A few ways exist
Where green growth
can destroy what was
If large tree grows near
Cutting it down will ..
Definitely do what it does
But the shattering thump
When that plan is used is...
Ow! we ended up with trump
And a beautiful tree now dead
When we randomly destroy
There's no correcting a path
There's just all in ..no fold
Or with neglect what was
Can be insidiously done in
By the green growth of mold
But go ahead and lump all
Together left and right as 1
Not seeking any offshoots
Because the best method
To contol the destruction
Sit in shade , encourage growth guiding the offshoot
To become those mighty roots
That's how you save the tree ,stay cool , deny the insidious parasites growth
     And then .....you can
with strong roots and decent Foundation have a stable structure
     and ...
something to build on.

Or you can just burn it all down
letting Anarchy prevail

Love is a fleeting thing
That can't be packaged ...
     ... or ...stored away
It has to breathe and laugh
Cry and get lost...
... in it's own circles each day

Love ....like any and all living things.

Which surely
   ...it must be considered such
For it had its season
And it must be seen
As a memory... Not a crutch

There is no laughter through pain
No stalwart dignity need be evoked
Just carry a petal
From the flower that was
And let the unbearable weight
Be temporarily revoked

Then that time will arrive
Inspiring... A memory...
... Wrapped in laughter... Real laughter
Some slip and fall or misunderstanding
Or even some strange pose forever etched
Deep inside of us

For isn't that what we all ... are after?

Because it is in that Hollow void
That empirical and ponderous minute
When we know... That we can carry it now
And we feel peace... With the knowledge
That others will be able
To... do the same
When they find themselves
Left.....behind
In this world.....,.  without us in it

For everything there is... Yes
There is a season
Even if it takes a while... To accept
That life happens...
....The Rainbow Bridge does exist
Death happens..and the facts of Life
Are often beyond any reason

So cry and moan and mourn
Remember that day when they
Or your friendship was born
And some day you will laugh
At that memory... You will always
You will always have

I saw the guys quick darting eyes
That slight jaw drop and look of surprise
I've seen It often as we walk along the park trails
And come to accept It for the truths that it details
I was 25 and she was 21 when we first met
A friends wife set me up on a blind date
That I did my best to politely refuse and...
Well you know friends wives and that debate

I rang the bell  and said Hello I'm... Here to...
The door buzzed loud and the intercom replied
Come on up left out the elevator the doors open
Here we go I muttered as I stepped inside the lift
3rd floor tile , wall hangings , plant urns and blind dates
Actually I really liked the decor that was on display
Not bright and glaring and not subdued shades of grey
I knocked on number 7 my lucky number " or was once.."
Open an inch so I started to push when it opened wide..And a beautiful smile on a beautiful face said Hi to a lucky dunce

That was almost 10 years ago now and we've been...
Let's see Married in June so in 2 months it will be 8
Sometimes life just rolls out the red carpet for those
Lucky enough to have friends with wives that
Intimidate
And funny thing is the looks she gets have increased
As the years go by she has just gotten more stunning
You know that saying..idk..oh.. something about fine wine
Anyway todays  Saturday walk through the park..was...is
Now different from all those hundreds we've taken before
Where I've walked so proud and watched guys from 10 to......aint dead yet
Try not to show too much reaction as we pass on by , but I see
I understand the reaction , and I've known how stunning she is...and yet...
As we walked beside the duck pond where we would always stop
So she could  feed the breadcrumbs that we always bring along
When I turned to hand them to her I saw that something was wrong
She turned from me and cautiously approached an old woman
Sitting alone on a bench and staring into some far away place upon closer look I could see the tears silently running down her face
So I sat down about 10  feet away   as I watched her take  a seat
Are you okay I heard her say then I felt the sun and could smell spring
To take it all in , the sounds and smells and everything I closed my eyes
It was then , without the distractions to draw my eyes , my attention
I could hear them talking as the woman sputtered a bit, but then got started  
I don't know what to do , my granddaughter lives with us and she just ten she said
This morning after I watced her off to school I accidently let her dog out
He saw a squirrel as I was entering and...and was hit by a car! He's dead
She will never forgive me she sobbed And I'll never forgive myself Never never
She will forgive you , and you will both cry together , and she will hurt
But if she lives with you she probably had other pains to deal with..yes?
Couldn't make out what the woman said but I heard Elise say that's what I wondered
So I promise you she won't hate you and she will forgive you
But for her sake and her future forgiving yourself is an absolute must
With all she's been through it wasn't her dog that she left in your care ...allowed you to share
It was her ability to breath again , her dreams instead of nightmares her love and her trust

Dogs live to chase squirrels and I'm sure she knows that
But you need to realize that she didn't give you her love and trust lightly and she won't take it back that way either
We ,my husband and I are going to brunch
and if you want to accompany us....
.afterwards -if you wish ,we will help you home
And my strong man can dig you a spot,
Then together we will bury him so..she doesn't  have to see
By leaving some cups of earth she doesn't have to
And the earth you each scatter will be...
In the days to come
A good memory to share  in the face of such a tragedy

I opened my eyes to see this woman staring at Elise and I had no idea what was to come
  Where are you going for brunch..if you don't me asking
Elise let out a subtle laugh, if you join us the choice is yours our treat
Do you know Denellies Deli on...yes we do I spoke up and it's one of our favorites
  Mine too she said with the smile like sunshine breaking through grey skies
But I was wondering about that quaint little nick- nack place next door
Do you think we could find a suitable market of some kind there
Of course we will said my lovely wife as she helped the lady rise
And that man following us is my husband David and you are  ?
Elise turned back to look at me as I fell a few paces further behind
Giving me that knowing smile and subtle nod that said
she knew that  giving them space...
....Was what was on my mind!

So yes today is the day that turned out different
Because for the very first time I realize
To really see how beautiful my wife truly is
I had to see her by closing my eyes!

I would sell myself a bill of goods
Before I would ever inveigh
The babble
That some-have the chutz-puh
To accept as some obscure
Personal quest
That they must compel
Themselves to fulfill
As the Tower Of Babel was
To the intrangient zealots
As they go about
Invoking invidiousness
Binging on the intoxicating inversion
Of partisan  opinionativeness
Quoting as they go
"Do unto me not as I do unto you"
When... In a chronometric second
Any possible bipartisan thoughts
That they may truly possess
Has passed through their cinderblock brain
Like the ray of light
On a birefringent trajectory
Unable to acknowledge or accept either one
As the refracting action
Accentuates the intolerance
Invalidating  them for
The total lack
Of introspection
Resulting from the
Total absence
Of any biological binder
That on any level would ever
Allow even the slightest sprig
Of libertarian thought
To escape deracination
Slamming the lid tightly
In hopes that noone  would see
The dividends that grow from
The derivation as a desideratum

People who can't see it
Personally.... I don't need em.

Restless rainyday feelings
Alone in my room
Peering out of the window
At the gathering grey gloom
Left in the darkness
With nothing to do
I open up my memories
To think about you
Like the raindrops that gather
On a clear window pane
The drops run together
Like the thoughts in my brain

And I'm floating along
On a foggy grey day
Peacefully dreaming of sunnier days
When we walked and we talked
Without ever even thinking  about time
Restless rainyday feelings
Alone and  wasting my time
At the depths of my remourse
On a steep uphill climb
As I'm climbing so hard
Just to get to the top
My thoughts........they just scatter
Like the falling raindrops

As they all run together
Like the lines on the pane
Running together much like
The thoughts in my brain

And I'm floating along
On a foggy grey day
Peacefully dreaming of sunnier days
When we walked and we talked
Without ever even thinking about time

Restless rainyday feelings
Alone as  I'm thinking of you
I find that it's so hard
To know just what to do
When left with an emptiness
That goes so amazingly deep
To the depths of my heart
My soul and my deepest desire
Those thoughts that inspire

These restless rainyday feelings
All alone  -- much too soon
So I'm just  floating  along
Through the gathering grey gloom
All alone....alone in my room !!

I've thought  a lot about us
Since the day you went away
And as I watched...
... you walk that day
I just didn't know what to say
So I dialed your number on the telephone
Suddenly I was enveloped by
The feeling of being alone

It was only to hear your voice
It was as if I had no choice
The worn-out picture that I carry is torn
The letters I meant to write someday
Have never been born

I've been a lot of places
And searched through a million faces
Searching for one that replaces
What I found in yours

Or no one else will do
Because when I think of you
I simply have no choice
But to hear your voice...
In the memories that abound in me

So I called you on the telephone
To see if you were alone
At least
That's what I tried telling myself
But really... It was just to hear your voice

The memories I have of you are as clear
But the words I meant to say...
... This time
Just simply weren't here
I called you on the telephone

TIME WILL TELL US WHEN ITS TIME!
I am beginning to realize the depths of corruption ,and absolute hatred necessary  to fracture the very  foundation that is needed for any  civilization to exist within the framework of world history,!  Time alone dictates when tribalism becomes the natural antidote for the ills of entrenched  governments- not ones borne of true rule of law or any visionary enmeshed enlightenment,- but one simply conjured up by the latest charlatans of any era. The ability of persuasion is probably more powerful when introduced to the upward mobile societies because the very same momentum that is required to navigate the rise is also the fuel that will widen the gap between the haves and the have-nots.
   No government ( as we understand such elements today)  could step into power here and make a balancing  attempt short of totalitarian austerity, simply because those who have become the rich and powerful riders are not concerned by who , what why or how they are allowed to ride so comfortably up the rise . No! Sadly they only care about their seat, and making it secure for themselves and theirs, not the multitudes of laboring, hungry ,abused, and neglected who have found their life is simply 1 of 2 choices . 1 is to just push and survive for themselves and therefore their families or quit pushing and try to get out of the suddenly backsliding monster , hoping to salvage something - anything - from the eventual catastrophic collision as the future propels itself into the reality of an ever looming past ; that is time itself and cannot be stopped. Certainly not  by our insignificance, no matter how vainglorious we believe we are !  In the end, - as in any beginning -  time has shown that we are nomads to entrenched stone fortresses... back to nomads.. to bigger, stronger fortresses that never hold forever- time sees to that as it passes by.. ,carrying the latest brand of tribal nomads with it and crushing all in its wake. The world ,- I fear - has never seen the likes of the  American  
nomads, who are now being manufactured as we stand here today ,arguing about what MAGA means and what bathrooms should be used . In Federal terms AGAIN indicates a return to something we were... which is something time simply will not allow , as those riding high and unconcerned are determined to see for themselves as it flashes before their eyes . I am no longer pushing or encouraging others ,who may believe a rest will exist when we reach the crest. No crest exists because time is constant ,it's march always steady and it's path is a flat endless plane while we create the rise and angle of ascent  in mathmatical precision ...calculated by the number of ,and energy needed, by the ones   pushing-multiplied by the unknown factor of X (what it takes to stay alive )
.   Hungry, hopeless ,frightened, sick and neglected people cannot( no matter the good will and pride )  keep going if more energy output only steepens the angle. Time runs this show and you know what that saying is ...only time will tell.
Absolutely correct ...only this go round we may still have an internet connection linking us back to who you were and what you did to your family name . That will be your legacy ,but it may well be the heavy chain of shame that your children and  grandchilren will bear the weight of for generations to come- and only you know why they are sentenced to do your time as  the Amercan version of untouchables

Well I can make faces
And I can make room
I can make promises
To the man in the moon
I can make time
And I can  make friends
But I don't know how
I'll  ever make amends
So tell me how to start
To heal a broken heart
And tell me how to forgive myself
Like I try to forgive someone else

I can make memories
And I can make changes
But I can't make up
For the way life rearranged
The pieces of the puzzle
Or  for the pieces that are lost
And I'll never be able to make up
For the trouble or the cost
Still I can make an offering
I don't have to make myself grieve
I hope I can make an opening
To help me find a way to believe

All poets and poetry
Is to me in form  surreal
As the poet is a micro thin mirror
Allowing the surface to be bent
Changing what others see or feel

We build wings of letter strings
Or one word sentences
As sharp as a Razor's Edge
Or as blunt as  a headaches constant thump

We conjure pleas as if on our knees
Seeking understanding from those we need ... saying
I am chilled of spirit who circles
Walking loneliness on a leash
Threatening me
With a sudden and lifelong attack
If if if I try  if I try if I try
To  engage my voice
I fumbled as I hear it crack

If I could I'd scream in rage
Get back get back get back
But still I fear I will be lost
In my attempts to run
To run and hide as I am not
I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not
Nearly strong enough
I'm not... strong enough
Strong enough fight it
To fight it off I fear
Without you here...
... Here by my side

But I love the immortal
Protector of the neglected or rejected
The shy ones and the  meek
Who have not the confidence
To seek out the words needed to speak
So I will often step in to defend
To wrap a bully up like a crumpled Dixie cup
Proving he / she has no point that will hold water

Then bring in the empath flexible mirror
To be turned upon the foe
This case in point - most recent
Where I stepped in to hear the verbal abuser
Speaking out on Facebook post so I turned on my tap

His anger quite accentuated by facts
It always seems to enrage the brain that cannot engage
Showing us all the reply... You are stupid and no one wants to listen to a 60 year old man with mantitties and a ponytail
No no no no no he didn't for you see I am also 60 years old no man **** but I have a ponytail
And this is where I love our surreal ability

I lept in with both feet
Brandishing my paper foil
Determined to reach into his consciousness
Seeking out his abuse as my excuse to release the coil

Hey dude we are all pretty lucky  
That there was once  those who chose
To pay attention to those with ponytails
You know John Paul George and  and
You know what's his name

I set the bitter teeth of that spring-trap
Baiting as I was waiting for him to ...
... put his foot into the Trap
Which was ... Obviously his mouth
And like a dream - my little scheme
Paid off like a slot machine
He said to me..
Shut the f up nobody talking about them Fn idiots ***** The Beatles
I said I can't believe you dude F-bombin them like that and I wasn't talking about the Beatles either
But I must say your misguided diatribe although I say your rant my ears it greatly pleases
As I meant John the Baptist the Apostle Paul George Washington yeah and you my friend just let loose the F-bomb on oh yeah JESUS.

Empower me
With the keen edge
Of cathartic sagacity
And I will dance
In exalted  tribute
To daybreaks invincibility
Double time
While quoting  rhyme
To the downbeat slash
Of the scarecrows scepter
While compatable
Emulation
Exposed to rarefied
Imagination
As the keep of the keys
Pounds out
The scathing expose
That dredges up
Those
Benumbed and bewildered
Riders
Who have been
Constantly
Overexposed to the negatives
Developed
In those darkrooms
WHERE
Expedited promises
Secretly enacted
Enabling
Blankcheck *******
Of any and all
Faithful believers
Of our beloved Carrousel
That we have
Always  insisted
Is the keepsake
Bequeathed
To all the concerned
Caretakers--once empowered
With the keen edge
Of cathartic sagacity
Now just
Trying to keep dancing
To the fading  calliope music
As too many
Once - synchronised
Elements
Of our revolving
Carrousel  
Are going wrong
Breaking down

there are those that claim
that you - no you!- no you are to blame
so what is the truth?
when it really comes to be
that which was ignored..
...may have cost more
than anyone of us....
....you or I could afford

For power is often salacious
to those most most perverse
intent on halting all progression
putting the gears into reverse
meeting lawful non-conformance
with overbearing aggression
for them - any question becomes resistance
and reason for unreasonable oppression

long before ever existed our constitution
when Kingly whims were sacrosanct
John Adams spoke of that to come
as a nation of laws - not of men
And that would be great if only twer true
for so often these days and times
they don't apply to I and I
only to you and you.    

I am who you must obey  until you become I - YOU have naught to say
you must comply -you must...
"YOU MUST OBEY!
...WHAT EVER I SAY FOR YOU youyouyou to do ! you must do!"

You may have been lucky enough to claim
Wasn't here ...didn't make the rules
meaning that I'm not... I'm not... I'm not to blame
I see no unjust inequality here ... being done to you
don't blame me because I'm not you
and we are not the same
  just submit and obey ... do whatever is said
by the mini- Kings of the day
until comes that time
when there are no more"yous" to abuse
the gun barrel... seeks out a new target stance
if then and only then
my friend... you realize
what many of us already do
that as a nation of laws..
... not of men
if all men "created equal" really is true
we are all the same ...who do we blame
for having not a clue...not realizing
that we are US And I am you?

Topic of the day
As I walked in the store
Was  the military going gay
Storekeeper ready for war
I liked the guy normally
So I hated to spring my trap
But its what I do ...regretfully
I listen to people and see past the crap
It doesn't make me many friends
But I'll.trade that for any light I create
In those dark and dingy corners
Where no reason or reality has...
          ,,,,,,been able ......to ..penetrate
Ever notice how people resent it
If you really listen as they speak
So sometimes I pretend to be vapid
So I won't be considered some kind of freak

It doesn't work either
Cause they always see it in my eyes
And say "WHAT ?  ,You really think I'm wrong.?"
And I get the job for which noone else applies
Somewhere in my DNA is a madman gene
Where I say if 2 x 2 is 4 then 200 x 200 is 4
The zero is a distraction if allowed to come between
Reason and  abstraction the surface and the core

So I jumped right in that day
When any normal person wouldn't dare
"Whats your objection Mr. Appleton
You don't think all things should be fair
And he pulled out the playbook to find a quote
A book that is a cover and a cover not a word in between
Censoring out all reason means that  thats "all she wrote"

Then out it came all the same a 7 with 4 zeros trailing along
"They shouldn't be allowed to be in the military cause ...
I'm  thinking don't use the zeros no  no .. I FOUGHT IN VIETNAM
                  Click ...click ...CLICK....
SO YOU"RE  SAYING YOU WENT AND FOUGHT FOR FREEDOM?
HE AGREED So I let him keep the zeros (a couple more seconds)
And they have a right in a free country to be who they are? I asked
He nodded as I reclaimed the now sad little zeros CLICK....
IM CONFUSED Sir they get freedoms men FOUGHT and died for
He again nodded  O.M.G. but they don't have to pay for it.? Right?
I just went ahead and took all his playbook stash of zeros CLICK
Click click .I  leaned and whispered "Thats a hell of a deal - how you were willing to fight and die click click click click so gay men
Could stay here where its safe while you pay for him to ****......
     Click click click click.... Needless to say I had to find a new store to shop at.CLICK.

Wander along
The adoration passageways
Too long
Glowing in the light
Of ones own measure of success
You may feel....as if
You can soar like the eagle

But that may lead
To an ego deflation
A deficiency in value
From black to red
So no matter what
validations of admiration
You may receive
no evaluation
Will ever make dirt
Taste like a custard pie

So... Go easy
And believe in
your value to evaluate yourself
And then you... Will...
... Never get hurt
when dirt... Always
tastes like dirt!

Sleepless night
Insomniatic overlay
Dressed
Coffee in hand
Outside... Listening
As nature announces
The arrival
Of a brand new day
The night birds clear shrill
Accentuating
The whippoorwills petal soft coo
Tree frogs keeping rhythm
While the skyline
Gently eases down
The blackness
With the gentlest of pastel blue
From far far away
Comes the hoarse throated honking
Of a quickly approaching goose
Announcing it was coming through
No mistaken.
I did believe
The Happy song they are always making
Until that moment
As daylight broke the night
With the sudden crack of dawn
To my surprise this traveling troubadour
Singing as it went winging by
Turning out to be a swan
Meting out a greeting
Hello Hello Hello
Continuing to fly
While off in the waning distance
Fading with a sad persistence
Diminishing
The swan song ...finishing
With a distant cry
goodbye... goodbye.... goodbye

Have you ever had the experience
A coincidence becomes dissectable
And every nuance  and subtle twist
Can be seen for the impossibly relatable
Series of razor thin events connected
By the most tenuous reality imaginable.

So there l was ... sitting  on a bench
In the very mall I practically lived in
Back when I was a kid of the eighties
"20 years since I had even ....drivin
   The cracked and humbled asphalt  parking lot  

College called  - I answered  
Job  offer - ouldn't refuse
First wife walked-while I strayed
Second paid me back my earned dues
Third passed my name on into tomorrow
And the next ones due - Doc says is two

Mom called ....had cracked her vision
Time to readjust her optic imbalance
So here at the mall her optometrist  catered
While I kept tripping on that crazy window display

Why was it so familiar
I knew I knew  
But had not a clue
Where why or how that motorized
Chunk of plastic oscillating there ...like...like....?

Next morn it was back to the routine
Of a now eight year old commute
25miles on the turnpike then 3 mile of side street
To the .....o.m.g.  It was sarge  at the mall
It was sarge that musta always waved ...... it was sarge
   That what I nicknamed him
Funny how you can miss something
And not know that it was gone
Until that moment of clarity
When suddenly it will dawn... upon...you
That you should have noticed a week ago.

There had been a time when the routine route
Had just become a part of my future
And he stood there waving like a mad king
In that small patch of green behind the chain link
Beneath the curving memosa limb
Leaning on the triangle leg of a kids swing
Comical the first week anoying me the next
But every day rain or shine he was there
Smiling as he waved --enthusiasm portrayed
On the round cherubic ageless down --syndrome face
Infectious as a yawn everyday his hand waggling
Back and forth, back and forth until a week ago
When he was gone. Just a worn down spot in the grass
So.... Today I shall make commuter history. By pulling over
I parked among the honking horns .the shaking fists
And walked along the lawn through the gate and to the door
When a lady laced with smells of cinnamon rolls and coffee
Opened the door and began to cry when I told her why
His name was Harold he prefered Harry 52 just 3 weeks ago
And thats as old as he will ever get. We had coffee and a roll
As she told me of his life and times and I said his waving
And his smile would be missed. By more than just me I did insist

That day I didn't go on to work I set off for the mall
Where I entered into that novelty gift store
Then I left with a package that contained some yellow plastic
A motor and a battery and I had splurged on a solar panel
Then I parked again where earlier I had been
On silent steps and unspeakable joy I mounted what I carried
To the leg of the swing directly in line with the worn down grass
Then I turned it on and watched that yellow hand wave
Waggling to beat the band just like Harry did .
When I knocked she answered with puffy eyes you can't disguise
So I wasn't sure as I pointed toward my tribute -manic and gaudy
I felt as though I had crossed a line till then I had denied
But then Harrys mother looked real close . then busted out laughing  till once again tears filled up and ran from her eyes
It  aint the same , nothing replaces but I see smiles each morning
As his audience of jaded commuters replace the driving faces
With entheusiastic smiles that lightens up the commuters  route
And all those endless miles.

Sally Ride Aladdin
Outside so long
Another loan and I grow up
Carl Definable i beam in ios
You got to ride up .
.if thats not you
cuz..i didnt want to run
Us and nobody.....
   ... beast in the bible
isn't it crazy about this talkin
so long as I can see that
Sally is on my mind
  is Jesus kind
Kind of Riley saying thank you all
Not just you baby...
That's your mother's latest local policy
So long till i see you at the Sonic
So I know that she's hooked on Tony Montana
Cuz I know I rode it once when I was 15
And then I broke down and cried at 7:15

As if from out of nowhere
Gnarled Twisted fingers
With jagged rusting fingernails
Reached out ... Grabbing me
Dragging me... Back
From going over the precipice

Stopping the headlong tumble
Into that deep dark echoless Abyss
At that critical moment
Of complete systems failure
When the call of the Void
Seems impossible to deny

Convinced
That falling through the darkness
Would seem as if I could fly
I sensed
The siren song was calling to me
As it had been all along

Just as I let Go ... Leaning in
Relinquishing control
Those wrinkled withered hands
With the Twisted gnarled fingers
And those rusted over fingernails
Pulled me back.... With
Strength  incomprehensible

Freeing a Sinister scream of agony
Pure pain and despair
Ripping out and splitting the air
As it rose up from the depths
Of that deep Darkness... that
Echoless void

Someone had reached out...
... To save me
So I turned to see who... it was
That had pulled me back
Wondering how it is...
... That they knew

There was no one there
Just the last fading remnants
Of a shadow on the wall
So I smile to the Fates
As I gather paper and pen
Making a note for my future
Lest I ever forget and Tumble back in

Then with withered and wrinkled hands
I Hold Steady to the notepad
With rusting fingernail adorned
Twisted and gnarled fingers
I begin
A whole different flight
As I begin to write

I know that someday
The walls that surround you
Will come tumbling down
      All around you
And you can be certain
That's when the curtain
Will rise up on the first act
The debut of a new play
That you've been rehearsing
One that noone has ever seen
     The actors are ready
    To see how steady
They can be-as they deliver
The performance of a future
    That's taken forever
    To get it all together
The scenery is authentic
The writing is so insightful
That it creates a delightful
Illusion of an intrusion
Into the personal lives
Of the actors themselves
As they pour out the words
That they had to memorize
Then they look with surprise
As they recognize -the disguise
That's been shielding
The very unwielding plot
That has come to the surface
Where it is now- gasping for air
           And aware
Of the mortality of any reality
That has been set loose
And exposed to the light
    Held up....as an example
Of just what can happen
When you sample the emulsion
    That you been trippin on
    Along with the beast
That's been secretly hiding
And has now been caught
     Along with the plot

Constantly in perpetual emotion
   Going around and around
Like a pinwheel-that's being
Held out the window- Of a car
On a highway-going somewhere
             In despair
Knowing that my way is taking me
In the opposite direction
As a means of protection
And having no need
    Of any type of correction
    BECAUSE..... the
Curtain has fallen down
     To surround....you
Like the walls that you built
That you once let crumble
Before the guilt that you felt
Reassembled all the pain
That has now been built
All the way around you...so
Close down the play
Send the actors away
The reversal cancelled
Any need of rehearsal.... So...
LET THE DARKNESS TAKE OVER THE NIGHT
LET THE DARKNESS TAKE OVER THE NIGHT
    Turn out the lights and close the doors
Knowing that somethings not right
About the way that you say
No emergency assistance is necessary
Once the curtain falls
And you make your way back
Back back Back back behind
Behind behind Behind
Behind your walls

If in your eyes I've begun to lose
A little bit of my luster
And you think you can crumble
The mortar from beneath my feet
With a feather duster
Just remember
Who put me up here
Who put me up here

I didn't say anything
Or ask anything at all
To make you want to put me
Up on a pedestal
But you did and you built it
A hundred foot tall
Its a hell of a.. hell of a...hell of a...fall
From perfect to human
In no time at all.

Reflected in the tin foil
Of  time lapse catatonic compressions
"I am the noble Hunter "
Hurdeling  the casualties of uncercumspect confessions
When civility becomes the unruly masterpiece
Of  a nobody candid  enough to verify That the ones who choose to vilify
By paying homage to the usurper
Who... By premeditated lies and false alibis
Seeks to mend that which no one can defend
By ubiquitous and precient endearment Seeking ...to corner the homecoming faculty
With the latest Mantra
Of intersecting idealistic
Yet unrealistic
Expectations
Of a nobody who seeks nobility
As time lapse catatonic compressions Reflected in that wrinkled tin foil
Civility reconstructed
As so many of those inducted
Become the casualties
Of uncircumspect confessions
Flickering impressions
Released in the latest psychiatric sessions
For I am the noble hunter
Idealistic yet unrealistic
In my expectations
But I think.... I think I'm getting better getting better

Was it the fitful dreams
Or maybe it was the annoying flies
Persistent in their touch and go
landings
On the tip of my nose ..that opened my eyes
To be met
With the reality
Of a pillow drenched with sweat
From my bedraggled saturated hair
As that may have been more the cause
That rousted me into this sweltering putrid air
Not even the ceiling fan was moving
As the power had been pulled 2... or
Oh... who knows....... a few days ago
Outside the grimy fly spect window I could see
The rainbow bedazzled sailboat sail
Gently moving across the placid aqua blue water
From up here on the second floor  
I could see the entire lake is it stretched away
To seamlessly blend with the baby blue sky

Closer in along the shoreline a dozen little kids at play
Content in their animated movement as they skittered about
All brightly dressed little 4 or 5 year olds
Reminding me of gumballs as they spilled out of a torn sack
Watching carefully were the parents or guardians
Posted in somnolent but  wary guard duty
Along the peremater wall of park benches

Along the bright green manicured ground
Brightly colored and abstract blankets
were scattered around
Where people sat or lay back
To watch the lazy movement of cotton fluff clouds tracking north

Standing there taking this all in
I noticed two dead flies that had crash-landed on the windowsill
Victims of that invisible barrier to freedom
Good I said to myself  out loud
As I hoped one was the kamikaze who woke me from the sleep into this
Although I had to admit the beauty
All that life - Love - happiness and fun
Was something special to see  for
certain
And I stood there sweat drenched
Overheated and overcome by the overwhelming desire to close the ****** curtain
So that's exactly what I did
And then lay back down with laced fingers behind my head
To stare at the ceiling and the fly that wandered around and around the  motionless ceiling fan blade
And I was ....
Powerless to do anything about it

Overhanging words
Reinforced for stability
Gives no viability
No consolation

Overstating the reality
Will not create any more viability
Than what crystallizes like frost
On the blades of winter morning grass

Stare too long at the image
And you will never notice it's gone
Until it no longer exists

So turn that evil inner eye
From the portrait painted
By the inner vision

Still that will not contain
The ever escaping pain
When a need to prove
Control...
... Of self-evaluation

Only proves that you are the Creator
That held check...
... On open channels
Seeking the tunnel vision of self...
... WHAT ?
Deniability?

Not a good trade I don't believe
For the path you were denied
By the paint by number artist
You became...
... And the way you fell victim
To your own false pride!

be
In
That
Among the woodland sounds abandon carefree
completely random
In those patterns that design
In those soft notes practiced fingers strum
Along the curves of an acoustic guitar or the body of a lover
Those are the places where dreams come from

Keith W Fletcher
Dec 1, 2016


An insatiable thirst
Quenched
By the flickering flames of change
As constant darkness
Opens up
To expose
The smiling faces........ arranged
In a ragged circle
As transmutation will
Click a quick tick
Time sets forth a measurement
And right then
Measurement becomes relevant

And the wall
Still and silent now
As it settles into the new place
Having moved backward......
Giving human spirit
A little more space
Nobody knew it right then
But space
Just got bent ..for the very first time

---------And GOD smiled---------

Coal carried the flame forward
Far beyond
Its original role
Iron became harder to tame
As they blend and bend
Creating and celebrating
The birth
Of the very first tool
And the wall slid back
Exposing a gap
In the continuum
As well as a broken chain
So GOD stepped in
Taking a chain in each hand
As to cover the span

Linking the past to the present
Creating a future
Where history will be amassed
To be categorized
Analized
Sorted and filed
And GOD held it all together
-------And again GOD smiled-------

That smile
Must have been
MAJESTIC
As GOD watched the intrepid airmen
Sail off the dune and fly toward the ocean
Taking a leap and an unfathomable chance
GOD may have laughed
As the slapstick unfolded
The two brothers laughing and whooping
As each does their version
Of a happy dance
To a whole new future -- to be
That they alone
Had the ability to see

It did change... quite magically
Unfolding like a roadmap
Inspiring technology
With each turn of the page

No smile could have been present
As fat man lumbered in
And little boy followed
Not too long after
And that guaranteed
The absence of smiles
-------The suppression of laughter------

TRAGIC

Still....
The wall slid backwards
By more than the QUOTA
The pattern expected
Considering the folly of man
Whose intelligence suddenly
Accelerating....so rapidly
That bit by bit
Humanity split

Religiously

Using a crutch
Saying its all just...
...TOO much
"If GOD wanted man to fly
GOD would have given us wings"

As others decry
"You spit in the eye
of. GOD who gave us the gift
of creativity
Intelligence and tenacity---
--maybe a bit of bombastity

All fathers want their children
To excel
So shouldn't that be true
For GODS children as well?

That wall is not to be breached
Circumnavigated
Undermined or climbed
We will never realize
The height necessary
To rise above the lofty wall
To see the sacred sights
Where GOD delights
In teasing us
Bit by bit
Inch by inch
Allowing us
To push the wall forward

Encouraging us to learn as we grow
As you know
We would have never  moved forward
Beyond the doubts of those
Who say that we're playing GOD
Then... burying their heads in the sand
Dooming us to crawl
Instead of proudly walking tall

If GOD didn't encourage those  children
By stepping back
And smiling upon us
As we seek to find wisdom
Just as we need it

We take pride in pushing ahead
As if we..... somehow
Actually did it...
... On our own
Managing ...to move that wall
----And that has to give...

...GOD

The biggest laugh of all !!

Tuesday, September 26, 2017
6:26 PM

Poetry 2017


You never know

No doubt exists that I was not
The only one who was able to resist
For as long as I did
And to escape venturing into the web world ...
..with all its problems and benefits
I would be remiss
If I did miss
the opportunity to say that it has been a blessing and a curse
But it could definitely be worse
So whether I like it or not I've been on the web....
... for probably 10 years or more without
wanting to be....wishing to be ..or needing to be .. and it used to like make me angry
I guess as they say nothing ever leaves the  web
So...yes!

yes it was a Day to Remember
while we were playing softball
a lot of these 30 year old kids
And I was out in left field

I was actually bored
And
somewhat moored
to the spot I had been since ...My ok.. who knows when ...then
I heard that crack ...of the bat
As it caught a good purchase on the ball
and it was suddenly sailing over my head like a congressional junket going to look at a disaster zone .
Unfortunately for me and my frozen
, somewhat dozin'... knees  
We were not syronized ...

...,which I only realized after ...just after!
Yes I do realize I stepped into the lime!ight to tell the tale
But it is  my prerogativte to take my time
As well!
Not all that easy to bare your soul
to just let go
Standing metophorically naked
before the world
And talk about that day... when
It was not metaphoric

Within 10 measly seconds...
... from hearing that bat crack
Seeing the ball go sailing off over my head
and starting to run
In a race to see who would give in first

Me or my poor knee...which one doesn't matter
As I'm pretty sure had one gone...!
it was taking the other along
As well as me !
With the whole support team that managed
Barely at times
To keep me upright and steady.

10 measly seconds !

I'm sure the sound of that crack still rang in my ears
When I found myself being hurled...
...up and over that 4 foot chain link fence

Well ...almost over.!

10 second from crack to crack

As the twisted little demon Barb's atop this ...
...this monsterous mangeler of blue jeans
That allowed me to clear enough at that
That final second of that inevetabe conclusion time

As it appears across the mindscreen in full living color
You know that tune and I'm sure at least once
In every adult person's life
Everyone has had to dance to it's tune
Sometimes the rosy vision... was
the outcome and sometimes ...
well hell ...it happens!

So that day my mind was all in
" Gonna win ..gonna win ..please !!!
But the message apparantly failed to inform my knees
Because just as I went to leap -Superman style- over that fence
They decided to chuck it and by that I mean they said " oh F* it!

And me !
I come so close to success ...before
it all became a life-changing mess
I suddenly found I was hanging upside down
,slung across the fence top !ike a wet beach towel across the back of a lawn recliner
my hair was touching the ground
my *** crack smiled a croeeoked sideways grin at all 40 or 50 people
who had come to watch the game

So who could ever find  blame
For my sudden sense of panic as I tried to extracateate myself
Without taking a second to examine my SELF
I myself grabbed two ground level hands full of chainlink fence
As I stared  through it
realizing there were kids up there as well
And as I tried to pull my other half along with where ever I was going  
Then
 finding that around the equator
I was being threatened by those twisted barb's

Was..... is the very oppropriate word here
because I definitely made it worse

A few seconds of calm and cool reflection
would have offered me protection  
And whats the harm of letting an old friend  
See a friends naked crack
as they would have carefully
eased me back onto the infield side

I would have lost a little pride
taken all jokes in stride
as they would tease and deride

After all what's a friend for if a bare *** can come between
But now as I was screaming and bleeding and screaming ****** ******
An exposed bare **** is nothing
compared to what!?
when it's a schiscabobbed ...uh.. that coming between us

Not that I lay- now or even then -
any blame

As I would have done the same
Were I not the the one kicking and bleeding and making it worse
As I kicked and wiggle and dragged out every lifetime learned curse
The little blame I can actually place on them
Would be...
For not calling 911 a little soonerI think
Because people being people
And as  they always want to tell you the card to play
Even when they know the game you play is called soltary
Annoy the game a second or two and move on is
not a big deal I'd say
But as the hesitation time grew long
with all the confusion ..panic and pain
A crowd grew up to add advice ..okay
kinda nice...but a few
Just had to examine
But i was mortified when
without an if you please
a few got down and started taking selfies

parametics arrived and came to my defense haha
I can laugh about it now
but up to that point in my life
I thought...

I thought  that I had thick skin .
You know what  mean !
That is ...
Until the first time I saw those selfies appearing on FB..then all the crap I got was ...!

Oh I know it's out there somewhere ..lurking in the memory banks of the web or cloud
But
For a while
my discomfort seemed to draw a crowd
who had to show me what someone had made and put on the web..all the while
dishing out all the usual advice and telling me
it really wasnt allowed

But my little buddy had found a neich....
and for about 3 yrs that's where it stayed

I have to admit now...
after over ten years since I've seen any activity
On the web
That the human animal
has a weird streak and needs to have their fun
But sometimes it was hard to take
As  they had way too much time and creativity
It was when.  
Some joker added
about 8 foot of extention and was was enabeling it to move around  on the ground
Like a snake ...now that's wrong and that ....
arteest was really twisted
...That I began to wonder if
It would ever end!
....
Oh well! I survived

And all is well in the mortal sense .
In the ensuing 13 yrs .
I've not heard anyone say anything ..
Not in almost 10 years .!.but I have had my fears
Because I have kids now
Five yrs and eight and like they always say ..
Nothing on the web will ever go away
! sooner or later it will raise it's ugl ly he...y!
I've always wondered and worried about that day

So 3 yrs ago I got my first computer and smart phone
Took a night class after trying to figure it all out on my own
And if it's ever gonna come back to haunt me and taunt me or my kids
I'll be able to explain or evade or block or have it removed ,but why ?

What I've now seen out there in the wild wild web is.. well my ...
...emergency
That's what it was .
So..
.that's what I'll say is the truth
And that it isn't even applicable

So I have now decided I will not even try to deny
The fact ,the existence or the truth ..about that..
or any other thing out there ..
In the wild wild web!

Because you see
I had to grow into  that knowledge...
The very fact that you never know

A year ago my wife was killed in a sudden and unexpected way
By a blood clot after a four hour flight delay ..that's what they say .
A thousand miles away and the weather... the kids.   nothing  I could do but be a dad
Wait for the people who do their jobs
working out all the details
as I try to gently soften what was going to be bad

A week after the internment I took the suitcase off the bed
Wondering if I could sleep in it again
or back to the recliner where I had been...
instead
For pure reasons of distracting
I spent some time ..a lot of time unpacking
As I put her things away

The dresses I hung with lingering care
in that part of the closet where
she had claimed dominion

The shoes in the boxes and neatly stacked.....
just the way she would have done it

All the assundries I sat back into that overcrowded and complex
array
on the bathroom vanity

Her cell phone and tablet I simply slipped into the top bureau drawer
It was where she tried
(  Laughingly  )
It was her attempt at keeping it away from
our then 5 year old son.

But he and Amelia each had their own
fully operational from day one
but that honor
Came with the promise
that they would ask me first
and always ask about
what they see or hear

So it sat there in her drawer for over two years and would have stayed forever... if

If I had not backed over mine last Saturday morning .  
I dicided it was important that I'm accessable for the kids
And we would have had the same basic apps and ...okay games
She used her for work a lot so I knew it would not ...have been
All that valuable to me.  
In ...
the way it was
and I was not...at all
ready for change ...yet!

Then, just about 30 minutes ago
when I suddenly pulled into this parking lot and... ....well!
I'll just make it real simple ....the first thing that happened after it charged up and I turned it on
Was this...
It  started playing the 4 songs we sang ...tegether at a karioke bar the night before
she flew to Maine

And after they finished
her sweet .lovely voice started talking to me
as if...
... we were in our kitchen or living room!
And it was..
... within the first 10 seconds
of hearing her speak
I felt my composure crack !

She said ..
,
I've talked to you Jack every free moment I get when I'm away
for all the years we've been together

And filed it in compressed form for you and the kids ..just because .
..
..you never know..
but I want you to know this.
I hope that hearing me speak to you it's like I'm there
And talking to you
Like I do makes it seem like you are always here
So...
It's in a file you will find that's named ...
My forever love
.
So...yeah!
It's a crazy wild wild web world out there... but you know ...sometimes good appears just because .because you never know !!

People often think
By The Poetry that I write
That I live in a dark place
Devoid of warmth or light
Though there is no basis in reality or fact
I think I'm just stepping in or out
Depending on your own point of View
Breathing in any dank air to empathize with the doubt
So rarely do I reflect so Direct
As to aim  at the poet
Who I hang around
Like a torn and tattered raincoat
Maybe not the most beautiful
But it's the best one I've ever found
For it tells my story like a painting or a book

Allowing me to recognize those eyes
That can't hide their first opinion
That feeds my poets poetic fires- so they get the job -- I do the work
Where I only seek to raise my own standards
Not to bring anyone else down to size
If the elevation lifts my spirit
While their own opinion is a tether
Not allowing them to rise

So if the shadow of a shadow in Twilight
Is ever visited by a bright star of pure honesty
Then the poet gleams until it seems
Like I become pristine
So bright  becomes the poets light
The holes still do exist in all reality
They're just harder for some to see

By no means does that deny
Any imperfections or my own personal flaws
It's the poet in me that gets the Inspirations
From Bright Lights - Shadow Sprites Coming to the poets cause
That wander in every now and then
Bringing fresh air - blowing away that which is stale
So lovely one  I want you to know - you're fresh air and a gentle breeze
Who has moved me in immeasurable ways - by putting life back
Into my once sagging sails

I'm a bit .....overwhelmed
And I had no way of knowing
I put my nickel down
And the PEERS started flowing

Suddenly
It seemed to me...that I had
Hit the motherlode

Every heart sent and every poem read
Is worth more than gold to me
As the honesty sparkles like diamonds
        With every word you've said

So if you would indulge me -my ramblings
While I WANT to stay awake this night
To answer all
Alas I've hit the wall

My brain and my eyelids are having
One heck of a fight

One thing I WILL not do
For love , money or fame
Is rush through the precious words
That you've given life to
Your babies

So in closing --my eyes closing--
Becoming one with the night
I want to say...that I have been welcomed
As a new kid(old man)
Onto this site(i love it here) onto your block

Much  like when I was a youngster
And the cool looking dude said
"Hey kid  You wanna play?"

"ME ?  SURE!  THANKS.)
And so I .......put my nickel down.     HELLO.
THANK YOU ELIOT YORK.

Nobody lives
In the Here and Now
We live in a past
As it rips and trips
It's way
Through a future
Like an arrow through air
Never actually existing
In any absolute
Parameter
Of space or time
Hurtling through
The ever-present
Modulating waves
Of the eminent existence

Like the  waves
Of water of an ocean
Upon meeting its own
Inevitable resistance.   
 Zone  
The  rocky shores up ahead

With nowhere to continue
Falling back
In futile retreat
Absorbed
Battered
By a past
Catching up at last

As the once
Forward-thinking
Now..... Ever  shrinking
Mind
Of the actual
Factual
Suddenly reactional
Mortal
Who's
Primal human thoughts
That were
In the millionth
Of a millionth of a billionth
Of  a second
scattered
When they were splattered
Upon
Slamming headlong
Into the time wall of Eternity
Like the seawall of an ocean where the Timeless spirit lives
Spinning out Reams and reams of time to be flung
Blown Away in the nothingness
Smiling as it works
time and time
Forevermore
listening to the past
As it
crashing upon the shore

Looking for an more dignified
way to commit suicide
one that won't be so
much a mess
I can shoot myself
I might miss
and if I didn't it would still
Leave a mess and I guess
really isn't very dignified so ...
    ...I could leap out
in front of some moving car
but then again
I don't know who those people are
it may cause them to have a wreck
Either way What or how the heck
Could any of that be dignified
To ruin somebody else's life
would not ever be dignified
I guess I could take a lot of drugs overdose but who knows
I might just end up going out
and have a good time
To wake up the next day
find out that you were
the life of the party ...and that
everybody had a great time
Though i haven't a clue
What party where'" I went to...?"
No clue who Sent the message
I got 46 friend requests
And 17 new friends...OH no!
Thats not something you do
just before you want it all to end
Thats definitely undignifying
I guess I could leap off
Some tall building enjoy the ride all the way down unless of course you look and see  down  below something you couldn't know
A older lady getting out of the car
Or a nanny with a baby carriage you know youve gone way too far cant  stop now and you know
cannot change your direction so..
NO!
...that's not a very good selection
And definitely not to be considered dignified
I guess I could go jump in the lake drown myself since I cannot swim not very well at least but ohhhhh
would be one easy way
but then again I can say I've seen
those people they finally dredge up
All bloated white and sickly green.. ...no way  is that dignified
I guess I could try to hang myself but then again that might to lead to something else
if I didn't die I might just try
to figure out how to do it again
Because it was sort of ****** fun
Ive seen those people on tv news
Live or die that's not the one one
Found like that can't be  dignified
I just about run out of ways
to think about how I could do it
I guess I really always knew
.....all along what was really true
there's nothing dignified
about suicide ever...unless maybe if you were to leap onto
a live grenade in order to save every one around you or if you
were to step in front of a bullet run out into traffic in order to push someone out of the way
I can say
it's true that in a sense
it would be suicidal
In its own way because you chose to do what you did
but any of those circumstances messy or not you died with pride and that  will always be...
....dignified . But not suicide.

My eyes seem to reluctantly open
To an emptiness beside me in bed
Too long she's been gone... As are those smiles we shared
As happily we greeted each dawn

In two lonely days it's the 14th
Valentine's Day on my mind
As I seek in silver tinged memries
For a smile that I now can't seem to find

I know that she'd smile as she scolded
With those emerald green eyes
I've known so well
That never seemed to lose their power
To pull me in and under their spell

Suddenly I hear in my head ... her voice starts speaking
Those words it's not hard to imagine her say
Come on lazy bones get out of that bed
Or you can make it up and I'll make the coffee instead

Then just as if she were actually here
My feet hit the floor as I raced out the door
In order to make it perfectly clear
To push the on switch like the thousands of times... That    I've  
    done      before

Then retracing my steps as a
grimacing smile pulls at my lips
I fluff and I squeeze pillows and spread covers with care
Happily doing what she could never get me to do
In my mind I happily find it's something that we now share

These last 30 days my mind seems to glaze
With all the empty space I must now fill
Along with the loneliness I have to endure
Can't get used to it and never will

So I set myself down at the table
Sugar to sweeten my coffee and more than just a dollop of cream
I need something to help me find pleasure
Even then I could hear her talking to me... as if I were having a dream

Is that what you've been doing here while I've been gone
Slowly I spun my head to look behind me
There she stood  with her suitcase in hand
We finished the project early -  and I really needed to be home she said
But I couldn't stop sitting there staring in wonder
Besides she said as she cradled my head
I couldn't stand the idea of  us spending Valentine's Day alone
But my mind was gone... empty of thought
Flung into the High Heavens... not even missed
From the moment she leaned over  reconnecting our hearts... as we kissed.

I missed you ...so much we said !

My body burns
From the trail you left
As you blazed your way
Across my soul
Creating a roadmap of  
All the places you've been
All the parts of me that you know
Allowing me the knowledge
That I've pulled myself together
Complete ... making myself whole
While my body burns with the  passion Causing  my soul to glow
From the warmth of your smile
That will always warm my heart

We passed along the trail
My little boy and me
And as we made our way along
To where his friends would be
As he kicked his step extra hard
Trying to keep up with my pace
And I glanced down without him seeing
The smile creeping up on my face
Up ahead paradise loomed
In the form of merry- go-rounds and swings
And the fantasy land such as these
To a child mind brings
I felt the fingers straining
Wanted to be racing  up ahead
So just to be a little rascal
I hold on just a second longer
Till I felt his gaze fall on me
I said "it's alright...go ahead"
I watched my little boy five......and a half
Musn't  forget that as if he'd ever let
So I sat down on this bench watching
It was a place as familiar as
The ever growing creases in my face
Living my childhood over vicariously
Through the eyes of my little boy
Dad and I used to come here
So many years and lives ago
And he would sit on this very bench
While on top of the slide I would be
Beating back lions or tigers below
Maybe pirates whatever I created
Right up to my  preteen years
Then I did what my little boy
Will do someday. a parents greatest fear
They grow up
I can remember like yesterday
As dad and I would start for home
We would pass by the water fountain
I would try without success day after day
Dad would lift me up that mountain
So now that had become a little routine
We go through now two generations so far
Dad would say "what do you want to do son ?"
As we were  traveling that sidewalk
Approaching The fountain as I would say
"Dad I want a drink of cold water from that spring"
"But son," he'd say "that's so high up on that mountain"
And my son will say just as I used to say
"Someday dad you won't have to hold me up
that mountain cause I'll climb it on my own."
Now its become a little routine
"Why would you want to climb way up there? "
I would say "gotta do it today
It may not be here to stay
Nothing lasts forever .....never know when..
It will be too late"

"HEY DAD " I yelled as I came running in
Shredded envelope floating around my head
Like some crazy parade float
In a ticket tape parade -as I read
"You've been accepted ..... Its the college I wanted
Ain't that great dad .. Ain't it GREAT DAD?"
"Yeah it is son but why do you want to go so far away?"
"Gotta go ..go now ..tomorrow may be too late
Nothing lasts forever... No really Dad ain't it great?"

First time I told my wife ..."Hey hon
Look what I've  got here in my hand"
"Whats that"s ?" she asked
Asked as I held two tickets half hidden
"Its two tickets to Hawaii three weeks of sun and sand"
She stopped dusting--turning so quickly
A little cloud of dust swirled around her head
She said"WHY....." as a smile replaced
Any words she might have said
"They say the oceans are rising
So we better go now and not wait
Nothing lasts forever--another year ..it may be too late"

"Hey DAD. Are you ready?"
As I yanked myself back from the past
My little boy stood before me
"Oh .yeah. I'm ready. Did you have fun son?"
As he turned to look back at the swings
And whatever it may be he saw
A smile grew along his face as he said
"Oh yeah dad .....
....l went around the whole world?"
"Really !  That's a lot to do in one day"
"Yeah I know dad ..but nothin lasts forever
Tomorrow it might all be gone
Nothing is here to stay dad"
Thats right son I said tryin' not to cry
So proud of what I just witnessed as a tear..
...Escaped my eye
"You ready to go climb that mountain
And get a nice cold drink?"
He took my hand-as one
we passed through that land
Toward that magic mountain my boy
Was just beginning to grow
in body,soul and mind
As I just got a glimpse of his humor
his faith and his glory
As he put all together-as I  watch
him learning to think

When our babysitter showed up that evening
And then my wife looked into the den
"Hey there ...are you ready to go?"
She was dressed for a very special evening
As was I but being a man I had been done for a while
So since then I had been ...sitting here in my den
Letting the day I had wash across me like a soft wind
There a reason women take longer
"Oh my god" I said "you.. Absolutely beautiful"
Taking her in my arms "Where are we going again?"
A playful laugh "To the play and a late dinner...
Is your tux or tie too tight..cutting off blood to your head.?
If you don't feel like going...its alright
Whatever you want to do is fine with me"
And I saw her searching my eyes....
....As she instinctively understood
"Well... If you don't mind I'd trip up to 'MOUNT FOUNTAIN'
Its been awhile since I've seen dads smile"
And in perfect harmony we said

"NOTHING LASTS FOREVER ..YOU NEVER KNOW....
WHEN IT WILL BE TOO LATE"

Just had a long talk
With someone I can't really say
I always get along with
To be perfectly honest
I really didn't like what I heard
As some of my beliefs turned myth
I guess it goes both ways
As I'm sure I failed the test
As to just where arrogance really ends
So as  we rolled and punched
Dancing. around creating a show
Knowing a cut too deep is a wound that never mends

So I realized  That I am a chicken
The Cowardly Lion without a heart
as time after time I will fail
As  time and opportunity meet
A greeting card has more honor
Then the blank sheets of paper left along the trail
That I tried to fold into some amazing origami

I can picture but can't produce
Confident that I really am trying to
Become  as honest as I say I am
That was
Until the conversation I just had
I came away knowing
That  I'm a liar
The chicken-hearted
Cheater of the dear departed
Now back-stepping
As if to get back where it all started

But there's no do-overs
No wishing wishes would come true
No one to blame but the you
That you've unlisted
No one in the mirror except the you
That you've insisted
Isn't you
Saying that there are things in life you say
And there are things you never say
Those things you want to say.  
Or the things you need to say  
Then allowing ourselves to put them away
For another day
It's those things we have to say ...must say
That can take part of our humanity away.
So you see.....
..... I am a coward....
a chicken hearted
Soon to be discarded
Bag of desiccated skin and bones
Because I had time to do the right thing but instead I let it pass ... let it pass
So I wish I had never had that talk  
So I'm about to stop and move away
From this conversation
That I've been having with myself
I don't really care what I have to say
Okay I lied I do care ..
.And I was right when I said
I had things I need to share
Need to say ......and need to say....
..TODAY
Because if I wait.... if I.... hesitate
To tell those that I love
Exactly how I feel
At first the words may seem a bit unrealistic
But the pains would be just way too real way way way too real

How important was it
That makes you say it wasn't
Not that it makes any difference
It does but you say that it doesn't
When will we stop running
When we see there's no road
And when will we admit
The burden we carry is a load

Of crap
Take that
Step back
Doormat
At your feet
Doesn't mean
That the door exists
Or if it does
The key won't just twist
Around and around
Like the very sound
I hear
When we try communicating
Tainted with frustration
All in an attempt
To keep a  relation.....ship
From just passing in the night

So how important was it
That made you say it wasn't ?

Ropes are an arbitrary constituent of
My often meandering campaign of self-sufficiency
Where often times I find myself wondering
If I were elected or selected for my role as the dejected

So the sudden appearance
Of this length of rope
Attached somewhere up above in obscurity
To dangle before me as innocently as a kids swing
Or as menacingly inviting as a 13 Loop hangman's noose

Timing is often the real hero
Or culprit
Of any grand production
Whether on the stage or in the simple act
Of oneself coming of age

With open eyes as I taste the lies
That had become so familiar to the script
That I never even trip
As the words  would slip
Lifeless and indistinguishable
From my hapless lip

There was a time as I wandered
Around the cracked and worn down
Asphalt parking lot in my mind
Seeking a parking spot and often finding
Naught- as once again the daily spin
Had ushered in
That loud and obnoxiously redundant crowd
Of oxygen-dependent hypocrites
That look and sound and think
Just like me

That then is the point where I begin
To accept that no parking spot exists
As I make the endless loops and twists
Assuming that I can convince myself
It's just my bad luck
To be looking left- as I drove right by
What obviously I must have missed

LIE... an absolute  lie !!

Right there in front of me like a flashing Neon traffic cone
So even if I close my eyes
To pretend that I don't recognize and realize
Its very existence
But I know and I saw  and I heard
It all... The very second that it occurred
As the blinding flash so intense
As to make me wince
As it penetrates my fragile human eyelids

I am there
So disengaging  the  useless gear
Setting the brake... For my stranded
Almost abandoned
Soul's sake

Killing the ignition as a form of contrition
Open the door and take the key... As if it were a part of me
Wondering what was the reason for
Being that a crowd of me
Would actually steal anything from myself
Wait a minute...
... I've already been doing that. A lot
A whole parking lot

I cannot stay here among the throng
For very long
Reminding me of just how wrong
A man can really be

I need to walk and walk
Let my inner voice and my fragile shell
Have a long past due talk
As a way to maybe break the spell '
So with a swift  backward glance
Gave to me that welcome chance....
... To see
That this was my lot in life
Where what I was leaving behind
was in fact...
Right there- right where it belonged Parked in the very parking spot
I had been looking for
That that I had had all along all along

A crowded mind
Makes it extremely hard to find
The power in taking the lead...
By helping out
That part of yourself that sometimes goes blind

There is not an easy fix or magic tricks
Or any color wax to fill in all the nicks
No school books or rule books
No tools hidden in some obscure nooks
That the ID or the EGO somehow always overlooks

So with wide open eyes
as
I'm walking
in circles
Endless circles
So when that rope materialized
Weary to the bone I'm so dreadfully tired

As if in quicksand I were mired

And so concerned
About the way my directions had turned
I continued determinedly onward
To work out the kinks and find the weak links

   Determined to identify
 As I learn to rely
On my ability to accept
That
To try is to try
Only I will ever know
The depth of that turn
Or the heights of my concern
Or when
I yanked myself
Back up to the surface

The circles that I now walk
Knowing that I have not a single clue
Where or which way I'm going
No sign posts or  monuments to mark the horizon

I'm noticing
That these circles as
I hold on to this rope
ARE
Getting smaller as to shorten the distance
Between the times I wallow in
The incendiary and intrusive and abusive
As the future will be
Filled with those inconclusive reasons why
Across this path over and over and over again
With increasingly diminishing respite

No loss is ever absolute if the resolute
Soul of man can accept that there's  always
A plan when looking with more than just eyes
While hearing with more than just the ears
Believing what was heard is more than just word upon word
Hope is as i am now at the crossroads of hope
A sunny  field of dew - tinged flowers

As that rope has led me down to simple single turns
Each time completing a circle
No slack left
But I am far far from bereft
As I am now aware of where
I am
The end of the rope
And therefore out of Hope?
Nope !!

' I exist  at the U turn
The New Direction
The ever-expanding revelations
The lengthening and strengthening of my path
And able now to see my false trail end

So with key in hand
I  reverse course and with no remorse
I'm going back to that spot
In that now empty parking lot
Marveling at that now pristine silence
So now we have a much lighter load
I turn the key put my life in gear
And get back out on the road

Oh how I love a good road trip

I feel lost
Like I've been caught in a riptide
Tumbling over and over
Unable to breath-to hear
Trying desperately to see

Feeling a crushing pressure
On my chest
A panicky desire to breath
To breath   to breath
But somewhere inside me
There is .......
A small soothing voice
Saying
" Not yet.....not yet...not yet"

Relax...let it roll
Relax...let it go
Relax...pretending you don't care
Relax relax ......relax
Float up and free...
Emerge......NOW!
Now breath.....Breath in the fresh air
Okay- I'm floating
FLOATING

But I'm still lost
Out in this vast ocean
Far away
From the security of the beach
I can see ...I can hear
What I've been missing
Now it seems
So far out of reach

Should I wait ....in hopes of rescue?
Or should I swim.....
....towards the shore?
Do I even know if it's where
I might have come from?
Is it somewhere I've never been before?

I'm not lost...am I
If I can see a landmark?
I'm not lost if it seems familiar
I'm not lost...if I just float here...
...just where I am?
Having just now....managed...to surface
Coming up to breath some air....so
I'll take a little time...to enjoy
The choices
That I now have ahead of me

Now.....
That..I'm on top
Now ....
That I'm floating
Now that I'm there ...where...
I can get that first...
....glorious
Gasping ....rasping...grasping
Everlasting...
First....breath...of fresh
FREE .....LIFEGIVING....BEAUTIFUL
WONDERFUL AIR

So now breathe and believe!
Breathe.. breathe ...Breathe
You have plenty of time
One breath
One breath at a time
One breath
One breath at a time...so .....breathe.

It took a lifetime to become    
The person that you see  so..
. I wish I had a way to know    
Just how far you had to go
To find a way
   For you to be    
Even slightly    
Satisfied with the strange reality  
That turned out....       .
...Once you got past
A little bit of the doubt      
Finding a way..to..Look...past    
The strange shadow
That I've always cast        
And see that...there may be      
someone
Worth a second chance / a second glance      
You might even have had to go so far
As to create a whole new
                Overview!                        
So I have to applaud you
For the hard times
That you've gotten through    
Putting up...with the likes of me ! 
It wasn't like I tried ....
...to be
A thorn in your side  
  I've just been different
Than all the others that you raised        
So we banged our heads together  
As we .......   
Tried to understand each other      
I hope I never neglected to show you
That I always respected you..
...For all the things that you believe    
I  just   had   to   go.  on a search
And it took me away from the church    
But it never took me away  
...so far
That I couldn't or wouldn't
Hear the word

"I never denied
That  JESUS CHRIST is my savior'
  Or that he died ... 
...For the likes of me ! "     
That is to the credit of the love
That you've shared    
Even when I made it hard
And you were scared
That I'd end up scarred    
By the evils of the world    
I want you to know
That wherever I go
Whatever I do      
All the good
That resides in the.. likes of me  
Comes from the love that you
And the LORD above    
Have always shared with...  
...the likes of me
      So I want you to know
That it's takin a lifetime
To become the person that you see    
Although I don't fit into any mold
I know that you've always had...  
...good or bad  
Unwavering faith in me    
So I'll do my best to join you    
In that city on the hill    
Following your path
Avoiding GODS wrath
By always  
Doing HIS will.

I tried to
Hold on to you
When I saw
I couldn't stop ... What you were going through

Time does not
Heal a whole lot
Of all those things ..that get caught
In those memories that we never wanted to forget

They are all so
Caught up in that flow
So all I really know
Is that we keep it all or we let it all go

     Let it all go......

So do you think
We might cease to sink
If I hold onto you so tight and never blink
Because...I fear if I take my eyes off you ...you will disappear

Now I see that I
Am reflected in your eye
So yes yes yes I want to try
To see that gleam in your eye
that for so long now...
I havent seen

It tells me that you are willing
To let the past go ...to flow
Away down that lonesome stream
As we stood there on the bank
I wait to fill in that first new blank

Slowly I see you begin to smile
I keep watching and after a while
Your eyes began to dance ..and I
I had to ...had to laugh out loud
          At the wonder of the fates

That had
Brought us...to this place
At this particular time
When we knew we could
Let it all go ...to be erased

Lost you once before
And the reality of that fact
Took me so far away from shore
To leave me ...is to leave me
Drowning in the sea... of misery

Hey dear! I see you there
As I hope you see me here
It matters not to me where we go from here
As long as you too want to be there

   For me...

That much is crystal clear

So as we let the past just fall away
Starting all over..fresh and new
And yes I see your smile and your dancing blue eyes

Love always lives ....
.....if hope never dies .

I'm On the border
Of insanity
Peering into the void
Of infinity
Wondering. what  is  to be
My destiny

Distant rider on the open range
I see him clearly - I feel so strange
Vision circle inside
And it seems... that
I am along for the ride

Restless Rider
Death Defier
Always on the run
Mystifier
With a deep desire
To outshine the Sun

His race... Has just... Begun
Jump the gun...
Jump the gun... Jump the gun

Trails of dust in the desert sky
Fire eyed riders going by
Shut the door... **** the lights
There's a devil on the run tonight

Riding hard ... through
The scattered debris
Picking up the pieces
Of what is left...
... Of my sanity

Hoofbeat echos shatter my sanity
I look in the mirror...
... I look in the mirror
And I see
What is to be
My Destiny

I'm On the Border
Of insanity
Peering into the void
Of Infinity
Wondering what is to be
My destiny

Have we become
So OBdurate
As to believe
Only by OBedience
Can we create
A future

Therefore all must be
OBedient servants ?
Encouraged
To OBey
Those visionaries
Who show
Through
An OBsfugated vision
Fraudulant validation
By an
OBiterdictum decree

"The OBjective
tolerates no OBjections !"

OBjugation
By those convinced
OBliging ...
Is an OBligation
Without any thought
To the OBlique they seek
To completely
OBliterate

Somehow convinced
OBlivion....
Complete OBliteration
Will heal this nation
OBlivious
To the fact
That this
OBlong view of history
And how often
We've seen this OBloquy
Cast it's shadow across nations
When OBnoxious
And OBscene inhuman beings
OBscurantist regimes
Lead their people
From OBscure into OBscurity

Wherein massive OBsequies
Are ever present
As are the OBsequious
Willing patrons
OBservable by
The  nature of their ignorance

As they believe OBservance
And being an OBservant
Faithful Compatriot
Is equivalent to OBservation

Where in reality
Their darkness... so complete
They could no longer
See...the light and glory
Of the stars
From an OBservatory

Following the OBsessions
Of the exaulted Leader
They come to OBsess
Compelled
To seek and destroy
Dissenters and freethinkers
Who are to be made OBsolete

By their very existance
They are  
Considered OBstacles
OBstinate non- conformists
With OBstreperous
OBstructionist agendas
Seeking to reverse course
By their Obtuse views ...
And philosophies
Believing that the Obverse
Must be seen

Or a time will come
When total OBviation
To save this nation
Becomes....
...all too...
.....OBVIOUS !!