You know it is hard walking alone each day.
Every footstep that I see it makes me brave.
Nobody knows how anxious I am when I look at my steps is getting further.
So, I build up my courage and take a deep breath.
Before, I start walking again I know I shouldn’t look back.
As I look back on my fear will come and change my route.
As I walk alone, I see the world.
It scares me how real and unfair it maybe.
I try to hold back my tears as I want to appear unbreakable.
I am naive to think happy and grind can make me unbeatable.
It becomes unreal to me.
A month of pretending. I am tired.
I’ve been fooling myself to keep positivity as my armor.
It didn’t protect me at all instead it ruined me.
I don’t walk as much anymore.
I ride my way back home.
I blast of music keep me conscious of what is real.
It continues to make a distance from my own bubble.
They made me feel bad for being myself.
As I sing my heart out inside the moving vehicle.
I am not just singing instead I am pouring out every emotion that I stay away.
I cannot get away from what I truly feel.
It made me shiver.
It made me feel.
It made me human.
It made me, me.
This is me. I never tell my bad days to other people as I don't want to be a burden to anybody. There are few people that I only say what I feel because I know they'll never gonna leave me. But it feels so exhausting for being not real, and for thinking that what I feel is not valued. It's hard to be sad when they always see you strong. But you can't deny that you are also human. And you are breakable, fragile and emotional.