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Put on your armor,
Slip into your high heeled shoes.
Wear them with everything.
Wear them as long as you need them.
Wear them to feel safe.
Wear them to feel powerful.
Wear them to feel important.
And go about the business of living.
Figure out who you are.
Figure out what's important.
Figure out how you're going to put your "weird" to use.
Don't build any walls to high.
Don't try to get out with your heart intact.
When something hurts you, let it hurt.
And after all of that is done.
I hope you no longer need that armor.
I hope you can look yourself in the eye.
I hope you find a way to help the next "weird" girl in line.
I would reach into my chest
And wrestle my heart back into rhythm
Because only beating hearts can take a beating,
And maybe you don’t know it
But if making me bleed, leaves you wanting more
Then each time you disappoint me
I’ll keep a little life in my veins
So I can be resuscitated.
I’m five years old,
Sitting alone at my aunt’s kitchen table with a bucket of crayons
Slowly turning an elephant lime green
Because my best friend doesn’t want to play with me.
I don’t know the word rejection,
But now I know the feeling.

Fast forward three years,
It’s my birthday.                                                        ­                                  
I can’t wait to go swimming and eat too many popsicles,
But my mom pulls me aside before the party.
To make sure I know,
That I’m too much person for an eight-year-old body,
To be liked, I need to be less.
And that’s how I found out, a mother’s love can be wrong.

At fourteen,
My sister almost killed herself.
And every day  after that I called her,
As if my voice could uncurl her finger from the trigger of a gun.
Or if I cared enough,
I could put the blood from a hundred cuts back in her veins.
She’s still alive, but my belief that love saves died.

Seventeen-year-old me,
She mistook insecurity for depth.
And thought the smoke from our Black & Mild’s mingling together Was a metaphor for love.

After nineteen years, I talked myself out of love
And into the idea of men who looked at me in pieces.
I still can’t see myself as whole.

At 21,
I learned the difference between wanting someone and wanting Him.
He drew me a blueprint of his flaws,
And I saw a map of how to fix him...

I’m still 21,
And I listen to heartbreak songs.
They don’t sound like I thought they would,
Because I still don’t know how I feel about that one.
Tickling the back of the neck,
Disturbing the too still air,
Brooding in silence still
Here on the top of the hill.

Burgeoning, the approaching storm
Clouds, far, but nearing,
Climb the ladder-less sky
To the west, to the south.

Air here does not move,
Stands somber, waiting,
Breathing in to hold,
Tense, anticipating.

Flash erupts up and down,
Meets mid-sky, burning,
Clapping air moves
Instantaneous implosion.

Vacuum reverberates,
Ripples fists of vibration
Out and out and out....
Thunder pounds the chest.

White light blinds and burns
The startled inner eye;
Black and purple threads
Visible in lidded dark.

Air escapes the lungs'
Gasped shock surprise...
Too quick for flight,
Too soon for fear.

The ears reverberate ,
Hammered hard within,
Ringing cacophonic
In remembered din.

Knees jellied move and turn
To take my body from the hill.
Alive, and stunned, I lived to learn
Lightning's not my kind of thrill.
Hair flying like lace all undone in the wind,
Flaxen and golden and fine in the sun,
Scented with hay mown fresh before dew,
A laugh on her breath and the mention of you.

She came in from the chores
Bearing Dolly's warm milk in a pail,
A tabby young kitten threading her heels,
And baby was greeting his mother in squeals.

She came in with the cold, blown by the wind,
And shuttered the heavy old door.
She stirred up the coals in the rusty old stove,
Cheeks all afire with the ice and the snow,
Stamping her feet by the fire's warm glow.

She came in from the spring,
A pail in her hand, and butter, packed in a jar,
Humming a tune with mud on her shoes,
A meadowlark's call on her mind,
First signs of green and new life on the wind.

She came in from the walk,
Frown on her face, mail in her hand,
Letters from home, black ribbon adorned,
News that made tears find their place,
And saddened her heart as it raced.

She came in from the fields
Weary and worn, old from the sun and the wind,
And she settled herself by the rusty old stove,
And she rocked in her battered old chair,
Reflecting a life both bonny and rare.

She came in from the fields,
And she'll go back again
When the evening sun makes its way
Round the flickering stairs to new day;
She'll rise just a bit before dawn
To stoke up the dwindling fire,
And go feed the new lamb
Whose mother has left her alone,
Whose mother has left her alone.
Clasped a coffin handle, cold and bronze,
Felt the weight of earth's return to land,
Solemnity a clammy sweat upon my palms.

Six quiet men, prepped to stand and bear
The loaded cask, our passenger unaware,
Unheeding lids held tight her sightless stare,
While I, her nephew, stood wondering there.

Scarce breathing in my fear and grief, I strained,
Unwilling soldier forced to march in train
Toward a punctual station beside a mound of earth,
The period ending to a sentence spun from birth.
We're passing
Passing through the long narrow roads
Together
Like a skirt with odorless tulips
On a bike
You are pedaling
My chin closed to your shoulders
I want to yell in your ear
I don't like my childhood
But you
The marry go round 's still
rounding in your eyes
Like the memory of the grilled maize
Hot and sweet
I turn
my back leaning on yours
Looking at the sky
The sun loosing its light on each tree one by one
And I ask :
The grandma hasn't told any
stories for a long time, has she ?
-no answer heard-
And you keep on pedaling
And I
Always suffering from the pain of ******
Send my regards to the crows
and tell them that the scarecrows
are not alone they just play roles
My doll has been sleeping since
the last time I heard my voice
-Lullabies matched with her dancing-
Say more
I'm happy
cos I put my head on the pillow
smelling my odor at night
-I'm happy-



می گذریم
با هم می گذریم
از جاده هایی باریک و بلند
چون دامنی که نقش لاله های بی عطر و بو را دارد
بر چرخی نشسته ایم
تو پا می زدی
چانه ام به شانه هایت نزدیک است
می خواهم در گوشت فریاد بزنم
کودکی هایم را دوست ندارم
ولی تو
هنوز در چشمانت
چرخ و فلک می چرخد
چون خاطره ی بلال ها
...داغ و شیرین
برمی گردم
در حالی که پشتم به تو تکیه داده است
به آسمان نگاه می کنم
خورشید
تک به تک
از درختان جا می افتد
)) : و سؤال می کنم
مدتیست که دیگر مادربزرگ قصه نمی گوید !!؟
هان !؟
-پاسخی نشنیدم-
تو به راهت ادامه می دهی و
من
همیشه از درد پریود رنج می بردم
از قول من
به کلاغان سلام برسان
و به آن ها بگو
مترسک ها تنها نیستند
خوب نقش بازی می کنند
از آخرین باری که صدایم را شنیدم
عروسکم به خواب می رفت
-لالایی هایی که با رقصیدنش کوک شده بود-
و باز هم بگو
خوشحالم
وقتی شب ها موقع خواب
سرم را روی بالشتی می گذارم
که بوی مرا می دهد
-خوشحالم-
Oh my dear Lord
Your beautiful creation of the dandelions...
Oh my great God
Your beautiful creation of my heart...
Oh the beautiful dandelions
The owners of the blue sky
Ask God whether I can imagine
your dress carrying Jasmines !!!
I haven't told the sky how much I love you
but I've told God...


ای خدای من
...قاصدک ها را زیبا آفریدی
ای خدای بزرگ
...قلب من را زیبا آفریدی
ای قاصدک های زیبا
که آسمانی آبی دارید
به خدا بگویید
اشکالی ندارد
اگر فکر کنم
!!! پیراهن شما گل یاسمن دارد
من به آسمان نگفته بودم
شما را دوست دارم
...به خدا گفته بودم
i wrote this poem for my favorite poet ''Keikavoos Yakideh'',,,,,, i am very sad
 Feb 2017 John Stevens
wordvango
never a doubt my preference
for dreaming of a muse before paying the rent
or walking along the river and seeing
the nymphs I dream of playfully naked singing
a tune
instead of going to work
again
hiding in the bushes to watch
birds coo
or climbing the highest tree
to view an ocean in the middle of Alabama
I make up
several  mermaids populate this sea
along with serpents
vitriolic pirates sailing away to rob the
scalliwag English
in the Pub about midnight after visiting regions
of my mind
I take sense and remember last time
I had my last pint
too early,
Friday was a scant paycheck, so...
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