My favorite song isn’t mine anymore
You took it and made it yours
Like you do with everything else.
The beat doesn’t take me to a different place
It just takes me right back to looking at your face.
Every new song I hear, I want to send you it.
*******, stop making me feel like ****.
The street lights flicker through my blinds
Somehow, they used to clear my mind.
Like a studio apartment in the heart of New York City
You once told me.
Your attempt at making me smile
In a time of my darkest trial.
Through change I couldn’t stand,
You came and held my hand.
My own bed doesn’t belong to me
It’s missing a spot where you used to be
The cold side of my pillow doesn’t exist
It’s getting harder to resist.
Every side is cold without you
Boy, what can I do?
I obsessively obsess over you
I’m over it
And you are over it, too.
Why do you lie to me when I cry?
Would it just be easier to say goodbye?
You once said that I looked beautiful in the dark
Bruised my heart with your mark.
Now it cloaks and traps with no trace of escape
I’m becoming desperate to erase
Every thought of you
But I can’t.

You’re everywhere
And nowhere
All at once.

I sat down yesterday,
Feeling sorry for myself.
Lamenting in my sorrow,
Figuring out a good way to say
The words that have been swirling
Around in my mind like
The way water revolves around a
Drain.

I sit down now today,
Thinking about the way I cope
I go through other people’s lives
With a keen eye.
Like a detective trying to
Determine a killer with nothing
More than a fleck of dust and a
Motive.

I sat there yesterday,
Trying to determine why my fears
Felt as if they were consuming me.
Like the way the darkness
Envelops you in a cold blanket
When all you need is
Someone to keep you
Warm.

I’m sitting here today,
Wishing for more control
More edge, more confidence.
A will to stand my ground
To accept who I truly am,
A talented, wonderful woman
Who is effortlessly
Beautiful.

I remember the times
That I feel sorry for myself.
They fuel me. Feed my fire.
Fill me with every inch of desire.
To be great. To be successful.
To be me. To be the woman
I know I am, rather than
The girl I pretend to be.