one. I walked you to your car, and made sure that each part of you was safely seated before i closed the door. once i got in the passengers seat, i told you to buckle up, and when you didnt, i reached over the center console and kissed you as i carefully grabbed your seat belt and strapped you in. you rolled your eyes at me, told me you loved me and grabbed my hand and kissed it. i asked you to keep both hands on the wheel.
two. I put my hands up your shirt and rested my head on your chest when we were laying down, just so i could count your heartbeats. so i could feel your heartbeats and so my head would rise and fall with your ribcage. i ran my fingers through your hair, and whispered alive against your skin. i kissed your collarbone, your chest, your stretch marks. you asked me to stop, you told me you loved me but it tickled. i told you i adored your laugh.
three. I tried to be as close to you as i could. i asked you to come to a haunted house with me, and i let the sound of your laughter fill my ears. i know i get scared easily, that was the point. i gave you directions for the longest way possible so we could spend more time together. i turned on your favorite song, and watched your lips move. when the hum of your voice made its way to my ears, i closed my eyes and let my head lean back. i held your arm through the entire haunted house. i jumped closer to you whenever i heard a sound, i buried my face into the crook of your neck, even when i wasn't scared. you laughed at me for so long, pulling me into you each time you did and told me you loved me. i pressed my ear against your chest and listened to the way it resonated.
four. Sweet dreams
four. i care about you
four. how are you?
four. are you okay?
four. did you get home safe?
four.
five. I didnt yell back. I wiped your tears away when they escaped your eyes, as mine fell and shattered into my lap. i kissed your collarbone, and i pulled myself closer, even when i was shoved away. i squeezed my eyes shut, like if i closed them hard enough, i could unhear that this was my fault. i touched your neck, right under your hairline, and i told you i cared about you. you told me that you couldn't wait for me to say it anymore, that you didn't know if i loved you or not. i told you to drive safe, and i watched you walk away. i saw you put on your seatbelt and look at me. i watched you start the car with tears in your eyes.

My ***** felt a feather heavier than iron
As I’d opted for anything other than rollover
Whilst puking up that, “nicer,” guy.

The drink’s a ghost. The scold’s a mixer,
Soured on the rocks, Shaken, not stirred,
Stirred, not shaken,
And without a sliver of, “he,” who’d opt
Accommodate or acquiesce.

Call it, “transcendence,” I guess?
Born a realization that this world’s,
“DOG-EAT-DOG,” or,
“GOD-EAT-GOD,” or,
“GOD-TEA-DOG,”
And should I not comprehend
This very simple reality,
I’d be a doormat unto my own grave.

So I fail, I’m frail, and all for one tail
Prior the act that’d ever invoke,
“Leave;” even atop the eve of beggary.

Resolute? I’d opt for the longer life, perhaps,
Not that I’d wanted to live to long anyway,
But I’d made a choice,
I’d arbitrated one cardinal direction – elliptical.

I’d acted, placated, satiated, intimidated,
Decimated, defecated, wiggled my right pinky
And culminated a prayer atop altars, “godless,”
To never knock upon that door again.

And so, but one question remains,
“Did I?”

Pity the fool who does
not believe words can
change lives

It's a funny thing how
feelings can fade away
without a warning.

Just like your love
for me vanished within
the heat of my pride
Evaporating within
the tense atmosphere of
our own screams.

All because my lips
trembled as the words
crawled out of their
hidden crevices
*all too soon, all too soon

No matter how many miles separate us.
If you never speak to me again.

At least, I can take comfort in knowing
that when you've had your fill.
Faith lost, hope vanished from your heart
without a trace.
I know,
you'll look to the stars.
Only to see tens of thousands of them;
shinning brightly on the darkest nights.
Just for you.

And if this life is just meant to be a realm of torture.
A realm of apathy and discontent.
I find peace within my heart knowing
I'll be looking at the same sky, too.

The magic in your eyes,
The "make my knees weak" smile,
The "my heart skipped a beat" moment.
The "world stopped turning" for a while.
That electric feeling,
when our elbows touch,
That comforting lie,
"I've missed you so much"
The heat of the moment,
When my hand wraps around your waist,
and I pull you close,
with the other hand on your face,
The "drumroll" leading,
to the firework kiss,
The warm embrace after,
that always makes me wish,
That if clocks could be broken,
Then so would be time,
And I wouldn't have to hurry,
In this paradise of mine,
and all these heavens,
that begin with a hello,
All disappear,
and time begins to slow,
and I try my hardest not to show you,
but no matter how hard I try,
The hell in hello,
is when you say goodbye.

And I want to tell her that I understand
what it feels like to be fake, insignificant,
and a shadow on the sidewalk of society.

And I want to tell her that I also borrow
the experiences of others --
that I, too, learn feelings
by stopping and staring at personal wreckage,
like a tourist of emotions,
like an inevitable wish of a human being.