we beg for change
and then meet it with outrage and anger
we should all be ashamed for the way we behave
never will there be a fight won
when the tides we feel are not *the right ones

A girl once investigated her tousled
      subconscious, for starry-eyed symbolism in
dreams was a better navigator of
      real life than battery-powered bleakness of
her daily alarm. When little boys pretend to be
      sailors they forget to be lost under foreign stars
as well, kneeling on wooden decks and blistered
      knees just to plead with the unrelenting new
moon to tranquilize its harshness, just a little bit,
      to peal a layer of its sinister skin and
shed some light on the
      twisting abyss ahead. Among all the apologies
sowed deeply in my ribcage
      there is a haunting song reverberating
in my bones that is
      faithless to what my chapped lips preach.

there isn't an inch of skin
on this worn down body
that isn't stricken with pain
scabbed over and gaudy
with every motion i shout
and doubt my convictions without
knowing anymore what they're really about
i see a door called death and it seems
the easiest way out

you took my heart and ate it
after i divulged to you how much
i truly ******* hate it

what a wonderful afternoon
i stood underneath til fingers began to prune
my name is not being called
and my phone's not vibrating
there's chills down my spine
and my pupils are dilating
my skin soaked wet
as the water met
my sore shoulders
eradicating sweat
i'm not done yet
embracing the stream
i hate this ftx
it was merely a dream

existing minimally can be such fun, for
oblivion wraps its fine fingers
delicately around my neck
in flirtation, and I see red and think
its love and war.
I like myself better when I exist
on precipices, hanging onto something
untouchable and trying to be
a little less star-crossed at another
tragedy, for I'm a poet
and not a hero.

this is for when
you mean to remember but don't
you want to be there but you won't
and when you're running late
or you've forgotten that we'd made a date
for when you're meaning well
or when I'm upset or hurting and you can't tell
when you want to find a way to fix what once was missed
you don't know what it is you've done wrong
for when we fall asleep listening to heartbreak songs
this is for when you can't come through
like you sometimes tend to do

it's ok
because I know that you will make it right
I know what we have is worth the fight
I know (even when you don't) that you're a good man
I know you're doing everything you can
You would never intentionally make my cry
and if you were in proximity, you'd never just stand by
You're trying so hard to always do it all
and sometimes in the juggling act I'm the one that falls
it's ok this time around again
because before we were "us", we were friends
and I know you better than to get caught up with petty fights
I know when I deserve better and I know when what I've got is right

my dreams are outlandish and inscrutable
and in no way can they be interpreted
trust me, i've tried

i'm counting every breath now
each one bringing me closer to death now
there's a searing pain in my lungs
if they collapsed and i collapsed
i'd become the fortunate son
we're no longer talking in terms of days or weeks or months
but rather minutes and hours
i've lost my will to speak
and the air we breathe is sour
i don't think i'll make it
i want to tell you how i really feel
because it's killing me to fake it