Rejection is a wound nobody is immune to
Its taste is sour and bitter
It makes your gums bleed

Rejection is always by your side
But never is a friend
But never is a lover

Rejection chases away sobriety
Looking to stop the pain
Looking to fill the void

Rejection pushes trust out of your life
Whispers that she's all you'll need
& makes you go deaf to the world

I see all these blank pages of my future and I tear them to shreds//
I only want to live in the pages of my past//
I only wanted it to last//
For her to last//
I don't wish it was different just that I had done things differently//
Maybe it'd end the same, but not knowing hurts//
Not trying hurts//
Somewhere I stopped trying to grow and only tried to control//
I was just a boy in a man's frame//
Yet I knew how to love her//
I still love her//
But she's gone like the ashes of a wildfire//
Alone I still sing of her//
Empty, echoing, loneliness//
It is my new peace//

Still at this hour I love you, when sleep removes itself from me.
In the dark I let my mind visit us when we were young, happy, unsoiled by the reality that life would strain and break us.

Early April of 2012 I remember the weekend we spent almost entirely on each other's company. Mostly just talking, knowing each other. Just a few weeks before your birthday and I learned you hated gifts. I miss learning about you. Always missing you.

With all honesty not a day has passed when you haven't come into my mind and heart since we last spoke. Always praying it's not the last time we will have spoken but I know in my heart it is true.

I understand why. But I still love you. And I'm always telling you I'm sorry when we meet in my head. I never wanted to hurt you. Just needed to be needed. I'm a selfish man and I'm sorry I never told you that. I was too young to understand you and too self absorbed to look beyond me.

This is always as far as I get, talking with you in my head. I can neither bear your rejection, nor your forgiveness. So I close my eyes and wish I could hug you. And I start over again...

Still at this hour I love you, when sleep removes itself from me...

I lust for the things I do not need
Chaining myself to these sorrows of sins
I pray without seeking forgiveness
Hating those evil men whom pray louder

I am pride, I am hubris, I am blind
Honesty died long ago in my youth
I am a twisted and cursed creature
Painted with a disarming masquerade

I am what You hate, I am two-face
Walking in darkness and claiming light
I love adultery and hate Your Love
Lord I am sorry... Lord I am sorry

What is there to write
when the heart knows neither love nor heartbreak?

The loneliness gets to me
& when I get lost I know how not to be found

The love gets to me
& when I give freely I know I'll stand alone

The pain gets to me
& ... I no longer know how to hold it back anymore