I tried,
I tried so hard.
Thumbs hovering over the unwritten words,
I tried so hard to resist texting you.
I tried so hard to not be the first one,
To not be the one giving all the effort.

Day One,
Friends don't have to text everyday.

Day Two,
Self esteem goes down,
You're let down.

Suddenly it's Day Four,
You keep on a painted smile.
You act like you're fine.
You actually think you may get through this.

Day Seven,
The day everything sets in.
You didn't pass the test,
You couldn't.
You broke down.
You relapsed.

It's when Day Seven comes around that you realize you weren't,
Happy enough,
Strong enough,
Funny enough,
Cute enough,

Good enough.

So you sit there,
Under running water,
You wish you could drown.
You silently cry,
Hoping no one will hear your escaping sobs.

It's Day Seven when you realize,
They're fine without you.

It's Day Seven when you realize,
You can't be fixed.

You have lost yourself, I think.
Or deny it, wherever you've buried you
A scared child with a hardened heart,
beaten pain into armor too thick for anything
but her blue eyes
to penetrate.

There's too much to say
In a short amount of time
And she loses her words
And too much to say
Ends up too few
Because she gets nervous
And the butterfly wings
Are fragile
And her heart
Feels so to

My words are tears that,
flow down through my pen.

Thoughts of you, occupy my mind,
drowning in love of the deepest kind.
Unable to sleep, eat or think,
dreaming of you at the kitchen sink.

Thinkin of all my sweetest wishes,
as I'm stood here, doin the dishes.
Head in the clouds, feet off the ground,
sound of my blood as it rushes around.

Heart beating so fast, a love story to settle,
day dreamin of you, as I turn on the kettle.

(c) mandy rigby 23/03/2014

Im falling apart,
pick a character, play your part.
Its okay darling
Im a lover of the arts.

This was not love making.
This was sin
and the devil victoriously
danced between the sheets.

We are the tellers of our own story
The makers of our own destiny
We are the sharers of a cast
The cast of us
A stellar reservoir of superstars
We don't appear in magazines
We are the figurines that stand in life
Watch dreams get smashed to smithereens
We follow the theme of living, occasionally giving
Kissing,wishing,missing,loving,kicking,killing
Anatomicall­y the same yet unwilling, fearing living
Whilst each of us unique we all are composed of stars
We all hold within us the chic mystique of being human.