My body is just a vessel so don't bother falling for it
I find myself falling out of it every day
The way I keep falling out of love
I didn't know souls could be so clumsy
But I'm sliding on the black ice in my brain
If I'm still there, the ice is melting and I'm filling my pockets with the puddles
The weight of the world is incredible but I float like a balloon
No one's holding on to me and I wish I could see the ground and know what gravity feels like
I hear gravity has a pull
But I've never been pulled toward something before
I just float on
I wish someone could give me a gentle tug instead of just making me their amusement
I'm not all that pretty to look at and I'm better to hold
Tie me to your wrist and I'll show you what we've missed

"7 to 9 hours of sleep"
You got me thinking in dreams
I'm still working on my mental health journey
I don't know where I'm going but there's a mountain range or an ocean in view
My life is vertical with vertigo and
I need a horizon
It makes me feel small
I like to make myself small and my problems smaller with me
But truth is my problems are too big for my body
They come bursting out in the form of suicidal ramblings or makeshift insomnia
To match my makeshift happiness
Fake it till you make it
I tell my brain to make and bake more dopamine or serotonin
Help me out
I'll take it artificially manufactured
It's the fentanyl of happiness
But there's something about the artificial flavors that is raw and real to myself
The fundip powder stuck to my fingers
I crave childhood and I don't know if it was taken from me
My sweet tooth remains
And I continue to crave

That was written for you
It will always be written for you
As you type away and count your words
I will be always be the part of your novel you glanced over
And I will write my story around you
Everything surrounds you
And yet you are nothing to me
And you are gone from my world
But after all
The world revolves around the sun
And seldom do we acknowledge that
Through the window pane, the sun barely touches my skin
And you will never touch me again

I sail in the dark abyss of yesterday
With only a pool float and the power of thought
Or lack thereof
There is no control
As the clock tolls
Round and round and round
The riptide takes me
Deep inside the yesterdays
And I wake up as a broken record
I am the same second verse played over and over again
You're too catchy, my yester dayman
I am the gardener who only waters dead flowers
I hope the sun will shine on me
But it's always gleaming on you
Full speed ahead
I read the same page over and over
Sometimes I'll read the whole chapter
But why carry on further
This part is so good
Remember?

H,

We can be two halves of one idiot,

You take Jupiter, and I'll take Mercury

Together powerful though laughable,

We are asked for mercy.

We are messengers and we mean you no harm

Earthlings. We may look fierce, but we are

Even fiercer so. We may have soft skin,

But our hidden edges

Don't hide

We were created from destruction

And we destroy our path

No, we won't destroy what's in our path

But rather

We will destroy our preemptive destinies

And create new ones for ourselves

You can call us revolutionaries,

Or hopeless romantics

Inlove with life and its soil

And sand and toils and

Hands held and

Beverages boiled

Beauty is skin deep,

But diamonds cut farther.

You are a deep cut

That bleeds and bleeds

That wants to be freed

You are burnt skin that peels

A medication that heals

You are the essence of life

And strife

And a beloved wife

You are swamps and rivers

You are the campfires

That cure the midnight pool shivers

You are the spark behind the lighter

A lover, a fighter

The smoke that drifts off the match

The wake and bake (the best batch)

I love you deeply, steeply,

And I love you to bits

Cheers that tea exists

With HAD on your cup

And my lipstick prints

With a pop of 2018 champagne,

I wish you a life free of pain,

A lack of fuckery,

And beauty to have the world slain

May your flesh be tattooed

And your toes sandy

Signed, Andie Pandie

Fireworks break up the sky
like shattered mirrors

I'm always chasing mirrors
deep into the sea floor and far above,
they evade me

You would, too

But suddenly I'm the most approachable person in the world

a cigarette parts my lips
but doesn't part me from this cruelly inescapable world

foiled again, I give a bystander bumming a cigarette this token of acquaintance

I hope he manages to escape


Fireworks break up the sky
but they're supposed to unify
They deepen my loneliness always

enjoyed in groups,
people multiply

And I drown into the sea,
in the sand,
in the reflections of my mirrors

A glow bracelet shackles me to reality
My plan to escape shatters again
I have mirrors
But bystanders have mallets


Fireworks don't break up the sky
they fly
in puffs

and in the puff of a cigarette
I am gone again

voices of glee
remind me I am lonely

I'm crying but not for loneliness
for I am never truly lonely

I am surrounded by mirrors always

I cry because I cry,
I don't always know why

I chase these mirrors
but I never see reflections
or answers

Is it glory?
beauty?
appreciation?

I cry because it's momentous
a girl loves a moment in time,
anytime

Mirrors trail down my face

Fireworks break up time and space

I cease to exist
but I feel whole

as if my existence is exactly this
reflections, fireworks, and a wish