Seeing my reflection is hard to take,
trying to come to terms with myself.
It all falls away, so lonely and afraid-
Conjuring up enough nerve to pray.
What or who am I praying to?
But by this time I just don't want the pain,
the heartache I feel so deep inside,
I want it all to go away, so far away-
feel some peace in my life some day.

My heads pounding
My necks twisted amuck
think I'mma stop giving a ****
Light up a blunt and do what I want -
woah wait -
ain't that the **** that got me
here in the first place?
Worst case I nervously pace
the halls for a day - two or a weekend
Blasting the weeknd
Entire enviroment reeking
shrieking -
Nah -
I'm better than that.
Can't latch onto the past.
That's the trash that got
us there at the start - instead
I prepare it in art
And share from the heart, with you.
And you.
And you and you and you.
Because why not?
It helps forget about that pinebox looming-
Thinking outside the winebox lucid -
I mean Windex, clean em out
And a win decks, stacks paper chips
You can't say this isn't some matrix blips
I am not losing ****
I am manuevering this beautiful thing
up past this ******* Nuva Ring
Cause that's life - you can get beat
or keep it on a leash - jeez
that's sexist. I don't know
where this became an accepted
comparison, its embarrassing
comparing them - to K9's
But we hear it through the grapevine
Turns of phrase we make fine.

I'm a cast away
From my own
I'm a second away
From all I know
I'm a smiling *****
At least to you
You are a sweet forget
From all I knew.
You are the shrew
Little boy.
I'm not your ****
Or little toy.
You, you I try
To avoid.
Scenic routes
Are better inside.
Inside myself where
I take my own steps.
Being alone I've
Figured is the
Best,

who'd of thought
pulling her chair out
would have me
pulling my hair out?
friends say it's
nothing to be embarrassed about
we all have our unfair spouts
of bad luck or streaks, but
i swear they just do it to **** with me
what - maybe you don't understand
the damage done when things got out of hand
abandoned out of greed
and stranded out to sea
i refuse to float in hopes of finding the land that i need
to eat to breathe please
i'm used to being exposed to those losing clarity


*https://soundcloud.com/the_mjv/open-books

the devil, It asked me too, and
I obliged with great charisma
A welcoming gesture:
Dinner
Drinks
Dancing
Laughter
Each minute lubricant tempting
anticipation in impatient people
Because why not?
The house is so quiet without the cries.
My head, so empty without the dreams.
The bed so still.
Still, I don't know you.

does it really matter?
that I don't remember?
does it really matter?
that every minute I'm enveloped
by letters - patterns and combinations
of words making sure I comprehend where we're
headed? maybe your city is sinking
maybe you're make up isn't as pretty as you were thinking -
genetically speaking
rotting what remains on the weekends
I don't want to forget I guess
it's just what happens next I guess
it's just what happens when you're laughing
and the seconds are flashing by
You're friends are gone by the time you realize
what time it is - the lights are on
their lights are out - I should be asleep
but I can't figure out how
to get there in what's deemed a reasonable time
by the time I have to be where I'm told
I wonder how many times this will happen until
I look up to the mirror old - and grey
I was told, this would happen someday
but when? I ask -
I don't think it's too unreasonable to want to know.