today is such a day to feel melancholy
the puddles have dried up
but i’m still dreaming across the table
i guess that’s just
what i do.

i long for you
and the hurricane we could bring to a room
what am i supposed to say
when you look me in the eyes
and tell me that i
don’t have to worry?
how am i expected to not tell you
that i love you?
do you really expect me to believe
that you don’t already know?

pick me apart
i want to be your romance
your reason
your funny story in forty years
and i’d love the way you’d tell it

my poetry is written in vain
i don’t know how to ask you
if you want to read it
i just know that i
want you to read it

i’m so glad you’re the stranger i pursued
what would i do
i’d sink the ship without you

i’d like to put you to music

i always wish
someone would ask me
if i love you
oh i do
i do i do
flooded with wishes
when your head is next to mine
too much of me rests upon you
while my body can’t rest upon you
at all

i’m more excited to know you’re happy
than i am when i feel happy myself
you give me so much room to breathe
in conversation you listen
and i feel listened to

i am invaded by unexpected
bursts of love
my chest caves in when
i imagine you taking my hand
i had a dream in which
you reached for me
and it was so powerful that
i woke up

i lose my needs within my wants
you are both

am i expected to watch her
learn you and love you
while i just lose you?
yes i suppose i am

my heart is made of cotton
i wear it in my sleeve
please notice what you mean to me
i said you weren’t my type but
i know you understand
misdirection
i’d even settle for a three-piece
a dress a jacket and a rope
let me tie myself to you
i miss you and it’s been moments

are we not snake eyes?
roll again for doubles?
are we not doubles?

i don’t pray but i prayed for a couple
hand-me-down love songs
that i could sing to you
carbon copies of hallmark cards
you were already assigned to an angel
but would that angel give you
her wings?
i’m just a little devil with no wings to give
but i’d give you my shot at redemption

i don’t think you understand
i really don’t think you understand
i am in love with you.
i am so in love with you.
and i know it’s not that simple
but it really
really is.

i don’t think you know how i feel about you
i sent a text to my friend
explaining what i love about you
but it turned into less of an explanation
and more of a desperate outpouring of finally
thank god someone finally asked me to talk about you
i have so many things to say
i had a little too much wine
and you drank too much of a terrible-tasting beer
and you giggled and your cheeks got rosy
and i just wanted your hand on my knee
but i was satisfied with elbows.

i think about that time you spoke in honey
it was sweet before i knew i liked the sugar
but your jacket smelled like a familiar cinnamon
that i hadn’t yet realized i recognized
it was the same when you curled into me
my limbs were stiff and sore and the bed was far too small
and i was covered in a sheen of sweat
because our body heat was creating wildfires
but i still dream about it sometimes.

i can talk to you first thing in the morning
your timing has talked me out of the spiral
i love being your friend more than i have ever loved being anyone else’s
i know you worry
but you really don’t have to.
it’s not the glamour that we keep
it’s the gold.

the more i ask for things
the more i realize i don't know how
to ask for things.
spent a lot of time as a kid
learning that i can believe i deserve something
but that doesn't mean that i do
i cried in the library yesterday.
i was very very sad
and then i decided not to be
anymore.

it’s a loneliness that stems from
a lack of growth
i know my worth
most importantly i know what it isn’t
i can’t say what i’m missing
other than i’m missing what i thought i lost
but i’m discovering that i may have never
had it
no one is invaluable
i know my worth
and i know where i don’t deserve to be
and i hate that my heart doesn’t understand me
he was right
i really don’t know myself
but i really think i do
i think my pain is all my own
it’s a hammer to the rib cage
trying to nail down this feeling
i think it’s guilt but i’ve done nothing wrong
except fail.
yes i’ve definitely done that.

i was watered like a garden
then drowned in all the rain
they said it’d help me grow
but it just dilutes my taste.

(i was brewed like a strong *** of coffee
but i didn’t know how to say no
when they asked if i needed more ice cubes)