I've missed you for the longest amount of time
how could I not,
you were engraved in me,
a part of me for so long,
I didn't know what it was like without you.
You were my routine, my schedule,
the ballet-slipper pink ribbon laced into my life.
You showed me your world, and I showed you mine,
and suddenly, it was ours.
I don't know who you are anymore
In fact, I didn't know for a time before you left.
Our worlds grew distant
foreign and separate
even so
what am I to do but crumble
and fall apart
When you yanked the shiny ribbon of your presence
from my life?
You were a part of me
And I can still feel your presence.

but some nights i just think too far ahead,
i just think too much at once,
about things that don't matter,
things that aren't happening yet,
what-ifs and why-nots and
holy **** i love you
and i know i told you i'd message you before i'd cut myself again,
but **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

Due to the graphic nature of the universe, creative expression is advised.

These road signs point to where you’d be
if you weren’t kneeled over in constant apology
you tell me sometimes you can hear
Aidan’s laughter at night,
as if someone’s strung them around
street lamps like fairy lights
your lungs collapse at the mention of his name
and your chest heaves with trembling shame
but you never told anyone else about the way
guilt straddles your shoulders every morning
as it leans towards his mother’s ears screaming
ears now turned deaf with grief

You tell me about the nights so dark
you can’t tell it apart from the hollow in your chest
most days you find it too hard to breathe
because the guilt hugs you so tight
it forces itself in your lungs
where these organs can’t contain
your feeling of sin
so you keel over and ***** by the road
where you last held Aidan

There are footprints in the mud
where he was last standing
but the imprints have hardened and Aidan has grown since
there was a much colder instance
when his sister flung a picture frame at you
so it shattered and you picked up a shard
to scratch out unforgivings in the mud by the road
where you watched your best friend die