love doesn't tiptoe
the end of the beginning
never first again

Sadness overwhelms
I am swimming in my pain
Darkness takes me down

lung collapsed no breath
Crumpled to the floor three times
death not close enough

The words were fired like bullets
The barbs rained down like acid
The blows struck flesh like the bodies that fell
This was a war zone

My growing up life