decorated, concealed
whitewashed, peeled
years of little earthquakes
will shake you

she is framed art hung, unsung
unknown to anyone
jilted, wilted
a still life flower
hanging ever crooked
upon the wall

I said no when my doctor asked me if I had suicidal thoughts
Cause for me it's never been like it is in films

I've never pictured it as a circle of blood around the drain hole

It's not a dramatic shot of my feet kicking off a stool a struggle and silence

It's not a freeing pose into the wind

It's not a collection of words to express my apology for the last time

It's not an artistic shot of 50 pills out of the bottle

It's always looked like walking out
A mundane, anti climactic, boring image
It feels tedious because it's been a routine for months
There's a difference between dying and committing suicide
You die long before you commit suicide

My favourite relaxation method is *apathy

Demons used to pay me a visit every night
People told me to say the name of The Lord

I said no

They will learn to fear my own **** name

You take that **** thrusted upon you
You pick out the nutrients from that compost
And make it work in your favour
Grow from it
Because
Because god ******* ****** you're worth more than this
And you know it

Root yourself
Anchor using your values
Build that steady foundation

Then take it from the bottom up
Defy gravity
Chasing the sun

And after your beautiful bloom
You will die
But not in vain

Others will stem from your knowledge left behind in the soil

The best way to get the broken pieces of an egg out of your omelette
Is using half the shell to pick it up while it's still raw

Maybe you're the best qualified to pick up your own broken pieces

It only hurts because you agree

27.2.14

My poster looks like it's about to fall off and all I'm doing is pushing it back to the blue tack even though I know it's going to fall again.

I think that's a metaphor for my life at the moment

14.12.13, 00:18

Then I figured, no ones going to validate my feelings but me so:
   *'Your feelings matter and although this maybe temporary,
         it still exists and therefor it is real'