i learned
that my heart
is as large
as my fist,
but that
doesn't mean
that it is
as strong

Who am I?
What do I want from life?
Why do I want this life to cease to continue,
yet cling to it?
I suppose it's because,
as broken
and depressing
and sad
and lonely
as it is
It's mine...

You look so alone
Asleep, holding your stuffed unicorn;
Pierre in your arms
But your sleeping face looks like
It longs for someone
Wrapped up in your blanket
Arms holding a stuffed animal
Peaceful sleeping you
With a face that looks so alone
I wish I could be there
I wish you were in my arms
I wish I could kiss you and watch you sleep and feel blissful with you
I miss you
I love you...

My day went so well
And so did my birthday the night before
But every great time in my life has ended badly
Every happy moment is only ever so temporary
And I haven't eaten and I feel sick
But I'm not hungry
I just want to curl up and die in my bed
I just wish I could get these thoughts out of my head
I'm so confused
I need some *****
I asked a friend to get me Jack Daniels
Because it's a couple days overdue for birthday depression
And drinking myself to sickly sleep
Shot after shot
I just want to waste away
I just want to sleep forever
I just want to listen to flatsound
And cry
And cry
And cry
And I'm about to cry myself to sleep...

A wonderful day spent with friends I love
Two old, one new
You guys are great
Even if one of you is shy
The other is a little all over the place
And the third…
Oh the third how I love her
And the entire time I had to focus
On anything other than the fact
That all I wanted to do was hold her,
To kiss her, to lay my head upon hers
And be stricken with bliss and love
And all those other feelings
But nonetheless I loved tonight
I loved helping you paint
I loved speaking in inside jokes
A tongue only we will ever really understand
I loved your family
Even when the younger ones were getting on your nerves
I loved meeting Roxxi,
She was a riot
And all those wonderful things we all did
Eating French silk Doritos
Drinking every last drop of lemonade
Pointing out my abnormally large pupils
I never did say, large pupils are a sign of attraction
People have looked at large pupils as a sign of attraction since Egypt,
I guess you’re my Cleopatra
And when you held my hand I couldn’t help
But feel butterflies in my stomach
I wanted to hold it forever and never let go
I wanted to grasp it as if it were all that mattered
And I did...

It comes in blankets
Grey blankets that cover the sky
And it churns in blue and black
Like purple bruises painting the sky
I want to cry
But the tears won’t come
So I’m stuck looking out window
Searching for any bit of sun I can see
Only stormy eyes show themselves though
And tears streak cheeks
And if I cry myself to sleep every night
That’s only for me and the stars to know
They twinkle knowingly at me in the dark
And I want to yell at them
Don’t tell a soul
But they ignore me
They tell me I’m sad
And I knew that already
But I only see the stars when my grey blankets are gone