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 Jul 2019 Jodie LindaMae
Shin
I felt the warmth caress my cheek like
the light of heaven radiating down
on me. Looking up I saw my mother,
with eyes blue, and a dress smudged by her youth.
Laughter and love streaked down my face and it
could be said this moment was infinite
in all of its grandeur. But we knew of
this falsehood, for god left for the stars and
you were my angel, but the men took you
too. They marched in; their tin guns rattling
to a tune I didn't know. The storm grew
on until finally, I looked and saw
mother taken into its gaping maw.
My limp retreat, hastened by the need to
escape the reality laid before
me.
As the sad scurried escape continued,
I felt my most intimate seams begin
to tear. The contents of my creator spilling
onto the cold ground. Those tin toy soldiers
surrounded me, and I realized something.
“A ragdoll can't flee”
With an air of vengeance, I took their bait;
biting down on the cursed fruit bestowed
to me by our nonexistent savior.
With a smile I split my seam and screamed out
to all the fallen toys, and fallen joys.
“Hush now men, mother, and me this is life;
this is love, and can't you see what it doe-”
My thought grew dark as a cold tin soldier
finished the job, and I joined my mother
within the ash.
I felt the warmth caress my cheek like
the light of heaven radiating down
on me. Looking up I saw my mother,
with eyes blue, and a dress smudged by her youth.
Laughter and love streaked down my face and it
could be said this moment was infinite
in all of its grandeur. But we knew of
this falsehood, for god left for the stars and
you were my angel, but the men took you
too. They marched in; their tin guns rattling
to a tune I didn't know. The storm grew
on until finally, I looked and saw
mother taken into its gaping maw.
My limp retreat, hastened by the need to
escape the reality laid before
me.
As the sad scurried escape continued,
I felt my most intimate seams begin
to tear. The contents of my creator spilling
onto the cold ground. Those tin toy soldiers
surrounded me, and I realized something.
“A ragdoll can't flee”
With an air of vengeance, I took their bait;
biting down on the cursed fruit bestowed
to me by our nonexistent savior.
With a smile I split my seam and screamed out
to all the fallen toys, and fallen joys.
“Hush now men, mother, and me this is life;
this is love, and can't you see what it doe-”
My thought grew dark as a cold tin soldier
finished the job, and I joined my mother
within the ash.
A poem written, and obstructed for class.
 Jul 2019 Jodie LindaMae
Shin
Wound
 Jul 2019 Jodie LindaMae
Shin
Away at arm's length sat the window pane.
Thoughts glistened, staring into my mind's eye.
And I stared back, and whispered in hushed tones.
Nothings, noises lost to the shifting sands.

But perhaps unearthed one day we shall sit.
Hand in hand, piece by piece, we too may wilt,
but wilt together, wilt at peace, by peace.
So hush now and let us embrace the beast.
 Jul 2019 Jodie LindaMae
Shin
I may not know what the future holds.
But I love you now,
and that's good enough for me.
 Jul 2019 Jodie LindaMae
Shin
Work
 Jul 2019 Jodie LindaMae
Shin
"Spin the wheel!" cries the rat in his tin cage.
While the shopkeep sits, polishing his rage.
 May 2017 Jodie LindaMae
JS Clark
Cookies and milk,
The allure drew me in.
As I opened the door on
That warm, Spring day,
The fresh scent of home baked
Raisin oatmeal cookies filled
The air.

Aunt Charlotte
Welcomed me in
With open arms
And a wonderful smile
That nothing can compare.

Just an ordinary recipe
With no special ingredients,
Made with love and great
Care--
Aunt Charlotte and me--
Oh! What a pair.
My father wrote this poem...
I fell in love with it the instant I read it...
When he first touched me,
I thought I would unfold
Go weak. Tremble.
But instead, I didn't feel anything.
He put his mouth on my skin and I felt numb.
Distant. Distracted.
I tried to close my eyes and center myself
but I kept waiting for it to be over.

My first intimate moment and my body
turned to stone.

~~

You ruined me.
You ruined my ability to enjoy intimacy.
Maybe even love.

I have been waiting my whole life for a moment like this
but you forced me to recoil into my natural coping mechanism of shutting down
Pushing away

But this moment was right.
I wanted him to kiss me.
I wanted him to touch me
but you turned me against him.

You made me think I didn't want him
I didn't deserve him
That his touch was tainted
When it was perfectly fine.

To the ones who touched me before,
you touch me through hands that I know
Hands that I trust
Hands I could love

My body can't shake your touch from it's memory.
Your finger tips forever scar my goosebumps.

But I wont stop searching for peace.
Peace for my body
For my soul.

Peace despite of the ones who have touched me before.
I am a shadow of myself,
Walking through life
Ten steps behind everything
I do and see.

I am a reflection of my mind
That can never fully see
Everything that I am-
Though I live in it every moment.

I am a projection of everyone else
And every thing that I wish I was,
Knowing I am anything but.
Not knowing how to change.

I am a grey spot on my heart
Aching silently at every turn,
Miraculously pumping life
Through shrinking veins.

I am a glare in my eyes
Blinding my thoughts
And skewing reality-
Endlessly searching through a squint.

I am all the thoughts I think
Without ever being spoken,
Everything that I am lives in my brain
And all that I need dies in my mind.
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