crushing strawberries one by one
watching the juice drip down
two and a half months ahead of schedule
the leaves on the trees are turning brown
we got ready for winter, as the sun rose up in the sky
there was something almost soothing in the hard to define
note of terror in your eye

watching the strawberries lose their shape
as the wind blew threw the elm tree
the wind was far too cold for the middle of april
and you reached out your hand to me
it was good to feel your hand in mine
it was good to know you felt the pull too
i scooped up a palmfull of strawberry pulp
and smeared it all over you

the wild strawberries drove me on, as i lapped them up off of your skin
and i could feel your basal body temperature rise as the cold came in

It begins with your body shaking,
And then your hands clench into fists
Nails digging into your palms.
You’ve felt it build for awhile now,
And feel it well up,
A dam about to break,
As you hear your heart beat,
Bursting in your ears.
And your eyes close by reflex,
As your jaw stretches open to its further extent
There is the noise that causes people to stop and stare.
That makes hearts speed up,
And others wonder why.
This is the raw primal scream.
Do you then slam your fist into a wall,
Again and again until your knuckles bleed?
Or do you grasp yourself tight,
And crumple into wracking sobs,
Gasping for air?
This is a colorless scream.
Simultaneously devoid of feeling,
And filled with every feeling within you.
The desire to die every waking moment,
And that stubborn will to survive.
The rage at being powerless in your life,
Frustration at continuing to **** up,
The cry of trying to be better than who you are,
But not sure why.
The howl of two wolves,
Gnawing at your insides,
You no longer sure which you are feeding.
This is the scream that can crush mountains,
Raze a city,
And deafen all those in its range.
At the end of your rope,
You stand upon the brink of nothing,
And deep within you all you feel that you can do now
is scream.
But then you open your eyes,
And nothing has changed.
So you take a deep breath,
And try and ignore what you just did,
But wonder if it was even what you needed.

Today I observed the flaming trees,
The flakes of gold drifting in the wind,
Like sleepy fairies,
And I thought,
I want to die like a maple,
die like an aspen in the fall,

as my strength is stripped away,
the underlying poetry of my veins is exposed,
and the tough skin peels back,
to show my unsung melodies,
Every note!

and it is a song,
blending beautifully with the cosmos,
Oh, that I would die like a tree,
when you see my barren body,
remember my last red moment,
full of auroreatic brilliance,

Darling if you would only kiss me one more time
I could taste the memories of our careless endeavors
Before the reality of you becomes present
You shift back into the world against me
I wish i could see how i found you
Some years ago, hair too long and life still short
But with clocks and ticks and calendars away from you
I've remained unchanged since i left in October
Like you were my passage to all i flew with
Now heavy with the weight of high school
My burger joint job and what could have been

if the moon fell down tonight,
i swear to you my dear,
i'd spend my last few minutes
dreaming you were here.
we'd lie in bed together,
your hand upon my cheek
as the world goes cold, oxygen fades
and our bodies; they grow weak.
we'd hold each other tightly,
drifting into space.
if the moon fell down tonight, i vow
to spend the last few minutes
staring at your face.

you're the only light,
and the only warmth,
i've ever needed anyway.
if the moon fell down tonight, my love
i pray you'd come, and that you'd stay.
but if the moon stayed tonight,
up there in that sky,
i'd do what i do everynight;
i'd lay in bed and cry.

It is not
a mere game for two
nor a feeling
that comes on queue

It is not
a solution to boredom
nor a decision
at random

It is not
something to throw around
but it is
to uphold and be crowned

for love
is a promise
kept by two
to be kept forever
if it is true

it is a precious gift
to another
and once given,
we are left to ponder.