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Dec 2012 · 1.0k
Addicted to Pain
Kevin Eli Dec 2012
I just realized today that I have never been in a healthy relationship with anybody in my life.
Not friends, nor family, nor lovers.
I am a liar.
I am a frightened Child.
I am a broken, sick individual
More than just a foot in the grave,
A living, hollow, death.
My own slave.

I can change that right now, Today.
Grasp the moment,
Love Myself.
Intensely.

Close my eyes,
Find the inner flame,
Concentrate the pain,
Put it in a box for God to cast out of the fray,
Into the river of time,
And let it all wash away...

Push it away.
Gently, let it flow down stream
To be consumed by the waves
In the great ocean

It is the only way I can be saved.
I must and will take it minute by minute, until I can shake off my unnatural ways.
Dec 2012 · 712
Pins and Needles
Kevin Eli Dec 2012
Spreading as a warmth, inside from out.
Snuffing the wick of the candle, I exhale and Ignore the doubt.
Wandering, wondering where the world went,
The stars in the sky fell down again and again.

Then again....

Where was I when I was gone?
How many times have the dogs within me have me pet them then rip me apart?
I'm tired of crying, and begging, lying and crawling in the dark,
Never knowing what is too near or too far.

Then again, I hope I never do it again.

I'll look for God, the God in myself, and remember what it means,
To be a man once again.

Never again.
Sep 2012 · 502
L & L
Kevin Eli Sep 2012
Ten years ago,
I never felt so low.
The hours they come and go, come and go
But the minutes; they move by so fast, their faces they will never show

And I know.
You've got my heart and soul.
My love for you will never grow old.
But there's just one thing more I asks for.
But it's too much, and I know it.
It's just too much,

To ask

To be loved. I want to be loved by you.

To live with
To dream with
To grow old with
And die with
But the best part
Was trying
To be who
I can't be
The best of you
The worst of me
The love I find inside my enemy

Oh, to be loved. I want to be loved by you.

To live with
To dream with
To grow old with
And die with
To lie with
I'm tryin'
To find out
The best part
Was not now
But at the start
So when I leave
Please gently find
That how much I loved you,
Won't fade in time.

To be loved
I want to be loved by you.
A song. I wrote this about a girl I fell in love with. Her name was Lacey. We were together for years. I've never loved the drug, but I loved her enough to do it with her.
Sep 2012 · 568
To Live Or Die
Kevin Eli Sep 2012
I step through
Giving way to
Those that break me
Take me
Give me what I need
To suffer in serenity.
Break my being in two.

Creeping over me,
Melting off the mold which hides
Fires burn
Yet stop the movement inside.

Don't give into the hate of the free
It's free of the hate in you and me.

Still like a light,
Sun, skin, the blood inside of me
Gives me consideration
into what my past and tense will be.
That feeling comes over me again.
Like a cover over my eyes
Once again blinding what I see.

Save me.
Sep 2012 · 1.8k
The Blood of Jerusalem
Kevin Eli Sep 2012
Playgrounds that double as bomb shelters.
Words of hate painted on a missile.
Freedom and peace doesn't exist when your neighbor wants to **** you...

Happiness and sadness, survival feels like madness.
The bus stop burns as you go to work and pass it.
Schools turned into a pool of blood, piled **** and rubble.
Whoever calls this the Holy Land is full of ******* and troubled.

The tears and the pain make us numb.
Begging for that bullet in the head, so it would be over and done.
There is nowhere to run, even though we are scared
Can this ever end? If we all only cared.

Freedom or fear.
FIGHT.

Fight for your life,
Hope that the children fight for all human rights.
A future without war, without bodies or burned shores.
Asking to give their lives, for a world without horror, guns and mortars.
A land without borders, prisons, our hate and our horrors.

For Love,
Eternal and forever, each day can be born.
Pray for Jerusalem,
So we can all go home.
Palestinian or Israeli, Christian, Jewish or Muslim; we all have the same right to be loved and pursue happiness.
Aug 2012 · 528
Today
Kevin Eli Aug 2012
Head in hands held like a crown
Living it up to stay down
Pray for me and I'll pray for you
Just give me the words before you do
This addiction you gave me, I gave to you
Just like we knew we were going to do
It's such a feeling I can't explain
Though the feelings show in my face and veins
Veins

So hard to live in this world today
Nothing's fine and nothing's okay
We live our lives in turns by day
Praying for my today to be tomorrow's dreams today
Tomorrows' dreams today

Oh,
Tomorrow's dreams today
So hard to stay
So I take the life I live and fight
The strength, the soul, the will and might
The pain inside, the tears I cry
The faith inside to see the light
And know that I can dream up my own dreams
As long as I can slip away...
To have tomorrow's dreams today
Aug 2012 · 3.2k
Opiate For Your Masses
Kevin Eli Aug 2012
Bow before his majesty
Give your soul and innocence to his divinity
Make your offering, practice your sacrifice
Hope for infinity
You were lied to,
The warmth is ice.

Trade your time for a place
To an entity without a face,
Remember...
Never throw your freedom to their greed and disgrace.

**** yourself, **** your neighbor
Don't give a **** about your loves and labor.

Kept in your heart, the hate you harbor
Will never get you farther,
Than the shoes of our fathers
Release your demons
Roll back your eyes
Crack slow a stoic smile
You will never fit in those shoes,
For they span for miles.

Remember,
God has no soul or soles,
He's just lying in the bathroom, crying,
half conscious on the tile...
Kevin Eli Aug 2012
Didn't sleep all night
8,000 miles
Fought with my mother, been going for a while
She doesn't understand me
I don't understand myself yet, who is doing these things?
I love her to death, But I just feel like
... A burden, a broken window, a stain with no solution.

I have to feel bad, I want to hate myself, I need to conform
And change.

Yet I hope and feel like I'll be okay, Someday
I just want to make her proud in some way,
To make us both feel okay,
To not drown,
To start over somehow
...And heal her scar
Because I gave her the grey hair, and the pain
Jul 2012 · 10.3k
Sex
Kevin Eli Jul 2012
***
Your skin doesn't lie,
Your lips don’t either.
The soft touch of hand,
Upon body,
You give in.
Sweat, spilled wine and swoon,
Your heart skips a beat,
Only to match mine
In sync.
Lights on, lights off.
Beat harder,
Breathe faster,
Using our bodies to see each other.
Stop and go
Holding our breath,
Gripping the sheets
Until it’s over.
Jun 2012 · 596
Silent Quiet War
Kevin Eli Jun 2012
Every person has a puzzle and rarely is there a key.
For each corner we turn around, we find another enemy.

Something's creeping, crawling inside.
Personal wars we make, where the bullets fly.

Killing for a name, for an upgrade, we **** each other.
Only to get *****,
Quietly...

Ducking for cover was never an option when you were raised painfully.
Words of love died why?
You forgot to sing to me.

I'm off to war dad, don't take it personally.
We all have a battle.
We all have temptations to feed...
Some love, while some greed.
Just remember to do it
Quietly.
Jun 2012 · 653
The Value of a Life: 2012
Kevin Eli Jun 2012
Why is human life so valuable?
...Well is it?
Depends on who's values
My values?
I have none.
I lost them, taken away by my big brother.
Somebody PLEASE tell me the value of a life...
Jun 2012 · 770
A Moment of Instinct
Kevin Eli Jun 2012
Lights out
Closed
Reflection
Inner thoughts
Mingling
Contraction
Memories lapse
Reviewed
Deduction
Open eyes
Dilation
Flooding
Reaction
What is perceived,
Is all we know
Jun 2012 · 338
Departure
Kevin Eli Jun 2012
Well I'm sitting here with my friends
      and I can't tell them why
     this is the end
    of the times I'll try
   to explain again,
what I feel,
now,
and never
Again.
Jun 2012 · 476
Digging
Kevin Eli Jun 2012
What I know
Oh I know
But did you know?
What they know?
Them cats be diggin'
Out to keep us down
Gettin' us goin' round
Oh I know

They ain't gonna stop me
From making my sounds
and goin' to town
Yes I know
How they know
How to keep cool
And spin it round

Yet I ain't afraid no more
For I am no fool
'Cuz in my world, I know
I make the rules.
Now.
Jun 2012 · 484
Eternal Tonight
Kevin Eli Jun 2012
Is my nature an appealing surprise?
Or do I walk through dreams in other's afterlives?
You make me wonder

As I float on clouds I see a familiar sign of you.... YOU
When I am here, I feel high, looking into your eyes... YOU.
You are a wonderment to the world.

So lets run and hide
We will sleep under a thousand skies for the rest of our lives
Just me and you
We will be eternal tonight
Jun 2012 · 535
Smiles with a Crack
Kevin Eli Jun 2012
For many years I loved you
Keeping my heart close at hand.
Since then I couldn't stand
Watching you run again and again
For fear of loving another man,

And I hoped I would feel you
If only to heal you
Yet you took it all away
And won't give it back.

And I know why you cry and all the reasons why you can't stop.
Praying for an end to the heart attacks and sudden drops.

So when the world comes crashing down,
You will see me once again
With a life near death
Loving you with a smile
Forever beyond the end
She died in March 2016.
Jun 2012 · 786
Cult of Culture
Kevin Eli Jun 2012
If nations were like people, and cultures were like opinions,
We wouldn't worry about blood spilling over dominion

But people act like nations, and our opinions form cultures,
So our children will be killing each other because of their parents.
Vampires and vultures
Kevin Eli Jun 2012
If I rise today
There will be no tomorrow
For I am the rider
Of earth, wind, and fire.

And if you see me
I'll be flying my sails
With the winds blow
Left from my trail

For I am the rider,
Of earth, wind and fire

And if you felt me
Burning on my way
left from the fires
Of what I say

You'll know I am the rider,
Of earth wind and fire.

So if you're moved
from the ground where you stay,
and the earth I have laid
You will know the way
That I have paved

For I am the rider, of Earth, Wind, and Fire.
Jan 2012 · 1.1k
Ten Years To Learn
Kevin Eli Jan 2012
At home on a ledge; Kids.
Remember to stay on the right, look through the scope, never forget your passions, your childhood, mother earth, family, how the sun sets in the west, the bottom, vital link of the chain, the journey, not the destination, the gift of life, neighbors, and strangers, your best friend, heaven above.
Dig for the sky, feel the ripple, slow roll, and mountain waves.
Reflect the days, spinning praise, our place in nature, your off-ramp to work, your on-ramp to happiness, and the little things we forget…
May 2010 · 533
Response for Daniel
Kevin Eli May 2010
IT...

IT can make you feel alone.
I feel alone
I dont want to feel alone.
So I will call you and make sure youre okay buddy
Im not okay
But we dont have to be alone, and we can be okay.
Lets go fishing and remember why we appreciate the sunny days
Apr 2010 · 1.4k
Orchid
Kevin Eli Apr 2010
An Orchid
Simply ******, arresting petals
I'm drawn and intrigued by the asymmetrical
Expressions that gave me this breathless impression.
How do I retrieve a demon so beautiful that the angels in heaven
Forgive and forget
The day I cursed such a corolla
.......................I want you...........................
..................I want to free you....................
pollinate your mind, so in time, you will forget the crime we confide
To never remember such a slow chlorophyllian life... with such little strife...
Falling petals
Never die
- From ME
Apr 2010 · 485
Why?
Kevin Eli Apr 2010
I ask why about too many things
Not out of ignorance,
But because I truly dont know

I ask why.
Not as a philosopher,
But as a human being
Why must I do this?

I want to learn and i want to travel
Walk that dirt covered road, kick up the gravel
I'm hated because I don't understand,
But if I ask to find an answer,
I'm scolded and given a brand

I ask why we ask why.
Not as a psychologist,
But as a wanderer.
Whats a memory?

Have we forgotten how to ask questions?
Why?
- From ME
Mar 2010 · 423
Sleep
Kevin Eli Mar 2010
Do I sleep to dream? I know I dream to sleep.
You know I want to sleep. I want to sleep to know, Did you dream too?

Because my yesterday was today, and today will soon be yesterday again, soon to lose and forget whats already a memory to be happening again.

Wake me up.
Rip me off the floor.
- From ME
Mar 2010 · 442
Motion
Kevin Eli Mar 2010
Lines ridges waves
Indentations in a cave
They rock and ripple in every way
Motions constant
Nothing stays
As the current flows The boat tips
A simple pattern expresses this
Simply formatted, every way
Life contains all of this.
- From ME

— The End —