I smoke and I think. I lament and I drink.

I tell myself in a few months it'll be someone else's name; and I tell myself that name will bring about a contrasting feeling to what yours brings me now

I lie to myself

But still I act surprised when your name stumbles through every corridor of my mind, opening every door and sabotaging every room - yet still finding nothing   inside my intellect appealing to renovate into something beautiful.

I clean up the rooms, I tighten lock the doors, I set alarms but none of it stops you from breaking in and destroying everything again.

I rebuild stronger each time and when I think I've finally locked you out and I think you've given up, you carefully pick each lock and you decimate everything again, leaving nothing beautiful for anyone else that passes by to relish, forcing them to leave without any interest of coming back.

Why the **** are you doing this to me?

You've been incarcerated in my subconscious and you long to escape.
And I won't let you.

So you destroy everything in your sight hoping the destruction will force me to set you free. But darling, I've lost the key to the only entrance of my mind and I don't have the strength to break open the gates myself until I've rebuilt everything I've allowed you to destroy.

I continue to lie to myself

Red, red is the color of my hunger,
like the blood that flows from the cut
on my left ring finger. Like the rose that
withered on                  my front door step.
Like the color               of my cheeks or
the echoing of a bruise. Your hunger
is a darkness that is simply
nothing, like            a black hole of
constantly               collapsing stars
that shine                  like an angler fish’s
allure. Like                a deep, deep green
that feeds                   upon the beautiful.
Like a hypnotic            blue that envelopes
you in a trance              of one thousand pounds.

Loneliness is not a disease,
it's a choice,
a gruelling way of sad life.

There are three simple words
that can make me,
that can break me.
Three words that
anyone can say.
The speaker of those words
immediately has power over me
as soon as the words
leave their lips.
The words are not
I love you,
but
**** your self.
kys.
three words; **** your self.
two words; **** yourself.
an acronym; kys.
Six months ago,
you could've said that to me
and I would have been
devastated.
I would cry
and scream
and maybe even try.
Today, however,
you could say those words to me,
and I will smile.
I will smile with confidence.
I will smile with sadness,
because you think it is a joke.
For you cannot tell me what to do.
You cannot bring
me down that easily.
I will laugh
because you think
you can hurt me.
Your petty little words
will not even phase me.
Go ahead and joke,
but I will never
EVER
say those words to anyone.
You never know
when someone will
take you seriously.

I stood from your bed.
My back towards you,
As you said,
"The most perfect silhouette."
You grabbed me,
"Don't leave yet."
I never wanted to leave,
But did anyway.
Something is not right.
I could not stay.

Dear lovely , take my coarse hands
Let me lead us to a wonderland .
Across this gorgeous green sea we
shall sail
To that place where love ' s sun
never goes pale
Where our hearts will never , again ,
ail .
The moon has aged thus grand
Here , sit with me on this sea
shore ' s sand
From whence we will watch hand
in hand
While we listen to our loving hearts
pound.
Lets count the night sky' s stars
And tell how lovely and beautiful
they are .
Lets watch the milky way fall to the
earth
And make silent wishes in our
hearts .
Ahh , beautiful lay here by my side
And lets listen to nature ' s lovely
lullaby
As we recount the great time