I could try every possible way to justify my sadness to you.
But it still wouldn't make sense because the only way anyone who doesn't already feel this way can see it is, as
              attention-seeking.

No combination of 26 letters is gonna be able to encompass it.
And I could tell you how I'm feeling

but sad is really mild.

You have no idea  how it feels to simply be walking home then suddenly start hating yourself and knowing that
                         this is it
                                        this is how it is
                                                                    and nothing
                                                                                              is gonna change that.

You won't be able to comprehend how much misdirected hate there is everywhere when in actuality it's an individual causing it.
And I know you believe that I'm driving myself into this state because you believe I feel unloved or unappreciated... but it runs so much deeper. So so much deeper.

It's like...
                not feeling safe and comfortable within yourself
                It's like...
                                looking out of a tiny hole in a box because you're not like the other kids
                                You see things differently but you try.
                                                                                   You try to fit in.
                                                                                   You try to smile
                                                                                                               and be happy
                                                                                                                                       and laugh
                                                           and find joy in the littlest things.

        And yet, it isn't real.
                                                           It's all forced because you have to try, to feel that way.

                                        For most people it comes naturally.

Trying to explain to you why I feel the way I feel, could end up to be a string of gibberish lined up to sound nice but
                             at the end of the day it's really simple:
                                                                                                                       I hate myself

                                    I know I shouldn't and I know
                                    I'm not a killer or a ****** or a
                                    thief... but I hate myself.


                                                                                                      And that is it.

I'm sorry that I freak out
over things that I should just talk to you about.
I'm not used to someone liking me
this much
or being treated
this well.
I guess I'm trying to find some way
that you're just like every other guy
I've been with
and that's not okay.

Alright, world. It's time to get down to business. It's time to start caring about things that matter again. So take your mind away from all the trivial, superficial things and thing about the important things that change the entire dynamic of global society. I had a class last semester about Marx, Nietzsche and Freud. Those men amaze me. There was a time where there were people like Karl Marx trying to change the world. Forget whether you agree or disagree with his opinions. Whether he was right or wrong, he was convicted. It was his true beliefs. If you don't understand what I'm trying to say, think of Adolf ******. Some people agreed with beliefs of ******, some people didn't. People to this day are still agreeing and disagreeing with the beliefs of ******. Forget about all that. Even he, someone who was considered an awful man, did something. He tried to change the world. Yes, maybe he ended up changing the world for the worse, but the point is that in HIS MIND, he thought he was changing it for good. And after the existance of these people, all that stuff just... stopped. Who do we hear of nowadays who's trying to change the world (regardless of the outcome)? NOBODY. And the people who are doing things to change the world, nobody gives a **** about because people are too entranced with the more important things like What Not to Wear, the Kardashians, Honey Boo-Boo, and people being famous cake-makers. How many great philosophers, poets, psychologists who really care about the public do we hear around in this era? None! Of the few people who do try to make a difference in the world, none of them get recognized. Well, that is besides those celebrities who ***** a school in Africa because it's a good photo opportunity. I want nothing more than to even do the tiniest thing in my life that will make even a slight impact on the world; write a book, publish a philosophical transcript, but I'm starting to feel like there isn't even a point in doing so anymore because despite my efforts, in this shallow society, nobody would even take a glance.

Tell them about the time you spent your day looking for a rock to live under, tell them how your soul seeks an understanding that is nowhere to be seen in his eyes.
Tell them about the time you stuttered while talking to the guests your mum invited
How you kept wanting to say sorry cause that Is the only emotion you ever feel these days
Tell them about the time you laid on your bed all alone
Seeing nightmares with open eyes
Tell them how everyone that left and everything you love
Comes back to haunt you every night
Tell me how you stopped talking to your friends
To avoid their snap out of its
Tell them about that one time your teacher asked you where do you see yourself in 10 years and
You imagined yourself rotting in an abandoned house
Tell them how you feel like an abandoned house; a graveyard where people come and bury their broken dreams and forget to re-visit
Tell them how you try to give everyone what they want and at the end of the day when you are alone
You just don't know who you are or who you want to be
Tell them how you can't remember how or why it went this bad
But only that no one helped you prevent it
Tell them how the only thing you can do from falling apart is
Write these gibberish talks
Tell them how you wonder if you are that good at putting a facade
Or the number of damns they give is dwindling
Tell them how you think it is the later
Tell them how you feel so hopeless when you hear your parents talk about what is wrong with you
Tell them how you think you doomed them by walking into their lives
Tell them how what once was can never be that way again
And how every time the wind blows you feel it tearing you apart at the very seams of your being
Tell them how you are more cracks than skin
And how
Everything they say
Or everything you had drained out
Now you are just a void.

I need you to the point where my stomach aches thinking of being anywhere, any day without you. I need you in the simplest ways. I need you when you're telling a joke and you can't help but laugh or smile at the thought of what you're going to say. I need you when you talk about something that starts a fire in you, and you become passionate and defensive about. I need you at 2 a.m. when your deepest fears come out and you just need someone to hold you and tell you that they will never get the best of you. I just need you, all of you. Every kiss, smile, flaw, and promise that you have. I need it all. I don't need you to do anything for me, your existence is enough to fulfill all of my wishes.