Alone in everything.
Why doesn’t anyone reach for me
before I need to cry out?
What did I do?
What didn’t I do?

Maybe because I’m a pessimist
Maybe that’s it
But I try to be just as positive as negative
You get the worst of me though
when we’re just hanging out
because of my own desperation and persistence

I won’t reach out anymore, you win
I get it by now that I'm just a feint breeze in your head
If no one wants to reach out to me maybe I don’t deserve it
Good friends? Maybe I haven’t earned them.
But I try so hard.
What’s the trick?
What will make me stick?

I’m up to my knees in problems
But I’m not asking for anyone to solve them
All I’m asking for
Is some company,
To be sought out because I mean something,
For a friend to be drawn to me

Does my presence feel toxic?
Is it just unstimulating to you?
Is who I am just arbitrary?
Insignificant in the flesh?
Because I get the feeling I may not be negative
Just nothing at all

Maybe in your head you think I’m a pain
If only you knew that it comes from inside
I’d offer you a walk in my shoes
But what’s it really matter to any of you?

My mind is expanding,
But these grades are demanding.
Though my ways stand out
My GPA is not outstanding.

What good is knowledge,
If you can’t prove it on paper?
I WANT TO SEE THE WORLD!!!
But getting good grades is safer.

So I must be productive,
My right to dream has been abducted,
I once considered reflective struggles constructive,
But marginal quotas interrupt it

I’m feeling inspired,
My drive is now fired!
Oh but I can’t attend to that now..
Because I can’t study when I’m tired.

So I put it off,
Dreams are lost,
Robot mode on,
in a society of full of
scholarly knock-offs.

"Serendipity does not exist,"
"You’re choosing to fail if you’re choosing to live,"
"Why live creatively if you can puff, click or sip?"
I’m in an abusive relationship with my To-Do list

Don’t lose track,
Don’t look back,
Because time is money
And honey,
society will tell you how you spend it.
If you just let it.

Looking back, you never really cared. All you did is strip me down naked. I gave you everything I had. I even gave you my arms and my legs and got left in the cold because I guess you're a coward. After five years I finally decided to trust someone again and I was just left the same way. I was strung along like a simple-minded fool and I was manipulated blindly so you could have me to your convenience and liking. You ****** everything out of me: my confidence, my light.. and you just left me there to look like a fool. I don’t even know who I am anymore or what’s left of me. I don’t think you really care. I mean... who gives a **** about used trash anyway, right? Promises only mean something when things are easy, right? It's my fault. I should've followed my gut while it was screaming truths I wanted to deny. I had mistaken my gut for self-destructive over-thoughts, and you for my hero. I had mistaken learned-lessons for walls.  I had mistaken you for a man. I can't help but feel like you knew that.. like watching a wave crash over me as cluelessness had my back towards the horizon and my eyes towards you.  My heart's freezing over again now. For better or for worse it's happening, and I don't think it will melt for a really long time. In the meantime, I'll have boy friends but I won't feel. I'll maybe flirt here or there, but I won't feel. I’ll **** a lot but, regretfully, I won’t feel. I'll keep on moving and I won't feel. I'll try to feel, and there will be a split resentment for you and myself for making me this way. At the end of the day, it's my fault for being stupid and thinking anything good could ever come out of love. They say love yourself, and love will find it's way to you. What I didn't know is that love is an evil thief that comes and then goes with every piece of you in hand like it was an insignificant amount of small change.

Keep doing what you think is right
Even if you feel misunderstood
Persist
There will be people who will catch on
Be proud that you stayed true to your values
Even if they have been mended throughout your journey

Smoke the **** so my problems go away
Or at least get hidden underneath the haze
When it comes to coping methods is this okay?
Is it okay? Is it okay?

Someday I’ll be happy
Someday I’ll feel free
Someday I’ll be okay with being me
Someday I’ll feel love
Hold me tight
Someday I wont be so alone with all my thoughts at night
Someday someone will listen to me
And hear a silent song
Happy or sad it will be music to their ears

Someday I won’t feel such a fight inside
Someday I'll think of a problem and then think it’s alright
Someday I wont cringe at the thought of life
Someday I'll make it through all of this strife
Life will never be perfect
But one day it will be okay
Someday.. someday.

Someday is the day I look forward to
I’ve reminded me of “someday” all my life through
Is someday a myth or will it someday come?
Or is it some false hope playing me dumb?
I’m working towards that day, but what if it doesn’t exist
Someday might be an irrational wish

Oh sleepless night
What a trick on me you play!
For the reason I cannot sleep
Is because I anticipate the day

We build our day up
To have it elapse at night
But how too often a time I experience
A continuance through the night

Oh how unfair to me you see
For nighttime is a break much overlooked
Because I walk through the day quite sleepily
Which is difficult in a day so overbooked

Sleeping figures
Rejuvenating minds
Your mind is cultivating in peace
While my face is forming lines

Oh how I wish I didn’t get so worked up
I expected this to happen
Which ironically is the reason
My tiredness has been dampened

I lay in bed, ready
Ready to try this out
A pleasant sleep is all I wanted
Without completely passing out

How I get so jealous when
You lay there and drift to rest
While I’m dealing with two polar issues--
Either abruptly collapse into sleep or else from it slowly digress

Oh sleepless night, you tease me so
You fool with me and upset me so
For when thinking of tomorrow I surely know
I’m not going to be as lively as my potential.

It’s like I’m a hobo on Fifth Ave
Looking at the rich not realizing what they have
I get excited over spare change
While you collect your pay checks again and again

So let’s face it, tomorrow I’ll be miserable
And I’ll look forward to when the clock strikes night
But then the hours I have will become considerable
So I’ll lay there restlessly and drift away just before the light.
So I’ll get a taste of what sleeps like
But I’ll never get to experience it right.
Oh you cruel, mean sleepless night!
Where dwells your brother so known as the “Goodnight”?